Do you ever compare yourself to others?

[ACE]

I was wondering if any of you guys ever do this at all and if it's a common trait of Ocd also?.Down the years I have found myself doing this alot I have tried to stop doing it at times but many a times it really gets the better of me.For two main factors comparing gets me down one of course is with BDD I struggle so much especially with attractive people and I feel very ugly against them&two obviously is successful people.I have friends and other people I know doing very well in life and see it so often then I look at myself and can't help really feeling like a real loser.Now at times I do well saying things like are those people in the same boat as you&do they suffer like they do?It does workk at times but when I'm quite depressed and vulnerable it hardly helps at all.

Take yesterday I was coming home on the train after just seeing my Dr and this gentleman was on the phone to somebody"I heard him talking about someone saying they recieved a very good job offer on about 150k a year"It made me feel quite envious and low really.I see successful people all the time and can't help feeling so low I'm 37 and really have achieved nothing to be honest.I would appreciate any welcome feedback feeling very low in myself quite now :sad: ..

[oetegenn1976]

Hi ace,

This sounds very normal to me, I bet there is alot of people out there with no OCD or BDD that also have this..... I have OCD and yes I can relate, and always compare myself to others, I even have a certain obsession with a neighbour cos in my head I think she has everything! Although she probably hasnt, its just me thinking shes better than me all the time, she also probably has problems and insecurities like the rest of us, but OCD dosent see that side lol.

It is tiring and I am exactly the same, so do understand, I think alot of it stems from low self esteem and the fact that I wasnt popular at school, and also had a mental bullying which stays with you.

But hey your 37 and Im 36, Im having my second child, due in three weeks time and we can move on and get through this, it will be hard! but we just have to keep plodding! like I said I think its probably a normal thing in humans.

Take care hope Ive made sense lol

jo x

[ACE]

Thanks alot Jo for your very warm response it really made so much sense and meant alot to me,It does get hard when comparing I know it's not helpful and alot worse of course when you're feeling at your lowest and most vulnerable.I do try hard not to do it and try my best to use a defence mechanism against it,I wish you all the absolute best for bub no two and hope you have many great endless moments altogther.

[Guest Steve2012]

Hi Ace- as a fellow OCD sufferer I can certainly relate to what you are saying, but I think it is all too easy to blame OCD for everything. "If only I didn't have OCD I would be highly successful, on £150k a year, and blissfully happy". But we can never know that and it is almost certainly not very likely. I guess everyone has their hidden problems, OCD or othrwise.

The other way of looking at it is that just to be free from OCD would be worth more than any measure of material happiness- and as hard as it is to 'break free' that is something as sufferers we can all strive towards and believe is possible, with the right help and support.

Hope that helps

All the best.

[ACE]

Thanks aot steve sorry I'm not feeling very goodright now really I'm badly depressed really and everything else is quite bad at the moment OCD,BDD,Anxiety you name it.I feel really empty to be honest,I think I've been known especially by my DR as always placingtoo much blame on myself ad not really blaming the conditions etc etc.I don'tthink I really ever feel srry for myself instead it's more the thinking of "I'm just a loser notgood at anything etcetc"sorry I can't write much rigtnow as I'm realy feeling so bad sorry.

[Guest Steve2012]

Hi Ace,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. And yes I know the feeling when depression, OCD etc. all seem to feed off each other. Hope things improve very soon.

All the best

Steve

[Guest mondot]

The way I compare myself to others is with my normalcy and theirs. What I mean is, when I'm watching TV or somehing they're all just happy going about their day no cares in the world.

And I'm just thinking what would that be like? Life without any intrusive thoughts, anxiety or anything. Life where you're always up to go out and be social. Life where you can spend time with others NOT thinking "what If i were to hurt them or kill them". Life where you aren't just pretending to be happy while scary thoughts are in your head, but you are ACTUALLY happy, for real! Peace of mind and all. God, I wish I could go back to that...I hope one day I can

[ACE]

Thanks alot for your nice supportive replies Steve&Mon they really mean so much,yep so often I have thought imagine life without depression,Ocd,Bdd and anxiety well even living with anxiety but not the other three.I've heard comments from people who even don't have any of these conditions making it out like it's not that bad&I have felt like saying want to live a day in my shoes or a week with the worst of it and see what it's like without sounding sorry for myself.I've even heard my dad make comments like depression is nothing and I've thought at times I hope you would go through it to see how tough you're then,his impression is like that years ago it was so tough not like today that we have so much more resources.The way he puts it is that like people with depression&other conditions are just lazy and his ignorance like many others just comes out.

