Guest Zee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Hi there Not posted for some time, have been doing great but last couple of days had some really strong ocd attack that has left me feeling down as i thought i had cured my ocd. An old theme of mine popped up triggered by a dream and then some stupid what if thought. I should have known better but i allowed myself to start trying to remember exact details of the trigger and this left me more and more doubting and unable to truly know what was real and what was ocd. I have resisted engaging in the thoughts for 2 days now and am just getting on with life. Im getting better which is great, anxiety is down, feel more grounded and rational now however it really took me by surprise. I wanted to ask people to please give their own experiences of how ocd can make something unreal feel real and if they have also felt at times unable to tell the difference between ocd and reality. Many thanks Zee Link to comment
Guest Zee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 that was all quite confusing - what im really asking is "has your ocd ever made you believe you might have done something awful but you couldn't remember doing it?" and if so please give some example. Sorry dont mean to bump this up but wanted to be clear. thx Link to comment
machiato Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Hi Zee, OCD makes things seem real that are not real. It taints our memories of events. It makes us feel things. Think things. Applies thoughts (what if, but I, did? should I? etc) and feeds off our fear of uncertainty. Uncertainty is OCDs breakfast, lunch and dinner for the each and every episode, which makes our uncertainty worse with each event. I prefer not to give a specific example at this moment because I dont want you comparing it to your experience and analyzing yours further. The rule of thumb that we must always apply: If you are not sure if its OCD or not?..... ITS OCD. Link to comment
Guest onecando Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Hi Zee, OCD makes things seem real that are not real. It taints our memories of events. It makes us feel things. Think things. Applies thoughts (what if, but I, did? should I? etc) and feeds off our fear of uncertainty. Uncertainty is OCDs breakfast, lunch and dinner for the each and every episode, which makes our uncertainty worse with each event. I prefer not to give a specific example at this moment because I dont want you comparing it to your experience and analyzing yours further. The rule of thumb that we must always apply: If you are not sure if its OCD or not?..... ITS OCD. What if you've had a specific thought for a couple of years that you sort of just learn to live with it and it almost doesn't alarm you anymore? but, you are still riddled with a gut wrenching feeling every day and guilt. And you think that you are just using OCD as a excuse to disguise your true feelings? OR if you have had a thought for so long that you are convinced its real and what you really think? Link to comment
machiato Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 What if you've had a specific thought for a couple of years that you sort of just learn to live with it and it almost doesn't alarm you anymore? but, you are still riddled with a gut wrenching feeling every day and guilt. And you think that you are just using OCD as a excuse to disguise your true feelings? OR if you have had a thought for so long that you are convinced its real and what you really think? This is a classic case of OCD that has never been resolved properly through correct exposure. Its what I call 'simmering soup syndrome'... your soup is on the stove boiling away, you dont sort it out through CBT properly and take it off the hob. Instead you do one of the things you just mentioned or learn sub-conscious avoidance which turns the soup down to simmering point. It sits there simmering forever, waiting for a spike to turn it up to boiling point again. If there is no spike, the soup continues to just simmer away until therapy resolves the issue. Link to comment
Guest onecando Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 This is a classic case of OCD that has never been resolved properly through correct exposure. Its what I call 'simmering soup syndrome'... your soup is on the stove boiling away, you dont sort it out through CBT properly and take it off the hob. Instead you do one of the things you just mentioned or learn sub-conscious avoidance which turns the soup down to simmering point. It sits there simmering forever, waiting for a spike to turn it up to boiling point again. If there is no spike, the soup continues to just simmer away until therapy resolves the issue. Ive never been to the doctors about OCD so ive never been diagnosed. How do I know it is OCD? but everything i read on here is exactly how i feel/felt in the past. even from my childhood ive had stomach churning thoughts. one vivid memory i have is when i was convinced i had HIV. I must have only been about 9 or 10 year old? Link to comment
Guest Zee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) Hi Machiato and Onecando - YES YES YES what you say makes perfect sense. Regarding the soup analogy - i have had one fear that i might of done something awful almost one year ago but dont remember and this was "simmering" i was almost used to it but it was triggered again. How do you do exposure to something your not sure is even real? I even find myself doubting if i have ocd at all Edited March 31, 2013 by Zee Link to comment
machiato Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Ive never been to the doctors about OCD so ive never been diagnosed. How do I know it is OCD? but everything i read on here is exactly how i feel/felt in the past. even from my childhood ive had stomach churning thoughts. one vivid memory i have is when i was convinced i had HIV. I must have only been about 9 or 10 year old? Hi friend, please make that step and go to your GP and get your referral! Its the step to being free . I waited till my 30s before doing so and getting diagnosed. Other than a lot of heartache, the worst thing about it is that my OCD is now much worse than it used to be... much worse. Please take that step to get it sorted. There is no need to be afraid, as your case has been heard many times before by GPs and therapists! Hi Machiato and Onecando - YES YES YES what you say makes perfect sense. Regarding the soup analogy - i have had one fear that i might of done something awful almost one year ago but dont remember and this was "simmering" i was almost used to it but it was triggered again. How do you do exposure to something your not sure is even real? I even find myself doubting if i have ocd at all Hey, firstly, doubting that you even have OCD is actually OCD in itself, because if we didnt have it, our fears would be true. Thats why it tells us we may not have it. We even feel quite ok on some days to further convince this. Regards to the exposure, you will find that you are probably performing a lot of unnoticed rituals (compulsions) and avoidances. These can be attacked using ERP. Think very carefully... is there anything you are doing when these problems arise or even when you think they may come up? e.g. I have a fear that I will be aroused by kids, so without even noticing, if I walk past a school a look straight down at my feet to avoid looking. Or when an intrusion or worry comes to mind I begin to question it and analyze it - thats also a compulsion! Just off the top of your head, can you think of such instances? if you kept a diary for the whole week you will probably notice tones more! Link to comment
Guest Zee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Thanks so much - i have realized where im going wrong. For this particular theme i have never truly and deeply accepted that its ocd and have to a large degree believed it was ocd but allowed some doubt to remain. Therefore i say NO MORE to this, i do have ocd and this particular thought is OCD and is not real. Im ready for the fight with ocd now, im not going to allow this doubt to remain. Best wishes Z Link to comment
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