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Living with BDD

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I have probably had BDD since I was 10 years old. It started with my height, I was 5'4 at the age of 10, 5'6 at 12 and 5'9 at 16. I have not grown since I was 16. As a result I have never felt thin, and always stood out from other girls my age. One of my best childhood friends was significantly smaller than me, blonde and developed much later. I was often mocked for being so tall and developed young so felt quite self conscious. As a coping mechanism I rebelled in my youth and spent a lot of time drinking and sleeping with guys.

I am now 19 and honestly believe I am fat and quite ugly, I am not thin at all, as size 12-14 hourglass shape and my measurements are 38-28-39. I am told that I am not ugly but I still believe I am, the problem is that I have always wanted to be shorter and skinnier. I have never had anorexia or bulimia but do go on binges and feel constantly guilty about how much I eat and how little I exercise. Everyone I know is smaller and thinner, I feel that when they watch me eat they feel disgusted so I tend to eat alone. I work incredibly hard and have trouble sleeping and as a result have almost no time to seek treatment, I need to be available everyday between 7am-3am to pick up emails and get work done as well as studying for my degree. If I did not do the work then I would be much worse. When I did not work so hard I was very depressed.

I also have a serve allergy condition and as a result have to take many antihistamines a day, this also means my skin regularly looks very unattractive due to the eczema and the urticharia. I also have stretch marks and my skin is very flabby and blotchy.

I am just so tired of hating myself and my appearance and I can't see how I can make it better. I have just been like this for too long to make me feel any different, no one can convince me otherwise.

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Hi Em how are you?My name is Steve I'm really so sorry how you're feeling and what you're going through I can totally sympathize with you.I have had BDD for many years now and it's very severe also so I totally understand what you're going through.I've had three operations on my nose and still hate it so much,I'm about 170cm and have put on a fait bit of weight and hate how tall I am as well,also because I've put on a fair bit of weight from medications and poor diet.I know how distressing the condition makes you and I've been driven to the real severe depths all too often as well.I know all the pain about it so I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.If you ever like you can talk to me about the condition how you're feeling etc etc I will always be here to talk to you anytime you like and anyone else also.

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Hi EmStudent.

I would just like to tell you that you are not alone.

Have you ever been to your GP about how you feel and think?

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