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I just feel so alone and misunderstood with all this anxiety and depression etc. I know you guys understand and that is why I love this forum and the members in it :) but when it comes to real life, I feel none of my family understand truly how and why I feel like this, my friends are clueless and seem to be living their happy, active, motivated lives, even forming relationships and I'm left here going through the motions of life, not leaving the house (unless I go to the shops...which still dull), only socializing if booze are involved as I don't actually care about seeing the people themselves, and I just feel the pressure of university, jobs and life creeping up on me and I couldn't care less about any of that. I feel emotionally numb and putting on a happy face is really getting old now. :/

Anyone else feel like this? Playing guitar is the only thing that seems to be putting a semi-smile of my face, but my parents will get worried if I just play that all day and don't do anything else with my life.

Ugh...annoying times.

Thanks guys.

Will

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Guest PaulM

Hi Will, I just started a similar thread. So it seems you're not alone in feeling alone. ;)

Yeah, it's very difficult.

I play guitar as well. I had to sell off everything about two years ago, even my beloved Gibson J-45. :(

But Santa brought my daughter a guitar this year. She lets me play it a bit until I can get back on my feet.

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Guest heatherm

Ditto, I think most people with genuine OCD (not those who joke about being OCD - which always makes me think 'if only you knew!') feel alone/Freaky/Wierd etc. I cant say anything to help with the depression/anxiety aside from.... i 100% know how you feel... and its ****. I empathise/sympathise with you! xx

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Thanks for the reply Paul. :)

That's great to hear you play guitar and even better...you can share that interest with your daughter which must be nice. Music truly is the only thing keeping me sane, haha :p I've just seen you're thread and I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough patch,

Also, thanks heatherm, you're completely right. :) It's not worth it educating people on something so complex...let them joke all they want, they'll never know. We have to ignore them.

It seems like there should be a "Depression & Anxiety Bar & Grill" to open up for people with this sort of thing to meet up and all of us to understand each other...might be a bit hard with social anxiety but you get the idea. ;)

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Guest heatherm

Could you imagine.... a bar and grill full of OCD peeps.... what a TV show that would be! on a serious note, I really do wish I could flick a switch (as I'm sure you do) and not be so anxious... do you ever feel relaxed?? i don't... my mind feels so busy all the time! arghhhh

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I never feel relaxed either. :/ Even when I have my random bursts of clarity and happiness, my mind is still racing and it doesn't last long. Especially in public, I'm thinking about anything and everything: analyzing people's reactions to me, wondering if I am mumbling too much and they don't understand me, worrying if I look or seem anxious...even around my friends. Damn, it's so annoying! Someone give me that switch. :p

Don't even get me started on trying to get to sleep...nasty job that is.

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Guest heatherm

Oh my god I know exactly how you feel..... I go out for the day and its spoilt by my worries and mind running away... I am also the same when talking to people... always worrying that I am saying the wrong thing, then I ramble about nothing to fill in space...

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Guest -Nizz-

Hi Will.

I just wish to state my experiences regarding support from friends and family - my family probably don't understand it much but I personally prefer it that way, less embarrassing, and regarding friends I found that when I was going through my bad time that they didn't need to be "in the know" about my feelings (again, I preferred it that way) but the fact that they were just around, smiley and happy (or seemingly) was enough support.

I don't know how you'd find this, but do they need to know?

I hope you see what I'm getting at. It's late and I'm tired :p.

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Hey Will,

when it comes to real life, I feel none of my family understand truly how and why I feel like this, my friends are clueless and seem to be living their happy, active, motivated lives, even forming relationships and I'm left here going through the motions of life

I think it is very difficult for friends and family to understand exactly what we go through as OCD sufferers, it really is one of those things that unless you experience it, it is very difficult to understand. I've found my friends and family to be supportive but at times they just don't understand but that's okay as sometimes I don't understand why I feel the way I do too and I have OCD! I also agree with you when you say that you are just 'going through the motions of life'. I find that I just seem to be getting on with life without particularly enjoying what I do, just doing it because I have too. I really wish I could enjoy life for what it is instead of constantly worrying.

I just feel the pressure of university, jobs and life creeping up on me and I couldn't care less about any of that. I feel emotionally numb and putting on a happy face is really getting old now. :/

I know what you mean. Most days I don't even want to get out of bed but I know that I have to just keep going otherwise I'll never get better. I think it is important to remember that OCD is an illness and it can be treated. Although it may seem hard now, we don't have to accept that we will always feel like this, I think with the right help and support we can beat this thing and start to enjoy life without all the constant worries!

Edited by Nik
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Thanks for the replies guys. :)

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow (not my CBT-ist, but the guy who recommended him) and I'll vent everything and hopefully get back on a higher dose of escitalopram, maybe even change to a different anti-depressant? Who knows. Hopefully after a nice chat tomorrow I'll feel better.

Thanks again guys, hope you're all doing ok.

Will

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