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Hi I m new to this sorry if I will say anything wrong


Guest Larisa

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Guest Larisa

Hi, I m in a relationship with my partner for over one year , he's having OCD and I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I hope I will find here any support and advice . He's being a very nice person for few days and after suddenly something is wrong, but really wrong , I m afraid sometimes to ask or say to him something and he will turn everything I said in something bad , is getting paranoid about any different opinion that we have in a conversation , is getting very angry sometimes even aggressive and after this is crying and now he start even drinking sometimes. Is blaming me or others for anything is going wrong in his life . I have rules in our apartment about keeping doors open from toilets all the time, he's working most of the time even in night time he can't rest is searching all the time for new businesses to do , after is criticisizing myself that I m not working as much as he's doing, even he knows I m pregnant and I m not as strong as I was ,and in the next moment is saying that I don't need to work cuz he's doing everything from pleasure , I don't understand anymore what I m doing wrong? My mom came in visit for a long period soon she needs to go back , is talking about her that she's dirty she's not washing herself everyday or why is she doing jokes when he's working so hard . Before me to get pregnant he didn't let me have my own job , ( as we have a little business together I wanted to get out cuz I couldn't be around him so much anymore) , he's getting all the money on his debit card , he didn't put me on papers that I m living together with him , I know all this things sounds crazy but I don't know if he's having OCD how he's saying or is just very possessive . Sometimes I feel scared that in any moment I could be in streets with my baby cuz I haven't got anything , I have put all my trust in him. I feeling so sad , sometimes even depressed cuz all of the insults that he's putting on me or my mother without any reason . Please give me an advice, I'm foreign in this country as well I haven't got any friends anymore not here in uk not even back in my country anymore. He restrained me of everything and everybody ?!

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Guest Larisa

Please anybody tell me how should I deal with a person with OCD I really love my partner so much and I wouldn't like to end my relationship I want to help him and helping myself in the same time !?

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Hi. If you have a read through the friends and family part of the forum you will get a great idea of how people cope with there partners/ family/ OCD. Perhaps the mods can move your post there for some great advice. Xx take care

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Hi Larisa :original:

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, especially while you're pregnant, it can't be easy for you at all.

I don't understand anymore what I m doing wrong?

You're not doing anything wrong, genuinely, nothing at all - but it's very difficult to know if your partner's behaviour is down to having OCD or as you say, is he being possessive.

Either way, it's completely unacceptable that he's being aggressive towards you, there's no excuse for that sort of behaviour.

It worries me when you say he's 'restrained me of everything and everybody,' people with OCD can be controlling, not out of choice, but because they're being driven to do what they do by the condition - the keeping doors open in your apartment and concerns over your mum's cleanliness could point towards OCD, but getting angry with you for disagreeing with him suggests control and abuse to me.

I guess you could say, maybe his behaviour is down to what he's going through with the OCD (if he has OCD) but even so, it's still unacceptable for him to be treating you this way.

As you're living in the UK I'd recommend trying to get your partner to see his GP to get a formal diagnosis for OCD, but I'd be concerned about your welfare if he didn't take too kindly to someone even suggesting he may have OCD.

I know it has to be your decision whether you feel the relationship is a healthy one and one that you want to pursue, but do you have anyone at all that you could stay with, if you decided to leave him? In the UK we have charity's that help support women who have left abusive partners, would that be an option?

Please put yourself and your baby first, even if he does have OCD, if he's unwilling to access treatment for it, it's unlikely that the situation will resolve itself.

Just in case it might be helpful, if you click on this LINK HERE it will you take you to Shelter, a charity that might be able to help you.

Please look after yourself, Hal

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Guest Larisa

No, it's not easy at all...I do believe is not easy for him either, but some other things about him makes me wondering if is using OCD cuz of his agressivity . I do believe that is having OCD because is having obsession of numbers cleaning doors etc but I don't understand what is with his agressivity towards me... Thank u very much Hal I m goin to take your advice . Today I spoke to him about goin to have some therapy as soon as my mom will go back to my country . I don't know yet if he will do it or not .

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Guest Larisa

Sometimes I think about him that is having two personalities , I don't know is just weird the situation I m going thru. I'm confused about many aspects . I hope that things will change because I do love him , and I want to be with him but sometimes I just want to run away and I can't cuz I don't have anything and this keeps me more .after everything is going back to normal happy family again , in the next few days bang something is wrong .

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It's understandable you feel like running away, most people in the same situation would feel like that, I hope he does decide to find someone to help him treat the OCD, he's lucky to have someone whose prepared to stick with him - you must put your own health first, especially as you're pregnant.

Maybe at some point, do you think it would help your partner to take a look at the Support Forum? If he does decide to check it out we can set your posts as invisible for you - just contact us using the button at the top of the page and we can sort that out for you.

I hope things improve for you soon :original: Hal

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Hi Larisa

Hal has given you some great advice, although I think I have read it right that your Mother is actually going home soon?

From the flag you have I believe you are Polish and I wondered if your partner is Polish also?

I, like Hal, am very concerned for your wellbeing especially as you are pregnant and although I dont know anything about this organisation, I would urge you to contact them, as at the very least it might help you to feel less lonely than you do now.

http://www.helpforpoles.org/english/

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, but you must put your baby and yourself first.

Carol

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