PhilM Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 But | feel so many people using this forum do not listen to the excellent advice from those who have been there and bought the t-shirt. We're all sensitive but I've noticed a pattern were people will post a lot in a short period and then stop for a few days and continue the "wrong" way. Is it because people don't like being criticised - even constructively? Do they just want to off-load? I'd love to be in the position some people are in - receiving regular, appropriate CBT etc. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I just feel that GREAT advice is being offered - please take it. Phil Link to comment
Phili Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 It isn't that people don't listen to the advice, however, OCD is a cycle. Often the reason people don't post for a while and then post in the same negative way is because they were trying to resist it but got bullied into it by their OCD again. The pattern you are seeing is OCD. Link to comment
Guest It'sOnlyNatural Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) Just wanted to say that it isn't harsh...I know I do this and actually I probably need to be told that more often. For me, I think these forums have become a compulsion. I mean, I get an OCD thought, or start feeling extreme guilt or doubt, and then the only way to alleviate that is to come here, write out everything I'm feeling and then any replies (no matter what they really say) help me because ultimately they are telling me that it is just OCD and not because I am a psychopath or whatever. Does that make sense? I am also not receiving CBT or anything at the moment so maybe that is why I am allowing myself to slip in and out of this pattern of thinking. I guess that's one problem with having a forum full of people at various stages of recovery - some days I feel like helping others and being constructive, and on other days I just use this forum as a compulsion - to make me feel less guilty or to stop doubting whether or not I have OCD. For me, it's not that I don't want to hear criticism...I just find it really hard to take on advice, because literally the act of getting a reply alleviates the anxiety, if that makes sense. I am trying really hard to take people's advice. But the moment I start to feel better or more positive, I start to get overwhelming guilt which makes me question why I have OCD and how I developed it and whether there is something wrong with me/if I'm a terrible person. I don't know why I do this. The one piece of advice I feel like I could really need/take in board is how to stop this pattern - the moment I start feeling better, the guilt I feel for being better makes me almost deliberately seek out OCD-behaviour, as though that is what I "should" be doing instead of risking being better (because if I start getting better that means I never had OCD and no one will help me or take me seriously or care about me). That's how it feels for me anyway, and that is definitely why I have this pattern of lots of posts in a day or two. I am honestly going to make an effort to try to stop this though. Edited April 24, 2016 by It'sOnlyNatural Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 But | feel so many people using this forum do not listen to the excellent advice from those who have been there and bought the t-shirt. We're all sensitive but I've noticed a pattern were people will post a lot in a short period and then stop for a few days and continue the "wrong" way. Is it because people don't like being criticised - even constructively? Do they just want to off-load? I'd love to be in the position some people are in - receiving regular, appropriate CBT etc. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I just feel that GREAT advice is being offered - please take it. Phil I think you have identified a problem and one we're all guilty of to varying degrees (or most of us, anyway). I see a lot of this type of thing, too. Link to comment
taurean Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 People don't tend to make notes of the good points, copy and paste bits onto their own document to save, or simply right click then click print to print off a page from a thread. Also they struggle to accept the fundamentals of how the disorder works - most tellingly that their own brain misfires and they are actually suffering from it. And that if they do tackle and make the painful (initially) thinking and behavioural changes, it is possible to improve. Link to comment
Em24 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I agree, excellent advice is offered countless times. I've been on the forum about 8 months now and have definitely noticed a pattern like this. There are plenty of procrastinators on here who need a good kick up the bum! But for whatever reason they won't take the advice on board. It can be extremely frustrating (my mum has OCD but is in complete denial it's ruined our relationship) But everyone is different. Some are more positive than others. Some have a get up and brush your self down attitude while others want sympathy and use their illness as a road block to fulfilling their full potential in life. I must say this is the one thing that concerns me when thinking about becoming a CBT therapist. I must practice and master a very high level of patience. That's what OCD is though, if it's controlling them then all we can do is keep on pushing and encouraging them and hope that one day they will wake up and help themselves. Xx Link to comment
PhilM Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) My journey with OCD has lasted over 20 years - it took me YEARS to realise that seeking reassurance is the worst thing you can do. I have been there and bought the t-shirt. When my condition began I was 22 years old - hadn't heard of the internet, didn't know what a mobile phone was and I was living in a remote farming community in North Wales - a forum like this? Get real! There was literally NO information available about this condition. I spent time in psychiatric hospitals as a voluntary patient - and believe me you do not want to go there if you have an anxiety based condition. It is horrible. Fast forward 20 years and there is a wealth of information available online. This forum is STUNNING and mental health professionals I BELIEVE have come a long way. What I'm trying to say in my own clumsy way is please take on board a lot of the comments from people who know the score. Say you are 20? Do you want to still feel like this when you are 30? 40? Even if you are struggling to access appropriate treatment there are many things you can do to help yourself by taking on board the wise words posted on this forum. I mean the above with 100 per cent empathy for you my fellow OCD sufferers. I wish you all the best on your journey to a better life. Phil Edited April 26, 2016 by PhilM Link to comment
