Help! Lost libido

[Guest danaeonyx]

Please help.

I've been with my partner for nearly 3 years. I love him so much and we plan to get married and have children. But in the last few months I've completely lost my sexual appetite. We used to have a healthy sex life but lately I just feel sick when I think about sex. I was abused when I was young by my brother and nothing I try seems to help me come to terms with it.

I've also never orgasmed which my partner blames himself for, though he knows about my OCD. A part of him also thinks I've gone of sex because of him though he does understand that I can't help it.

I don't know what to do

[Rachie]

Hi Danae,

Sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered. That's terrible. You say nothing you try has helped you come to terms with it; what have you tried? It must be really difficult.

It sounds like your partner is understanding which is great. Have you thought about going to Relate together to discuss this? I know it sounds like you've lots of things but they specialise in helping people work out their problems in relationships. It might also be good for you to have some counselling together, rather than you feeling it's all your problem.

Is there anything that you think has triggered the recent loss of your libido? Has this happened before, if it's been relevant?

It sounds like you have a strong relationship and I am sure you can work through this together.

:hug:

Rach x

[Guest danaeonyx]

I've had some counselling which they thought worked 'cos in the end they were like "it wasn't your fault" and I think they thought it was a huge revelation or something. I've also talked to my partner and some friends about it. But the thing is, I still see my brother (he's married with kids) and my parents don't know. I don't want to ruin everything now, my brother was on mild drugs at the time.

When I was with my last partner I lost my libido after a while. I think it's all exciting at first and then my body worries take over. I hate my body, there's nothing I like about it, my partner thinks the world of me and I do believe he finds me gorgeous and sexy, but I just don't feel it. I've self-harmed in the past because I feel so dirty and disgusting. Even talking about it now makes me feel sick, I always feel sick

I also sometimes find sex painful, even when we use lube I don't know if it's psychological but it's at the entrance.

I just feel so guilty that my partner has to put up with me, his life is stressful enough.

Edited September 5, 2010 by Danae