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Hi everyone,

I have not been around for while as things have been more or less under control, yet here I am again and in what can only be described as an OCD/Depression mix at the moment. I am trying to work out which symptoms are for which but I am getting my mind confused. I know the rigmarol, I know the coping mechanisms but I feel so low and lacking motivation.

I was hoping someone may be able to tell me if this is more OCD or Depression?

I have been signed off work for the past 2 weeks with stress. Granted I have a lot going on - my mums Multiple Sclerosis is getting worse, my youngest son has been diagnosed with ADHD, my marriage is under pressure and I still have a weight problem. Not trying to feel sorry for myself just cant see the wood for the trees at the moment.

All of my day at the moment is spent thinking - thinking through situations, trying to come up with solutions, putting myself down (almost like a voice telling me I am rubbish, a failure, getting ill again etc - except its not a voice, it is me telling myself these things).

I have spoke about my stresses at work and feel that people will talk about me, think bad of me, judge me, put me down (I know for definate they have been talking about me whilst I have not been there - saying about how can I go off with stress, we all have stress in our lives etc etc). My boss who granted has been quite nice to to me prior to this asked me to let her know when and IF I am coming back. So I think she doesn't want me to come back and is going to make my life hell. I work in Domiciliary Care. Mental Health seems to be a joke around the office - they know about my OCD and anxiety and depression so it hurts that they make fun of people with mental health issues.

They tell me I need to toughen up, man up and stop being so serious and pananoid. Yet the boss is slagging me off to my co-workers. Arrrgggghhhh. I dont want to go back but financially I cant afford to be at home and my other half says I should go back.

My mind is thinking, over and over and over about things - analysing, figuring out, catastrophizing etc. Is this OCD ???

I feel a rubbish person and feel so low all the time. People trying to do nice things for me makes me think "why, I dont deserve it" If one more person tells me to snap out of it or change my thinking, I think I might scream.

Also I want desperately to have another baby but I am terrified. My OCD was out of control when I was pregnant last time. I dont think that could ever happen again but time is ticking.

Any advice or opinions would be great x

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hi

i'm bit tired here but will try to advise u as best as i can -

when u think bad negative thoughts - dont engage and distract urself away. thinking about them does not help in anyway.

this depressed phase will pass and you will feel lighter again

i hate when people speak badly about mental illness - it gets me down too. but you have to ignore it and believe that they r just ignorant and lucky not to have it. it doesnt make u a lesser person. You cannot help getting mental illness but there are ways to address it and lead a happy life.

take care

xx

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