My sister was the same recently when she came over and she made a comment as she was cleaning saying"That you aren't bothered is simply another thing".I felt like saying yeh you want to know what it feels like being severely depressed and not being able to do things&my mum has probalems with arthritis also.I think what happens is at times I try to steer clear of people making such ignorant comments especially when it comes to mental illness mainly and even being around them I don't tend to like it.I told my sister about Ocd once and made the comment"I'm quite used to it after so many years suffering from it"she said oh being used to it really isn't right I said well I've had it for so long and I know how the illness pretty much workd really.

Mon I know what you mean I've seen friends and so many others from family,friends people I know whoever and I have wondered wouldn't it be nice to be in their shoes or just free of this suffering really.Strangely at times i've actually said to myself maybe I'm glad in a way I have these conditions but in reality I'm not.I think at times I maybe have allowed many people to let me feel guilty like me feeling as I am and their comments have even bordered on the fact that I don't try hard enough and this is coming from people like my father and sisters who really have no idea about Ocd,depression,Bdd and all types of conditions really.Many times I have said to myself try not to listen to what people like that say as really they're uneducated and pretty clueless and have no idea what its like and in their minds they think they're strong but really have no clue how hard it is.

[Guest PatsyG]

Hiya,

yes I am terrible for comparing myself to others, I dont know how much of this is OCD and how much is just me.

It makes me feel terrible as I can get quite envious and jealous when i really want to be happy for other people but seem to be unable to compare them to myself and feel as though I am worth less than them. I struggle with the way I look and feel very inferior when Im around pretty girls etc I also feel as though I am constantly under-achieving and I suppose Im quite tough on myself. I have been at a point where I would avoid certain people just because I knew they would set my self-doubts off, silly really I know that deep-down but I just cant handle the way they/it makes me feel.

Unfortunately I cant give you any useful advice as I still struggle with this but I suppose, again, the worst thing you can to is avoid people and situations that make you feel that way and somehow realising that one person is not worth more than another because they earn more/ are prettier.....

[Guest nEvermore]

I suffer from contamination OCD and have a tendency to compare myself to others as a coping mechanism. I kind of feel better watching others do (and be fine afterwards) things that trigger my OCD contamination alarm. I do feel kind of guilty for this, in that my obssession seems so self-oriented. I like to think the desire to compare ourselves to others at least means we are more aware of our surroundings than our non-ocd counterparts.

[ACE]

Thankyou everyone so much yes comparing has always been a problem at me especially when I'm so down and I'm sure it's probably a real problem for many people with similar conditions.Yesterday I had to help my great aunty with going to hospital and it did get hard at times because seeing young successful doctors made me feel pretty intimidated really as it always does.I think you think in your mind how I wish I was as smart as them etc etc and not so messed up as sadly I do think alot of the time excuse me everyone.I think especially with BDD and such conditions as depression and Ocd it's easy to be envious of others so often.

[Guest PatsyG]

I think in addition to this we also happen to be ultra-aware of our own thoughts and tend to analyse them and judge ourselves for them. There are probably many people outside who secretively feel envious and inferior but wont it admit it to themselves and others and dont cling onto those thoughts so much.

I feel it hard to be in social groups because of this, I tend to shut myself away and always believe that in any group Im kind of the one that doesnt fit in/isnt liked as much as the others/ is the least attractive and so on so it is quite an issue for me.

When I do see people Im quite on edge, worry what they think of the way I look, the things I say... Im very hard on myself when it comes to studying and feel as though Im blagging the whole things and that everyone else is more intelligent even though Im getting straight Bs. I seem to strive for perfection in most things and have high expectations I just cant fulfill. I suppose its an unhappy mix of ocd, depressive tendencies, low self-esteem and maybe a bit of BDD for me.. I just try and live as normal as I can without these things impacting on my life too much but the underlying feeling of inferiority are always present.

[ACE]

Thanks so much Patsy I know exactly what you mean I think with Ocd and even BDD perfection or so called perfection seems to be a problem or something we strive for really.I notice when I clean around the house or car for e.g I try to pick up every little tiny crumb otherwise the job isn't done 100% and the same for everything else really leaving little margin for error realy.I see you live in Germany my Uncle lives there in Wolfsburg&I've always wanted to go there.P.S Thanks so much for your reply it really means so much.