my ERP Journey

[oetegenn1976]

I have now started my ERP and I did the recording of a minor problem to start with..... which was hitting my dogs over the head with a hammer and visualising the smashed head and blood etc!

I listened to the recording everyday and it did start getting boring, so told my therapist after a week of doing this that I needed to move up onto another problem.

We then moved on to driving my car into a river, as this was the next minor one on my list, but then I said to my therapist about how can a recording just help ocd and is there anything else I could move on with by still doing the dogs problem, I told her my trigger was hammers, knives anything that's a potential weapon!

So I thought that this would be a good place to progress, so on the night, I decided to do my erp and I sat there with my recording and a hammer in my hand. My anxiety shot up to an 8 but after 50 mins went down to a 5, I was really chuffed with this....... but the next day when I woke up my thoughts were in turmoil, I was thinking that I was gonna smash everyone over the head with the hammer and harm everyone I saw, my anxiety all day has been up and down! The hammer is still in eye view so I'm not avoiding and I'm still doing exposure as such, but I haven't done my erp homework tonight!

I will do it tomorrow as its too late now, I fall asleep earlier, really feels weird doing erp though, does it atually work? Maybe I'm just having a lil setback as the hammer is the main trigger of my thoughts.

Just thought I would share.

Jo x

[Guest sofia]

I think it's strong of you to put yourself in that situation, it must've been really hard for you. Good work

[Caramoole]

Well Done Jo....it takes a lot of courage to face these exposures.

Thinking about it rationally, these fears that have been so entrenched aren't going to disappear quickly. If it were so simple OCD wouldn't be as difficutt a disorder as it is.

Stick with it and keep working with your therapist, building the skills as you go along. Even when we make good progress, upsurges often occur. The trick is not to be taken aback or surprised but to be ready for it and reapply the CBT skills.

Keep us up to date with your progress.

Caramoole

[oetegenn1976]

Thank you, this morning my anxiety has raised again, with the feeling I'm going mad and out of control blah blah blah which of course is the ocd talking! I'm going to carrying on despite my anxiety symptoms.......

I always feel a lot better when I'm busy, when I'm not I think more, but I am going to set aside a n hour everyday to think about the thoughts and let them be......

Anxiety feels so ****, but at least I know I'm alive, and what dosent kill you makes you stronger!

I'm taking my daughter to a play group today, should be fun.

Take care and I will keep all updated with my journey x

Jo x

[Guest sarah1984]

Good luck with your exposure work Jo.

[oetegenn1976]

Well for a full week I have had the hammer in the kitchen staring at me and making me have such horrible images about my loved ones.

Sometimes in the morning I have been feeling low and depressed, but sometimes I have been ok too....

I am currently doing my exposure now, and have the hammer right beside me! And yes I do have the thoughts and my anxiety is about a 7, but I feel I am in control and I'm just letting the thoughts and images be there.

Just thought I would keep you informed of my exposure journey x

Jo x

[Guest sarah1984]

Well done - keep up the good work!

[oetegenn1976]

Well this morning was a bit of a setback! Was feeling real emotional and thinking i was a horrid monster! Ocd sure knows how to press these panic buttons lol.

Gonna do my erp soon always feel apprehensive before i start it. Will do it by recording today as dont like holding the hammer by myself....which i suppose is a bit of avoidance going on there! But i still have the hammer in view and my thoughts are totally doing my head in! But seeing therapist tomorrow so ok....

How is everyone else doing?