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I'm thinking about committing suicide


Guest arctic_vixen80

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AV it's not you at all it's the illness when you're so low you're really so powerless to change things because the depression has such a strong hold on you.I know you're trying so hard&you aren't letting life pass you by please try not to listen to what your brother said ok no offence intended here.If you could do things to make things better I'm sure you would but easier said than done.It's like when we have the flu not the same of course but with severe depression,OCD etc etc your strength is so low and only til when you get better things will be so easy to change and then they will follow pretty gradually like there's no tomorrow.

Being scared is natural it's very common I know it's a terrible feeling and very daunting&distressing,but I know you can&will comethrough this just right now it's all black and hopeless because the way you're sadly unfortunately feeling.You can only try your best hun something will work,some won't&sadly pretty much when you're so low nothing really helps due to the horrible nature of the illness of course it's not your fault at all please remember that ok hun :original: .

I can try my best to help you anyway you like if you like,my experiences throughout my life maybe something may help you hopefully? :original: .

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Guest Jules123

Thanks for your condolences Arctic, I appreciate it. Yeah, it has been a tough couple of years. I lost my mum when I was 20 (43 now) so my dad was my world. About 10 years ago I had a really bad obsession with death which lasted a couple a years and in the end I had to have therapy. It made me really depressed and I was having panic attacks but I think I just accepted that one as more normal given that I had lost my mum and eventually I came out of it. I never thought about it staying forever and I think that is the main fear with the sensorimotor OCD. You give sound advice about just letting the awareness be there and not letting it bother you, that's the part I'm having trouble with but I'm trying to work on it. I have some very understanding friends but even they can't quite get what is so bad about thinking about breathing, but it really is so uncomfortable and anxiety provoking. I should think it's very similar with the swallowing. Sensorimotor OCD is portable as well so we pretty much take it everywhere with us. One thing I have learnt though is that avoidance pretty much makes it worse because then I feel like there is no hope of recovery, so I try to push myself further these days even if I feel really anxious. I've always been pretty strong minded so there is no alternative for me but to keep going and hoping there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

You are going through a really tough time right now but as I said before I believe finding a good therapist can make all the difference. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for the therapy and really wish you the best of luck with it. Please keep us posted about your progress and let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

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Guest arctic_vixen80

Thank you Ace for your reply. This illness is awful the way it makes me feel so low. I'm not deliberately trying to let life pass me by. My brother doesn't understand what it's like to have sensory motor OCD. If I didn't suffer from this I would move on with my life.

I hope I can come through this. I just dunno how.

Thank you Ace that's very kind of you. x

Thanks for your reply Jules. Sorry to hear about your Mum that must have been very tough for you. I've had obsessions with death. I feels scared about what happens after death. Yeah one of fears is having sensory motor OCD for life. I'm really struggling to just let the awareness be there and accept the swallowing but I have managed to do it with blinking and breathing. My family don't understand why I'm so scared about the awareness of swallowing. I wish I was like them. Yeah I find swallowing very uncomfortable. It is scary how it's portable and you can avoid it very easily. For people that are say scared spiders, knifes etc they can just leave the room but swallowing and breathing stays with you.

I really hope that there will be good therapist at CADAT that can understand my problem.

Thank you that's very kind of you. x

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AV you're very welcome always&ever :original: ,no offence to your borother but he doesn't clearly understand what you're going through.And you aren't letting life pass you by because if you could stop&change everything like anyone/everyone else you would do it surely in a heartbeat that's for sure.The illness does a great job of making us feel like we're well you know :D ,it's never easy at all with OCD that's for sure you can only do your best that's the main thing and that you're always doing 110% no doubt AV :original: .

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Guest arctic_vixen80

Thanks for your reply EzioAuditore. Self help wise I do a bit of mindfulness meditation and a technique called emotional freedom technique. I have a few self help books but dunno how to apply them to my sensory motor OCD.

Thank you ACE. Yeah I said to my brother is I could change and be well I would be working, living in my own place, living like other people in heartbeat.

I don't feel like I'm doing my best though. Today I couldn't bare to face the day and stayed in bed until 5pm. I felt anxious and had to take a diazapam to get myself up.

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Guest arctic_vixen80

I have 33 2mg ones. I don't like to take them to often because I think I heard some where if you take them to much the effect of them stops working.

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Hi Arctic.The reduction in sex drive seems to be common in all the ssri's as far as I can see but is only supposed to be a temporary thing when you start to take them so I would continue with them and as Tabatha says it will return in a while

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You're always welcome again AV,please try your best not to allow your brothers comments get to you no offence ok to him :D .People who don't suffer from OCD or any other such mental illness simply don't know what it's like.The last thing you're doing is letting life pass you by the illness is hampering your progress totally&none of it is your fault.about you not being able to get out of bed please try not to feel bad when I had my most severe depression or one of the worst i struggled to get out of bed being so worn down completely.Just try your best as you've been doing ok hun,if you can't do something try not to feel bad ok it's not like you're not trying.Your sex drive will return no doubt wjhen you get better loss of libido is so common with depression for e.g&even OCD surely.

Also well done about the diazepam if you really need to take one fair enough but be careful as people can get easily addicted to them and it ends up getting difficult to come off them :original: .

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Guest arctic_vixen80

I hope my sex drive comes back. I think it was the anti psychotic risperidone and that made it go.

Thank you ACE. I might show my brother this thread. I dunno if I can get him to understand. Sorry to hear you had such bad depression. Yesterday I got up ok but today stayed in bed. Feel like nothing can help again. I just dunno how to get through the days at the moment.

I'll be careful with the diazepam. I wish I could find an alternative way to calm down.

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No probs AV it's very understndable especially when you're so depressed if you really need to take the valium then you take it but I'm not going to say to you of course go for your life and take it like crazy :D .If that's what helps especially if you're really anxious and nothing else does as long as you're consulting with your Dr then I don't think it should be a problem to take it.Try not to worry ok in the means that because of your severe depression it's very hard for you to do much I know that will help right now as the illness clearly blocks everything.If you feel you can't get out of bed because it's too much then i don't think that's a real problem it's not like you're staying in there because you really want to it's your depression,OCD etc etc that is so powerful none of this is your fault always remember that ok hun.

No offence to your brother but I'm sure people who don't really know what it's like have the perception it is much easier to combat the OCD symptoms I know it's not their faults as they simply just don't know how difficult it is :original: .I know what it's like with such severe depression no matter what you try and do or what anyone says to you it doesn't really help as you're so low as hell.I know when being so depressed i struggled to get out of bed as only sleep was the best remedy really at that time&being awake was like complete misery I would cry all day long for e.g when I had bad depression always so I totally know where you're coming from.

You just try your best ok if something can help great if it doesn't please try not to take it personally as it's never your fault ok as you know with severe depression most nearly everything is impossible to help.

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