My life is ruined!

[Guest nick1]

Hello,

Since the false memories i had my ocd has become absolutely awful, i can't control one single thought that i have anymore and spend every second of every day ruminating which i simply can't help.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that i'm mentally ill, and seeing as there is no cure for ocd i will be mentally ill for the rest of my life. My ocd controls me and has ruined every happiness that i had in my life.

I'm seeing a psychologist in a few weeks, but to be honest i'm not even sure i want to anymore. it can be 'helped', but i'm never going to get over it properly, and will never have the same quality of life as everyone else, so what's the point?

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again, not being able to think is the worst thing EVER, i wouldn't mind if i didn't have OCD but was bullied at school, or had no friends or was good at nothing, because not being able to control your thoughts is just the worst thing ever. Constantly monitoring every one of your thoughts, and desperately trying to gain some control over them every second of every day.

I just want to die, i feel so hopeless. i will never live a good life, and will never ever gain the same level of control over my thoughts that normal people have. i'm facing years of therapy that might not eve work, and eve at the end of all that i will still have ocd because it's not cureable. i never imagined my life becoming like this, but i really do just want to die, and i'm 14 and ocd has ruined the past couple of years of my life, which most people say are the 'best days of your life', so i've already missed out on all that.

thanks,

nick.

[Guest Sugarplum]

Hey Nic please have faith in getting better. I had my first OCD episode when I was 12 and it was a very scary time for me. But with help and support from my family and friends I got through it. I'm now 32 and still have OCD but live a happy and fulfilling life. Yes at times it can be dark but for the most it is good. Supportive help from a physchologist will really help. Cbt and exposure therapy does work. Hope these few words have helped. Just wanted you to know I've been there and there is definatley hope. Wishing you all the best with your recovery xxx

[Guest lard]

Hi nick

I could have written your post word for word, it's exactly how I feel!

One thing I've learnt while accepting that I have OCD and depression to is that life isn't fair and you can't expect an easy ride, it's just the way it is. You have to make the best with the cards you have been dealt, sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth.

You say you are 14, your brain hasn't finished developing yet, bad habits you may have pick up can be turned around and a more healthy out look on thoughts achieved. One thing you need to understand about suffering with OCD is to STOP trying to control your thoughts, it's a futile fight that I'm afraid you will never win. Instead allow the thoughts in, almost welcome them in and try your hardest not to react or interact with them. Now that's the hard bit, it takes lots of practice and many failed attempts but it's the right way to handle your thoughts.

Please don't feel your life is ruined because believe me it is not, you have this illness because of who you are, a person who is caring, highly intelligent and above all strong.

These are your weapons with which you can fight back and over power the beast that is OCD.

I wish you all the best my friend and remember this, you are not alone, there are many of us who know the pain and suffering this illness can bring but also know that although not yet curable it can be overcome and a happy life can still be achieved.

Be strong mate.

Martyn

[Guest Gina]

Nick my heart is breaking for you, your words are like an echo of my 16 year old daughter, who is in a difficult place right now, but please do not lose faith, things can and will get better. As a mother/carer I understand the coming to terms with the longevity of this condition, but your OCD, your mental health condition does not define the person you are, it does not control you, with the right support and treatment you can have an amazing quality of life, and there may be some things that you will do a little later than you thought, but it does not matter, you will get there because you are strong.

:hug: Gina xx

Edited August 9, 2011 by Gina

[Guest alexandra]

every word you wrote on there i understand how you feel.

im feeling really low today and just cant control my thoughts and worries they wont go away i just wish i could be like everybody else who seems to control their thoughts and be happy and calm all the time. I have a horrible feeling in my stomach that wont go away when i have these intrusive thoughts and i cant control it i just want to cry

hope you feel a bit better soon, we all have good days and bad days.

[Guest Whatif]

Nick to have OCD so young must be rubbish!

However the biggest advice I can give to you is to not fight your thoughts, you don't need to try and control those thoughts you need to let them just drift in and drift out and try not to obsess over them.

Buy the 4 steps book because one sentence I always remember is 'if you stand in front and fight OCD you will lose every single time' you have to learn to stand aside and let it pass.

Not easy mate but keep learning and trying

[Atlantis]

Ignoring OCD is key to beating it, the thoughts will come because they are part of the illness, just like coughs are part of having the flu. I wish I could switch my conscience off so I didn't care so much about the bad thoughts / actions caused by OCD. I also have a lot of thoughts about suicide, but what would that achieve apart from causing eternal heartache to my family?

You have to approach dealing with OCD differently, you're young, and are lucky to have insight into the condition. Many people don't, I went until I was 27 before I was diagnosed, so that's 27 years of behaviour and thought processes sculpted by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you're at an age where you can arm yourself with knowledge and seek professional help, giving you an excellent chance of combating and learning to live a normal life whilst keeping the thought wolves at bay.

[Guest Chelle]

hi,

what Atlantis said is right on the mark. you are so young and you are diagnosed, and have treatment. i was dagnosed at 36. went 25 years not knowing. the last 20 havent been easy, but i accomplished allot. and have had allot of good times, and expect to have more, and certainly am happy i didnt kill myself. hugs Chelle