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Seeking Help For A Friend :(


Guest John_GG

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Guest John_GG

Hi everyone, well, i'm not quite sure where to start, but i'll give it a go.

I have a good friend, who is really effected by the following mental issues:

She cannot touch anything a now-dead person has touched. For example, if someone sat on her sofa, and died a few weeks after, she couldn't touch that sofa again, she would have to get rid of it.

She has fears of hospitals, or anything to do with hospitals/death basically. For example she won't walk on her carpet without something on her feet, as doctors/nurses have walked in her house across the same carpet. She won't go to the doctors if she is ill either, not even a GP.

She doesn't like touching coins, as she doesn't know who could have previously touched them in the past. Same with a lot of other things, she doesn't like touching things as she doesn't know who could have touched them before. She cleans her house a lot too.

If her hands have touched something, she would have to wash them, and then the feeling of disturbance goes away, she would have to have a full shower if it was more than her hands that touched whatever it is she touched. If she fails to wash her hands/body then she would feel very anxious, and get panic attacks etc...

She doesn't like touching/being around old people, or seriously ill people, because they could die any time soon. (She admits this sounds selfish, but i can assure you she doesn't mean it in a selfish way)

I have done a bit of research, and i believe it could be a case of Necrophobia, or a Superstitious OCD (She's not supersticious though) She had a traumatic childhood, which may be why she feels like this now, although she hasn't always felt like this. She's nearly 20 now, and has had these problems from around the age of 15. I have asked her what could have brought these feelings on, and she replied "When i was at school, my friends boyfriend died, and he had given my friend a toy she used to keep in her room, and i realised that i would freak out if it was near me"

My friend then moved in with her boyfriend at the time, and was staying in a "dirty" flat, which was "disgusting" and that's when she started worrying about dirt and cleanliness. She told her boyfriend how he felt and he seemed to make her problems worse.

A mutual friend of ours also died later that year, and there was a small remembrance type thing held at the local pub. She didn't want to attend, but she did in the end. When she went there, she looked around the pub and noticed all the places where the deceased friend used to sit and stand, and saw other people standing/sitting there, which also freaked her out. Even walking down the same roads where he used to drive his car would freak her out. She would get horrible feelings when walking down the road he died on, and couldn't go near the spot people used to lay flowers down. She feels really bad about the way she feels, but i can assure you she regrets these feelings, but doesn't know what to do to get them to go.

I love the girl to bits, she is my best friend and i do my best to help her through anything i can. It really gets me down to hear about her problems like this. I decided to find a website i can look for help for her (She won't talk to anyone else, or tell anyone else how she feels, because she's scared of what they will think) and found this website.

I will show her this thread once it's posted.

So first of all, does anyone know what could be wrong? Like, what is this condition called, does it have a name?

Is there any cure for it, what can i do/say to help?

Is she the only person who has these feelings and thoughts? (She thinks she is)

What else should i look into? What should she do?

I hope someone can help her.

Thank you for taking your time to read, and thank you in advance for any help you may give.

John.

Edited by Guest
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So first of all, does anyone know what could be wrong? Like, what is this condition called, does it have a name?

Is there any cure for it, what can i do/say to help?

Is she the only person who has these feelings and thoughts? (She thinks she is)

What else should i look into? What should she do?

Hi John,

Welcome to the forums :original:

It's difficult because we can't give an official diagnosis - that would really need to be given my a professional.

Having said that, from what you describe it sounds as though your friend could indeed be suffering from OCD. In fact it sounds as though she has one of the most common manifestations of the disorder - a concern with contamination (something I also have problems with).

Although it can focus on issues surrounding physical uncleanliness (like germs) it can also latch onto concerns about a specific source for the contamination (death) or even if a particular person has touched something. The important thing to remember is that when it comes to OCD it's really an 'idea' of contamination rather than being based in reality.

This is the difficult part - the best way forward would really be for her to have a chat with her GP, but if she has problems with them due to her OCD, that's obviously going to be very difficult for her.

All I can really suggest, would be to ask her if she'd consider a home visit?

Please put her mind at rest that she's very much not alone in experiencing these types of thoughts and feelings. There is hope and the problem can be overcome, but it will mean she has to seek advice and support from people qualified in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Really the best thing you can do, is what you're already doing by posting here - and that's to support her through this and together learn as much about the condition as you can........Hal :original:

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Guest John_GG
Hi John,

Welcome to the forums :original:

It's difficult because we can't give an official diagnosis - that would really need to be given my a professional.

Having said that, from what you describe it sounds as though your friend could indeed be suffering from OCD. In fact it sounds as though she has one of the most common manifestations of the disorder - a concern with contamination (something I also have problems with).

Although it can focus on issues surrounding physical uncleanliness (like germs) it can also latch onto concerns about a specific source for the contamination (death) or even if a particular person has touched something. The important thing to remember is that when it comes to OCD it's really an 'idea' of contamination rather than being based in reality.

