Having a hard time today

[Guest Annabel]

Hi lovely friends, I'm finding things tricky today!

I'm at home with my younger brother and my Gran who has dementia and can get explosively angry. It's always a fine line between gently suggesting things to her in order to stop her from harming herself/us and telling her what to do because she's being so difficult!

Today she is not in a particularly bad mood so I don't want to be unnecessarily nasty to her/about her BUT she keeps doing 'dirty jobs' and she does definitely know which things upset me.

This morning she washed the dogs dishes in the kitchen sink and got dog food all over the taps and the draining rack- I wouldn't mind but one of the dogs eats poo.

Our bathroom is very dirty as she has accidents a lot and there were some wet towels on a dirty part of the bathroom floor which she brought down so I put them into the wash which made me feel a bit grose but that's done anyway.

Then she was wiping bird poo off the bird bath and I put the tap on for her (if I ask her to wash her hands she screams & tells me to "Go to hell") and she washed them but only for 1 second, then she was picking stuff off the ground outside (I don't know what!-I think dog toys) and then she started fiddling with towels in the boiler cupboard.

I know this doesn't sound that much but I feel threatened by A. the lack of hygiene and potential risk to our health and B. the potential that Granny will explode if I ask her not to do anything/to wash her hands.

Heeelp xx

Edited June 18, 2012 by Annabel

[Guest Emma82]

Sadly there is not alot you can do regarding your grans hygiene i used to struggle when i worked in old peoples home with that we had a few of them that used to eat there own and others poo! But maybe the cupboard that has towels in you could possibly fit a lock so she couldnt get in? The kitchen stuff you could bleach. I dont really no what else to suggest sorry.

Em

[Guest Annabel]

Thanks Emma, it's just a hassle and makes me so anxious. How are you today? xx

[Guest FlyingEagle]

I platonically love you Annabel. It's a hard situation for you. Any chance you can move out of home or is that not possible?

[Guest Emma82]

I no and i feel for you izzie big hugs im ok having few family troubles myself today! X

[Guest Annabel]

Aw, hope that gets sorted Emma!

Thank you for kind message Flyingeagle! I hope you're coping okay today- was it nice to see your parents yesterday? I was living part-time here and part-time in my university city but am giving up my flat there from September and can't afford a train ticket to go up there just now as my maintenance loan has been spent on food for the household!

:hug: to both of you!

xxx

Edited June 18, 2012 by Annabel

[Guest Zee]

Hi Annabel - your doing such a great job there. I know its really hard i do some work with people with dementia and some of them can be really aggressive, mostly verbally. I dont know what else to say but your a great person who is helping someone despite it being so difficult for you so well done. :original:

[joanne123]

Your doing great as zee said looking after your gran and coping with everything else you should be proud of yourself i hope you have a better day tommorow xx

[oetegenn1976]

Your doing a fab job, as for your grandma dementia is a horrible and your grandma dosent even know that shes doing is wrong, its like they go back to their childhood days, my gran had it and it was very upsetting especially when she got mad, she would call us all kinds of names! I dont think you can atually stop what your grandma is doing, but however, as mentioned put a lock on the door where the towels are left, or move them! Also instead of washing her hands, couldnt you by some alcohol gel that hospitals use and say to your grandma that its hand cream and that you want to treat her to a hand massage! It may work lol.

Also understand what your grandma is going through, maybe look up dementia on the internet and learn how to approach etc, and try and be patient with your grandma, speak softly and try not to shout as this may make her mad and you obviously dont want to upset her.

Let us know how you get on hun.

Jo x

[Guest FlyingEagle]

Aw, hope that gets sorted Emma!

Thank you for kind message Flyingeagle! I hope you're coping okay today- was it nice to see your parents yesterday? I was living part-time here and part-time in my university city but am giving up my flat there from September and can't afford a train ticket to go up there just now as my maintenance loan has been spent on food for the household!

:hug: to both of you!

xxx

Ahhhhhh, are you able get more income somehow so you can move out down here? Or up there?

I am fine. It was nice to go to my parent's - i needed it i think.

[Guest sarah1984]

Hi Annabel,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time dealing with your nan's behaviour. Dementia is such a cruel disease. I wondered whether your family has received any help from the Alzheimer's Society www.alzheimers.org.uk who do a wonderful job improving the lives of dementia sufferers and their carers. They produce a wide range of factsheets that you might find useful including 'Coping with incontinence' http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=136; 'Washing and bathing' http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=155 and 'Dealing with aggressive behaviour' http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=96. They also have a forum called 'Talking Point' http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forum.php where you can contact other carers and share tips and advice.

Take Care,

Sarah

[SaraJane]

Sending hugs Annabel - that 's a tough situation to be in. You sound like you're doing a fab job of dealing with it with patience especially as it is challenging your ocd - well done.

I've little experience of dementia so don't know what to suggest - although you've had some good suggestions already here.

When I'm finding a situation difficult especially when my ocd is aggravated then I try and pace myself through it - stealing away every moment I can to rest and get a break from things.

Sending love

Sara xx

[Guest FlyingEagle]

Down where i am we have a charity "care for the carers" but they only work with people in our area. But there are other charities around the country, i hope there's one near you that help the carers. Best of luck.