Caramoole Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 My journey with OCD has lasted over 20 years - it took me YEARS to realise that seeking reassurance is the worst thing you can do. I have been there and bought the t-shirt. When my condition began I was 22 years old - hadn't heard of the internet, didn't know what a mobile phone was and I was living in a remote farming community in North Wales - a forum like this? Get real! There was literally NO information available about this condition. I spent time in psychiatric hospitals as a voluntary patient - and believe me you do not want to go there if you have an anxiety based condition. It is horrible. Fast forward 20 years and there is a wealth of information available online. Ditto.......and I can times that by two to 40 years back !! Sometimes people still hope for the painless route....the magic pill, seeing a therapist who miraculously will "make" it go away, an alternative treatment or a supplement....... ........It isn't going to happen folks That's the first cold, hard truth that has to be taken on board, digested and accepted. The only person to get you out of this is you, by taking that leap of faith and steadily applying the advice that's out there. Medication may help some, others it may make worse......good therapy will certainly help but even with medication and good therapy it is the sufferer themselves who has to do the work, get through the anxiety and keep moving forward. Your OCD may feel as though it is different.....it may differ in theme....but essentially the bottom line is much the same. Link to comment
jballan Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 I agree with this. In my last thread I got some GREAT advice from snowbear. It was a bit blunt, but I appreciated every word. It got my mind thinking about underlying fears, but I wasn't able to take it to the next level due to the issues not being completely conscious. The reality is there isn't a magic pill as said above. That is a harsh reality to face. I understand the counter point though: who wants to put themselves in anxious states, without a guarantee of getting better? This is a difficult dilemma. Reality is that if you continue on OCD path without being a bit vulnerable and willing to take chances, then you might end up in the OCD cycle for longer than you want. Link to comment
snowbear Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Sometimes people still hope for the painless route....the magic pill, seeing a therapist who miraculously will "make" it go away, an alternative treatment or a supplement....... ........It isn't going to happen folks That's the first cold, hard truth that has to be taken on board, digested and accepted. The only person to get you out of this is you, by taking that leap of faith and steadily applying the advice that's out there. Medication may help some, others it may make worse......good therapy will certainly help but even with medication and good therapy it is the sufferer themselves who has to do the work, get through the anxiety and keep moving forward. I think a lot of people expect therapy to painlessly take their OCD away and don't realise it's down to them to make it go away themselves. The therapist is a guide & teacher, not a magician. Once learned the skills have to be applied and practised and nobody else can do that but you. We see the same sort of 'magic pill' mindset with people keen to uncover the cause of OCD. It's as if they believe identifying a specific cause will result in a more specific treatment that will painlessly bring about instant cure. But really that's just the same as wanting somebody else to take the OCD away for you. We have a very effective treatment in CBT. But it isn't work-free, it isn't always pain-free and nobody can apply it to us but ourselves. Link to comment
snowbear Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 In my last thread I got some GREAT advice from snowbear. It was a bit blunt, but I appreciated every word. Sorry, jballan. I can be a bit blunt sometimes. :blushing: But it's never personal and is always well-meant. I'm actually getting better at doing this online communication thing as I age. You should have seen some of the things I posted on here ten years ago before I learned to curb my tongue. Link to comment
jballan Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Sorry, jballan. I can be a bit blunt sometimes. :blushing: But it's never personal and is always well-meant. I'm actually getting better at doing this online communication thing as I age. You should have seen some of the things I posted on here ten years ago before I learned to curb my tongue. Blunt isn't always bad. I really needed to hear it! That's probably the best response I've ever gotten on here. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain things out to me and I loved your metaphors! Link to comment
Em24 Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Blunt is good! It equals a kick up the bum but through an Internet forum lol x Link to comment
CJay Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) Sometimes people still hope for the painless route....the magic pill, seeing a therapist who miraculously will "make" it go away, an alternative treatment or a supplement....... ........It isn't going to happen folks That's the first cold, hard truth that has to be taken on board, digested and accepted. The only person to get you out of this is you, by taking that leap of faith and steadily applying the advice that's out there. Medication may help some, others it may make worse......good therapy will certainly help but even with medication and good therapy it is the sufferer themselves who has to do the work, get through the anxiety and keep moving forward. Something it took me ages to learn but this forum really helped with that (the message slowly filtered through) and it's really thanks to OCD-UK that I'm now in therapy and prepared to do the work. Edited April 27, 2016 by CJay Link to comment
taurean Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) Good to hear that you took note Cjay. Good luck with the therapy. I have had lots of therapy and read lots of books, but this charity and the forum members helped me to condense what I have learned into the best focal points to tackle things. There is no need for complexity - in my view people go wrong to seek that out rather than focus on doing the basics right. Edited April 27, 2016 by taurean Link to comment
PhilM Posted April 27, 2016 Author Share Posted April 27, 2016 Medication review today. Grrrr! Link to comment
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