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Sooo worried- please help


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Hi all,

I used to post on the forum a lot as 'Annabel' but have been away for a bit.

I'm really really struggling at the moment- my OCD is terrible and I would really appreciate some help.

In January, following a bout of Depression, I made the stupid decision to leave the third year of University (partially based on an intrusive thought/as a compulsion) and regretted it immediately. At the same time my Mum had what she was told by the GP looked like a skin cancer and was sent for an emergency referral, luckily it was benign. During the waiting period before her appointment I completely lost it, worrying about what was going to happen; she has been faint and unwell since October and I was so scared about it. I drank every morning and sent weird messages to people I don't know very well to ask for reassurance (which was ridiculous!). At the same time my Dad had a septic knee, which often leads to septicaemia so I couldn't ask him for help.

Anyway as I mentioned Mum has been fainting and weak since October but this has been getting worse and she has had to leave patients at work to lie-down to avoid fainting and also had to lie-down to avoid fainting during a course that we went to together a few weeks ago. I am soooooooooooooo scared about it and have nagged her into requesting a blood test from the GP (I have been nagging since October but insisted this time). We used to go for walks in the evenings and she used to swim once or twice a week but she has been too fatigued for this and has had to quickly lie-down or sit down on lots of occasions. She has had a bad dental abscess since December and is blaming her recent dizziness/faintness on the infection and the antibiotics but I am so worried that it could be leukemia or lymphoma- I am finding it hard to calm down because I love my Mum more than anyone in the world and because she looks anaemic (under-eye area and hands) but is post-menopausal/59 so it can't be normal anaemia.

I don't think I have the resources to cope if anything is wrong- I have no friends, no boyfriend and no-one to make things ok. I have also ruined my parent's lives for several years and would be responsible. I can't stand the thought of anything happening.

I really hope this is just vicarious health OCD.

Does anyone have experience of this type of 'OCD' (my brother thinks it's OCD)?

Edited by BelAnna
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Hi Annabel,

I was just thinking about you the other day!

I'm sorry I can't be more help, but just wanted to say that I can very much relate to your situation and share your fears. My dad is in a care home and been seriously ill lately, and my mum (who I live with) isn't well either.

It's so difficult when OCD makes us catastrophise health problems as well, isn't it?

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Hi Lost,

I'm so sorry your parents are unwell! How are you today?

I am in an absolute state- my Mum just got a phone call from a hospital booking service from someone with a 'kind' but 'urgent' voice. I am terrified that she has cancer.

I don't want to live if anything is wrong :(

I have also had OCD about my Mum for years and am worried about that.

I can't cope

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I'm so sorry to hear that. Try not to imagine the worst (I know that is so hard!). You've known something was wrong for a while now, at least you might find out what it is and hopefully your mum can have some treatment to get better. How long do you have to wait for the appointment?

Hang on in there. It's amazing what we can cope with when we have to. x

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  • 3 weeks later...

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