This is the difficult part - the best way forward would really be for her to have a chat with her GP, but if she has problems with them due to her OCD, that's obviously going to be very difficult for her.

All I can really suggest, would be to ask her if she'd consider a home visit?

Please put her mind at rest that she's very much not alone in experiencing these types of thoughts and feelings. There is hope and the problem can be overcome, but it will mean she has to seek advice and support from people qualified in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Really the best thing you can do, is what you're already doing by posting here - and that's to support her through this and together learn as much about the condition as you can........Hal :original:

Thank you very much for the quick reply Hal, it's greatly appreciated and i'm sure my friend would appreciate it too! After a bit of research i did think it was an OCD, ut not knowing much about them, i couldn't be sure about it. I did forget to mention, she doesn't like certain people touching things, if they do, she would have to wash them. I'm glad i have found a place to put her mind at rest. She will be happier when she finds out it's a common problem.

I will suggest going to her GP, or maybe even a home visit if she allows that. I think her main concern is her children (She has children) She's scared that they may get taken away if she was to come out openly and talk about how she really feels. Does that sort of thing happen? She's also worried that she may pass down her problems to the children, if they see her avoiding things or washing her hands so often, they may pick up on it and do it too. She really does want to change, but it's easier said than done!

Thank you very much for the help and advice too, Hal!

John

Edited by Guest
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Hi John,

I've just said this to someone else - there really is no rhyme or reason with OCD. Sometimes one person can touch something and there are no problems and as soon as someone else does the same, the OCD goes into overdrive and it has to be washed.

The OCD mind seems to make connections where there are none (death/cleanliness) and hey presto we have a specific OCD set of compulsions.

There's genuinely nothing to worry about when it comes to opening up to her GP - many many people who use these forums have children and have had CBT via the NHS (this GP Icebreaker Sheet HERE might be helpful).

I forgot to say in my earlier message, maybe you could see if she'd take a look at the forums? I'm sure that they'd help her -there's always someone who's had to face the same sort of problems and can help and support her through this...Hal :original:

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Guest GingGangGoolie

It sounds as though your friend could very possibly be suffering from OCD. Is she scared of death/dying? I wonder whether the OCD's been brought on from a fear of death, or the other way around perhaps?

Is her fear of uncleanliness, doctors, hospitals and sick people due to worry about catching something or can she not explain what she fears and it's just an overwhelming compulsion?

I think she would definitely benefit from talking to her GP, even if it has to be over the phone. She doesn't have to live with her fears and anxieties, there's a lot doctors can do to help, from medication, to CBT therapy. Let your friend know she's certainly not alone in how she feels and she has no need to worry about what health professional will think.

Good Luck, I hope she feels better soon.

*Laura(GGG)*

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Guest John_GG
Hi John,

I've just said this to someone else - there really is no rhyme or reason with OCD. Sometimes one person can touch something and there are no problems and as soon as someone else does the same, the OCD goes into overdrive and it has to be washed.

There's genuinely nothing to worry about when it comes to opening up to her GP - many many people who use these forums have children and have had CBT via the NHS (this GP Icebreaker Sheet HERE might be helpful).

I forgot to say in my earlier message, maybe you could see if she'd take a look at the forums? I'm sure that they'd help her -there's always someone who's had to face the same sort of problems and can help and support her through this...Hal :original:

Thanks again Hal!

That will be a weight off her mind when she hears that too, i hope anyway. She has said reading she's not alone with these problems is such a good feeling!

I have forwarded her the link to the thread and she has been reading through it, i'm mainly talking on her behalf here, would it be a problem if she wanted to log onto my account and ask questions at some point?

It sounds as though your friend could very possibly be suffering from OCD. Is she scared of death/dying? I wonder whether the OCD's been brought on from a fear of death, or the other way around perhaps?

Is her fear of uncleanliness, doctors, hospitals and sick people due to worry about catching something or can she not explain what she fears and it's just an overwhelming compulsion?

I think she would definitely benefit from talking to her GP, even if it has to be over the phone. She doesn't have to live with her fears and anxieties, there's a lot doctors can do to help, from medication, to CBT therapy. Let your friend know she's certainly not alone in how she feels and she has no need to worry about what health professional will think.

Good Luck, I hope she feels better soon.

*Laura(GGG)*

Hi Laura, thanks for the reply.

I'm not too sure about the first question, i will have to speak to her. I'm pretty sure she does have a fear of dying, or losing someone she loves/cares about. The reason she doesn't like doctors/hospitals is not only the fear of getting ill, but the fear that these people may have been around a person who is now deceased, if that makes sense to you?

I will definitely talk to her more about the GP issues, even if it is over the phone that could be a great start! What you said about not having to live with the fear will mean a lot to her as well.

Thank you both again for the positive replies, it means a lot!

John.

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Thanks again Hal!

I have forwarded her the link to the thread and she has been reading through it, i'm mainly talking on her behalf here, would it be a problem if she wanted to log onto my account and ask questions at some point?

