Fresh guilt

[Cub]

Hi everyone

I hope you all had a good Easter. This post contains some references to *ahem* grown-up things, so please tread with care.

I'm feeling guilty because I was reading some stories online this morning and came across one particular Explicit one. I don't tend to read explicit stories but I was tempted by this one because of the summary. I didn't read it, I just skimmed it before leaving again.

Now, though, I feel guilty for essentially 'succumbing to temptation' - the story wasn't anything too dodgy and there wasn't anything illegal in it or anything but truthfully, it's not one I would normally read, I don't think and now I feel awful. I'm not going to ask for reassurance, but I have been compulsively praying - although trying not to - and really, this whole thing is my fault and I should have just listened to my common sense before clicking the link. I just feel I let myself down by taking advantage and having a look, when I probably shouldn't have and some of my thoughts were saying, 'Oh, go on, you're only human.' I know I'm loved, but I do feel guilty for not listening to my morals, and basically feel I walked into the situation and just let myself down on all fronts.

Yep. I'm just an idiot.

C.

[machiato]

Had a similar issue today Cubby. We are drawn to our fears with ocd and it makes us look. What i recommend as a fellow religious person is if you feel you have sinned - pray once and ONCE only. God knows both your disposition and level of repentence before you even did. He also knows what ocd is and how it troubles you. Even if you wernt to pray for forgiveness, God still knows how you feel. To compulsively pray is ocd - not religion. Religion is faith in God's mercy. Compulsive praying is ocd!

[SaraJane]

Had a similar issue today Cubby. We are drawn to our fears with ocd and it makes us look. What i recommend as a fellow religious person is if you feel you have sinned - pray once and ONCE only. God knows both your disposition and level of repentence before you even did. He also knows what ocd is and how it troubles you. Even if you wernt to pray for forgiveness, God still knows how you feel. To compulsively pray is ocd - not religion. Religion is faith in God's mercy. Compulsive praying is ocd!

I agree Cub - once is enough

I don't think you're not an idiot - please try not to be unkind to yourself - you are worth so much more.

Sending love

Sara xx

[Cub]

Hi, M and Sara

I felt guilty because I thought, 'Well, God knows I'm only human and is very forgiving,' before I clicked on the link. *facepalm* I know. I know. I've become a lot less rigid in the past couple of years but I think this was taking it too far really. I do feel I've done a bad thing by not listening to my morals and taking advantage of God's forgiveness because I wished, in retrospect, I hadn't done it and I'd moved on from the link, even turned the computer off. I know I haven't done a hugely bad thing in the grand scheme of things - the story wasn't in anyway 'hurtful', it just wasn't for me, but I got curious and went to have a look rather than walking on by, even though it's usually the kind of thing I avoid. I just felt I'd let myself down and I didn't deserve forgiveness.

I'm very sorry to be so offensive and if I've upset you both, but thankyou very much for your advice and good wishes.

C x

[SaraJane]

Cub - you're reply was very sweet - I am not at all offended by your post and you do not need to say sorry to me at all. I was concerned about you and wanting you to know that you are worth good things.

We all succumb to temptations at times - I know I do in lots of ways. God does forgive us whether it was deliberate or accidental.

Sending love hunny xx

[machiato]

How could i be offended cub? I am a far bigger sinner than you! Be kind to yourself cub. Clicking on the link was more likely ocd and even if it wasnt, the way you feel means you are forgiven. Any further deliberation is the ocd talking.

[Cub]

Thankyou, you two. You are both wonderful. I have been feeling guilty about what I did this morning, but I will try not to let the OCD rule the day. :hug:

[Guest Zee]

Dear Cub

I also believe in God. He is my best friend who I can approach with full faith that he loves me and wont reject me (or you).

In the past i have also compulsively prayed - i think we do it to try and rid ourselves of the bad feelings. Anyway what i do now is apologize sincerely once - if i feel i did something wrong and if i get the urge to compulsively pray i dont give in and try to keep a clear vision that its ocd making me do that.

Very important to remember that God knows your heart and mind better than you know yourself so no possibility of any misunderstanding. God is all loving, no need to be afraid :original:

[Cub]

Many thanks to you, Zee. :hug: I hope you're okay.