What to do about parents????

[Guest ricky]

I have just recently had my year 10 end of year school exams and with OCD and TS playing a big part in my life I could not finish many of these exams. On the way to school my mum started shouting at me saying that I can't blame it all on my condition and she said that I have to fight it myself. When she starts talking about this I don't know what to say. Then at home when I have to take a certain amount of steps and keep touching things she shouts at me and tells me to stop what I am doing. She knows that I have OCD but she keeps telling me that I have to fight it by myself. I am on a waiting list to see the psychiatrist and whenever I ask her to find out when I will get to see the psychiatrist she just says that you will see him soon enough. She thinks that it is just me and is all in my mind and that I can stop these things myself. I feel scared to tell her about the thoughts about bad things I get because whenever I touch things or do my usual stuff she will just probably say something like you are stupid and nothing like that can happen so stop what you are doing.

Has anyone got any ideas on what I can say to her or what I can do about myself???? I feel scared and worried at school because if my friends see me do these things then they might tease me or something so I have to do them secretly. I texted my friend a few days ago and I had to send the text message 4 times so that I would feel better and in the morning he gave me a mouthful on how annoying it is for him to receive 4 same text messages but he doesn't know how I feel. The message was reminding him to rbing a text book back to school before he would be charges. It was a good reason why I sent the message but I didn't expect a mouthful when I saw him the next day.

Has anyone got any ideas on what I can do????

Thanks.

Ricky.

[Caramoole]

Hi Ricky and

You certainly sound to be having a tough time right now. What with school and exams, that's bad enough without OCD

I suppose your Mum feels upset and frustrated as well and if she doesn't know too much about OCD it probably comes out in the shouting and telling you to pull yourself together....it doesn't help much though, does it? Sadly, OCD affects the whole family but that doesn't help you so much when you're the one that's suffering.

As far as your Mum's concerned, it would help her if she really understood how OCD works, how it affects people and how, If you just could, you'd love to stop doing the things you do

If you could afford it (daft thing to say to a teenager :blushing: ) it might be well worth the spend to buy a book like 'Brain Lock', it's not very expensive and it would help both you and her to understand how OCD works and how best to tackle it.

In a way, your Mum is right (although her methods are a bit tough) it is down to us, the sufferer, to fight it, but it isn't that easy, especially at your age.

The bad thoughts are awful and scary, aren't they? but you must believe that they aren't real. None of these awful thoughts will come true just because you don't touch things or carry out these rituals. That's just your mind trying to protect you and make sense of nonsense. Our minds are designed to try and keep us safe from danger, with OCD we get an exagerrated Danger Signal which causes all of these panicky feelings and we just feel that if we can do something to neutralise these feelings, everything will be okay. Hence we do these daft things. The truth is that doing these things only makes the feeling go away for a while. This is an example of how our minds work, maybe you have smoke alarm at home and have seen this...

We have a false error detection system in our mind that throws up danger messages where they're not necessary. I often liken it to a smoke detector, there you are Sunday morning looking forward to a scrummy bacon sarnie. You put the bacon under the grill and before you know it the smoke alarm is screeching away. It's throwing out an alarm message "FIRE, FIRE, GET OUT OF HERE, THE HOUSE IS GOING TO BURN DOWN, YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE"

You think Huh???? It's just the bacon grilling and carry on with what you were doing

That's what our OCD does, it's the bacon sanie syndrome!!

Daft Innit?

Helping your Mum to understand OCD is your best weapon, maybe you can think about buying the book. If you can't, have a look at the home page via This Link You'll find loads of information on the Home page, print some off that you can relate to and give them to your Mum, it might help.

You're not alone with this, we'll help where we can, just shout.

Good Luck

Caramoole

[Guest Deb]

Hi Ricky,

It can be incredibly difficult for mums to know how to react to OCD. My son is younger than yourself and has had OCD since being 5 but I also have other sons aged 14,16 and 17 and I guess it could have been so much more difficult to help one of my teens get through OCD than my youngest. Thats such a difficult time in life anyway, with school, exams etc.

Every parent seems to react in different ways and it can be really difficult to know what to do or say to your son/daughter when your not that sure yourself. :helpsmilie:

Your mum getting angry may actually be concern. Watching your kids go through this can be stressful and confusing and these feelings may come across as getting angry.

When my sons OCD was at it's worst, there were times I got angry. Thing is, I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at the situation, upset that I couldn't stop the OCD. I'd never had OCD and couldn't really understand it, even now it's difficult sometimes. Anyhow, he thought I was angry with him untill I explained things.

Your mum is right that you have to fight this yourself but what your family can do is support you.

How about next time mum tells you to fight it, tell her you could use her support. It may actually help your mum if she knew what she could do.

For me as a mum, the worst thing was not knowing how to help or respond.

Hope this helps and I hope you sort things out with your mum.

Good luck,

Deb

[Guest ChattyCathy]

hey,

i know how it is, my mom keeps telling me: "you are smart enough to stop those thoughts". she just doesnt understand. perhaps you can tell your friends and parents what ocd is (so that they'll know that it isnt your fault, and that you cant stop that easily).

[Guest laura1988]

OCD is a faules friend that tells you if u do these things everythink will be ok but it isnt is it really its making it worse

good luck

laura xxxx

[Guest PATIENCE]

Hi Ricky, hope you dont mind me answering your post, i am a mum of a boy who has just finished his end of year 10 exams too, he has OCD. I found the only way to try and understand what he was going through was to read several books on OCD. He has had CBT which has taught him ways to cope with his OCD. However it is very scary being a mum and not being able to make things right for your children, you need to talk to her and try and explain how you feel, maybe you will be surprised. Between you, maybe you could find ways of coping to reduce your anxiety levels. For example when my son couldnt stop washing his hands, they were red raw, i put notes by the sink, on the bathroom door saying STOP! . It may sound funny but it worked, it made him think, do i need to wash them. Incase you are wondering what others might say we used to say, we have trouble with our taps at the moment, so we mustnt use them.Hope you may find a little comfort in what i have said, good luck, let me know how you get on.

[soixante]

Hi Ricky,

Hope you don't mind me joining in too.....I am a mum of a boy who was diagnosed with ocd last year. I can't remember what he said exactly when he first told me about his symtoms, however alarm bells began to ring with me and we went to see our GP. GP referred us to the local Child and adolescent unit.....looking back, before we got to see a therapist/psychiatrist, I did do a lot of reading on the internet......It was all very scary, and I remember wondering what I was going to do to help. My job had always been to "kiss things better" so to speak - no amount of kissing and hugging would get rid of this I felt helpless at times, and we had many times in the beginning when we would shout at each other - not because we were angry with each other, but because we were angry and frustrated with ocd, it ties you in knots doesn't it? I think what I'm trying to say (with some difficulty) is it may be that your parents are scared, and feel powerless to help you for the first time. Its not a good feeling our job is to protect and care for our children. When I told my mum about my son she said she thought he was doing it for attention Parents eh?

Like Deb says if you explain to mum how she could help....you may make some progress. Fingers crossed!

Sue