That's no problem - hope I've helped a bit :original:

Sure that's no problem (logging on with your account) or if it's easier she can register her own ID - I'm sure we can all help her through this, Hal :original:

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Guest wantocdgone

Hi just read your message and as the others have said, it does seem very much like OCD.

I really feel for your friend, as OCD is a tough one to deal with. As previously mentioned the best way to fight the OCD is through cognative behavioural therapy - its not easy, its a lot to face up to, but in time, when your friend feels like she is ready to take the OCD on CBT is the way to go.

In the meantime, there are certain medications that may help her cope a little more, these are the main 5 that may be recommended - Antidepressants for Treatment of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:

•Luvox (fluvoxamine)

•Prozac (fluoxetine)

•Zoloft (sertraline)

•Paxil (paroxetine)

•Anafranil (clomipramine)

best wishes to you both

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Good advice from wantocdgone, CBT is the treatment of choice, medication could be used too, but not as a sole treatment choice. I just wanted to clarify the medication names, I think the US brand names have been listed above.

The typically prescribed SSRI medications for treating with the UK names are:

Fluoxetine (Prozac)

Fluvoxamine (Faverin)

Citalopram (Cipramil)

Sertraline (Lustral)

Paroxetine (Seroxat)

Clomipramine (its trade name is Anafranil), is also licensed for treating OCD, but it is only recommended to be tried after one or two of the above SSRI's have been tried first.

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Guest John_GG

Thanks for all the helpful and caring replies, people here have said the things that i wish i could have said, but never thought of! As i don't suffer from an OCD, i don't know what it's like to feel the way people do (Although i have had anxiety problems in the past, i don't think it's the same!) but i hope some of the things said here will help her on her way to be cured! She has seen the thread and the replies, and i'm pretty sure she feels better about her OCD, knowing she's not the only one!

And about the medication issues, how would they go about getting prescribed? If she was to go to her GP and explain what's going on, would he be able to prescribe her, say, Prozac? Or would the GP have to refer her to a hospital or psychiatrist? I think that's what she's worrying about!

Anyway, thank you so much for the replies, and the help you are giving to people. It's time to sleep now i think!

John.

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Hi John,

Her GP can prescribe yes, most GPs these days will prescribe an SSRI, but some still go straight to Clomipramine, so your friend just needs to be aware of that and if in doubt as Hal suggested earlier, your friend should insist the GP refers to the NICE guidelines as per the GP ICE breaker we have created.

You can tackle OCD without meds using the CBT alone, but very individual illness so depends how upset and depressed your friend is, if not then maybe CBT alone without meds could work, other people need a combination of both.

Hope that helps

Ashley.

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Guest danaeonyx

I found the worst part of OCD was when I didn't know what it was. It was during my teenage years and I thought I was nuts. It led to depression and suicidal feelings.

I also have the death fear and cannot eat or even touch meat. I also work with animals which can be a problem! I just feel the death spreading through me. So I understand the fear she feels with death though I'm not at her level. It sounds like a nightmare.

It's worth letting her know that the first medication may not work but that should not get her down. People are different and she may need to try a few before she finds the right one. I had a friend with depression once who gave up after the first medication which upset me 'cos it took 4 medications before I overcame depression.

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Guest SuffolkSarah

Hi John,

Please give your friend my best wishes and its great that you are there to support her through this. Support is such a big help. Everyone here has given such great advice, there isn't really anything to add. I guess I just want to reiterate how common OCD is; I believe it affects 2-3% of the world population and may even be as high as 5%. It is also the 4th most common mental health problem. Sadly it is not very much heard of as most people tend to keep it a secret, being worried as your friend is about the consequences of getting a diagnosis. All I can say is that my GP has been a great help to me and my local Mental Health Team are working to organise CBT and find the right medication to help me. I can really identify with the symptoms your friend is describing. For example when I was a child, I couldn't bear my parents or brother to touch me or come anywhere near me, yet I was perfectly happy to be cuddled by my grandparents. I also wasn't too bad in a crowded school, yet at home I was always cleaning.

I hope your friend can get some help, I know it can make a huge difference.

Best wishes,

Sarah :original:

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Hi there,

It sounds like you're freind could have OCD, specifically contamination fears and possibly magical thinking around the death issues, eg she thinks that anything connected to death being near her might cause the same to happen to her or someone she cares about. Well that is only what I am guessing at, obviously I don't know.

She needs to see a doctor to get an official diagnosis, but there is a lot of help these days for OCD such as cognitive behavioural therapy. Posting here is a good start, maybe in time she might join the forum herself. We are all a freindly non judgemental bunch and she might find a lot of comfort and support here :). Take care and best wishes to you're freind, it is good she has you're support :)

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I'll just add, your freind is certainly not alone in how she feels, she might feel that way now but there are many others who are in the same boat as her and at one time we have all felt like we were the only ones to feel like that. Its great to find others that understand, it was one of the biggest things that helped me.

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