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Is this OCD?


Guest kelly324

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Guest kelly324

Hello everybody.

My name is Kelly and I am 13 years old.

For a while now I have been wondering whether or not I have OCD. It's not something I feel comfortable in discussing with people and I have only just managed to tell my closest friends. I haven't told my parents because I don't want them to worry or make a fuss about it. Plus, I don't want them to laugh at me or push it aside as if it was nothing.

Since I was about 7 years old I started to wipe crumbs off of the settee where I sat because I was always afraid that if I didn't, something bad would happen. I would also have to wipe them off whilst I count the amount of swipes I do (I could only go up to the number 12). It was something I could deal with but my Dad (Who my mum recently left - thank God) always moaned at me and said that it was unnecessary. Obviously as a 7 year old, I didn't know what OCD was so I just pushed it aside because, as I said, it was something I could deal with.

Later on in my life, I think it was when I turned 10, I started to count my steps home from school and up the stairs. If I didn't do this I would get really frustrated but I just pushed it aside again.

Recently, it has been getting a lot worse. When I first started high school (2 years ago). I haven't been able to sit on the settee without this cushion thing. Basically, I go into my room and make sure all of my clothes are dead straight (no twists in my underwear, my top the same length on either side, etc..) then walk back into the lounge and pick up the cushion, puff it up 5 times and then sit down and put my computer on my knee. I CAN NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE DO THIS UNLESS MY COMPUTER IS SWITCHED ON READY TO BE USED. ALSO, IF SOMEONE SAYS A NUMBER WHILST I AM COUNTING I HAVE TO START RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. Throughout the second year of high school, I started to feel things towards my maths teacher. I sort of got used to this as I only saw him once a week. However, I started to have visions of my Mum dying (I love my Mum so much she has been there for me my whole life. I never want to lose her so this really affected me). Since the third year of high school (NOW) it's been getting a whole lot worse. The "crush" I had on my maths teacher has gotten worse. e.g. I have dreams about me and him in a relationship or having s*x. I can't control this no matter how hard I try and it's distracting my learning as I see him 3 times a week now. It's really stupid but I also have this sick idea that my other maths teacher (who I now see once a week) wants to sleep with me so that also distracts my learning. I can't have the TV volume on anything that doesn't end in a "0" or a "5" and I don't like anyone having volume on unless me, my mum, my stepdad and sister are watching TV together at night time. This has also led me to scratch my self (I know it doesn't sound that bad as I have NEVER drawn blood, but still I thought I should add it in). And I have even had suicidal thoughts.

I have never been this open to anyone before so please no hate I just want some support.

Thank you so much.

Love from Kelly xxx

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Guest BadgerFox

Welcome Kelly, pleased to meet you :)

Technically, the folks on this forum are not allowed to diagnose you with OCD, because we aren't trained in medicine. You must ask a doctor. But your habits (we call them 'compulsions') DO sound very similar to what many of us here experience. It was right of you to ask here, because it's good to catch ANY possible symptoms of mental illnesses early.

Not to scare you, but although your compulsions seem mild, they can get worse. And we really DON'T want that to happen, because severe OCD is a disabling full-time life-ruiner. It's not like it is on tv; it's not a cute habit we can tell friends about to sound 'quirky' ('Hi, I'm Sarah and I have OCD, LOL!'). It's awful!

But the good news is that you don't have to let these OCD type issues get worse. :) You're not 'stuck' this way, ok, Kelly? OCD doesn't force people to behave certain ways like helpless puppets - we can overcome it by resisting the urges. This is how us OCD folks do our therapy to overcome OCD. Resisting can feel scary at first (trust me, we understand how scary!), but it's how you 'train' your brain into healthier, non-OCD habits. Try to stop any of the compulsions you mention that you can manage (like sitting on the couch with the cushion, having the volume knob at 0 or 5, counting, needing to put the computer on your knee in a certain order etc). For example, try deliberately turning the volume knob to '3'. If it makes you feel anxious, practice just sitting with the anxiety until it naturally calms down (and it will eventually, I promise).

