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Going to marry but worry


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Next month, i am going to marry.. but 25 y of ocd/anxiety and regular on medi for the past 4 years. I do feel i have very less erection from long time and it actives only when i involved to the some erotic. Like watching on net.

Ocd ruined my life. All my past abt ocd i am going to hidden from my prospective. Bcz in my country most people, around 90 percent think any mental disorder is a big big issue. If i would be a predifined mental sufferur she would never reddy to marry me.

Am i wrong?

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Hi Naval,

Sorry things are difficult at the moment. Look, we can not change what OCD's robbed us of, but we can do what we can to make sure OCD does not rob our future. I don't know enough about the culture differences in India, but I would hope if your wife loved you enough she would look beyond the OCD and see you for the person you are.

But, what and how and when we tell partners is a huge issue, and only we can decided when it is right to do so. Others may disagree, but I think it is only fair you tell her before you marry, it will either make you stronger together or she will walk away, and if that happens maybe it is fate and you are better off without her?

Good luck and I do hope things work out ok.

Ashley :)

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Thankfully Dear Ashley,

But what to say when here or there when even most psychiatrists are not able to cure OCD productively so far but we are alive..

What a non ocdian could feel abt the disorder when we all too not understand it well.

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I nearly married an Asian girl (not far from you) before realising it would probably be a bad idea. I told her about my OCD in a language i thought she could understand but realised she was not really understanding it and she probably wasn't the one for me.

I'm with Ashley if you can tell her before you get married then i would do that.

Best of luck brother i hope things work out alright.

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Thanks for the reply.

I am soory..but i am not agree although your way may be important for others too!

In my life.. these are some facts about me.

* i came out most of my ocd most by my great encouragenees.

*i got and doing a reputed job for 3 y by my hard effort only.

* i am 34 now disscussed my ocd to many here including my family but till today nobody understood it and i never got any support apart from a good psychiatric.

What a need to introduce this stupid illness to someone new when i myself is capable to handle well?

In true, my taughfest struggle with the OCD made me so strong like:Today, nobody can tell.. "i am having any mental illness".

Anyway thanks for your suggestions to Sir Ashley and u. But my main problem was low libodo.. at the moment and not the ocd!!!

Thanks,

Naval

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Thanks for the reply.

What a need to introduce this stupid illness to someone new when i myself is capable to handle well?

I accept this may be a language 'lost in communication' thing here, so I am being diplomatic with my response :)

We are not talking about your OCD to a casual acquaintance we are talking about your wife, the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

At the end of the day it is your decision and I know it can be scary not knowing how people will react, but I think it would be unfair on her if you did not tell her. If she loves you, then it won't matter at all, and you can come to terms with your OCD together and learn about it together. That it itself may be enough to help with your libido.

If she reacts in a bad way, then it will be upsetting, but better you know now than after you're married. Better she knows now too.

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Well I accept there is a cultural difference here, so I take back the part I said about telling her
Yes its toatly arranged

This is what I suspected and why things like "If she loves you she'll accept......etc" don't necessarily apply in this case.

However, love and affection often develops over time and it may be that in time, you do feel that this is something that you can share with her and she can accept and support.

You do mention that you can still have erections when using erotic stimulus....this shows that everything is working properly and it may be that you find that your new marriage provides that erotic stimulation in itself. You could also talk to the person responsible for prescribing your medication to see if it could be changed to one with less problems.

You are both entering this new relationship without knowing everything about each other and you don't know what worries she may have about herself, she may be an anxiety sufferer and worrying as well, who knows?

Take it a step at a time, get to know each other and face any problems when and "If" they occur.....don't expect them or worry about them, that's only going to pile on the pressure.

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Well I accept there is a cultural difference here, so I take back the part I said about telling her, although I hope one day you feel able to do that.

Yes Dear Ashley, Right,There may be difference in people's thinking towards OCD here!

But I clearly see, some of my indian ocd sufferur's wives left them only bcz they have a mental issue.

Although some are fighting along with them.. who still love their loved ones..

but in this way problems are remain same or may be feel some better for a short time but ocd attacks again and again..as it do.This makes extra problem..& "the whole family suffers.

Most important I want to say.. what a need to say about OCD to anyone non ocdian. when I am able to handle OCD well.

Anyway for a long time since 4 y i am doing best in my all fields what non ocdians can do.

I think most of my ocd has been gone from the brain by my sincere exposure and challenging works towards my ocd fears.

Off-course i am on charge.

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This is what I suspected and why things like "If she loves you she'll accept......etc" don't necessarily apply in this case.

However, love and affection often develops over time and it may be that in time, you do feel that this is something that you can share with her and she can accept and support.

You do mention that you can still have erections when using erotic stimulus....this shows that everything is working properly and it may be that you find that your new marriage provides that erotic stimulation in itself. You could also talk to the person responsible for prescribing your medication to see if it could be changed to one with less problems.

You are both entering this new relationship without knowing everything about each other and you don't know what worries she may have about herself, she may be an anxiety sufferer and worrying as well, who knows?

Take it a step at a time, get to know each other and face any problems when and "If" they occur.....don't expect them or worry about them, that's only going to pile on the pressure.

This is what I suspected and why things like "If she loves you she'll accept......etc" don't necessarily apply in this case.

However, love and affection often develops over time and it may be that in time, you do feel that this is something that you can share with her and she can accept and support.

You do mention that you can still have erections when using erotic stimulus....this shows that everything is working properly and it may be that you find that your new marriage provides that erotic stimulation in itself. You could also talk to the person responsible for prescribing your medication to see if it could be changed to one with less problems.

You are both entering this new relationship without knowing everything about each other and you don't know what worries she may have about herself, she may be an anxiety sufferer and worrying as well, who knows?

Take it a step at a time, get to know each other and face any problems when and "If" they occur.....don't expect them or worry about them, that's only going to pile on the pressure.

I am agree with you thanks for your valuable suggestions.
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