Obsessive thoughts about sex with teachers might not be an OCD issue. Even if you can't concentrate, maybe your teacher is just distractingly good-looking. :) Some of us with OCD symptoms easily get obsessive feelings/thoughts about other things in life (e.g. favourite movies, hobbies, people we have crushes on etc), so we have to try a little harder than most folks to control our minds. But I certainly obsessed about doing, uh...naughty...things with male teachers aged 13, and I don't think you're weird or abnormal for it.

If any of these issues gets worse - especially suicidal thoughts and self-harm - please tell an adult that you trust, ok? A teacher, a parent, the school nurse etc. Say that you're having possible obsessive-compulsive mental health issues. It's normal to have a few dark thoughts and worries when you're 13 but it doesn't need to get out-of-hand, and there's no reason you should suffer in silence when OCD is so treatable.

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Guest kelly324

Wow thank you. I didn't expect a kind response like this. I have tried so hard to get these thoughts out of my mind or to have the volume on either 2 or 3 but I can't. It stresses me out so much I can't deal with it. There is one teacher in my school who I trust but I don't know how to tell her (especially the part about the teacher as it would be quite awkward) 

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Guest BadgerFox
1 hour ago, kelly324 said:

I have tried so hard to get these thoughts out of my mind or to have the volume on either 2 or 3 but I can't.

No, but actually you can. I know it feels like that at the moment, but changing the volume is not impossible, just... very, VERY stressful at first. So stressful that you might find it extremely scary for a few hours. But the fear will always naturally calm down. Really. It's a proven scientific 'thing' that your brain just literally can't stay in 'DANGER' mode forever (luckily for us). Everyone here had issues where they felt like they 'can't' touch the toilet doorhandle because of the germs etc, and it stressed them so badly they had huge panic attacks at first...but in the end, when they learned the right special way to do it, they could do it.

HOWEVER, don't stress yourself if you really feel too scared to try alone. If you need some support (a doctor/friend/therapist/self-help book etc) to help you stop these compulsions, it's ok to ask for help. Most of us here needed some help :)

You don't have to tell anyone the exact type of thoughts you're having. I imagine telling teachers about imagining sex with them would be pretty awkward, yes! :D So (if you do choose to tell someone) you can just say to the teacher something like 'I'm having upsetting obsessive worries that I just can't get out of my head, and they're making me feel like I 'have' to do certain things to stop bad things happening. Can I talk to you?'. 

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Guest kelly324
On 5/24/2016 at 19:23, BadgerFox said:

No, but actually you can. I know it feels like that at the moment, but changing the volume is not impossible, just... very, VERY stressful at first. So stressful that you might find it extremely scary for a few hours. But the fear will always naturally calm down. Really. It's a proven scientific 'thing' that your brain just literally can't stay in 'DANGER' mode forever (luckily for us). Everyone here had issues where they felt like they 'can't' touch the toilet doorhandle because of the germs etc, and it stressed them so badly they had huge panic attacks at first...but in the end, when they learned the right special way to do it, they could do it.

HOWEVER, don't stress yourself if you really feel too scared to try alone. If you need some support (a doctor/friend/therapist/self-help book etc) to help you stop these compulsions, it's ok to ask for help. Most of us here needed some help :)

You don't have to tell anyone the exact type of thoughts you're having. I imagine telling teachers about imagining sex with them would be pretty awkward, yes! :a1_cheesygrin: So (if you do choose to tell someone) you can just say to the teacher something like 'I'm having upsetting obsessive worries that I just can't get out of my head, and they're making me feel like I 'have' to do certain things to stop bad things happening. Can I talk to you?'. 

Honestly I can't put it in to words how much I appreciate your help :) I will try and have a word with a teacher about it and maybe they can help me. Thank you so much for your kind help I honestly really appreciate it :) xxxx

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