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Does it get worse before it get better?


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I've just kind of reached a stage where I know there is nothing I can do. I can't be certain this thought isn't true, I can't force myself to not believe it or make it go away....and I'm just so depressed. I'm sitting through the anxiety, I know it eases up after a bit. But this loneliness and sadness is horrible :(

 

This is the sort of accepting I must do, correct? But, I still don't see how it leads to a light at the end of this tunnel.

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Correct. 

But you are not alone ; that's why we're here. 

And it gets better as you ease from giving power to the disorder by connecting with the thought. 

The aim is to render it impotent, so that it doesn't stick around causing distress - and more and more of your mental activity focuses away to beneficial useful and also enjoyable themes. 

Sitting with anxiety is depressing but it should gradually ease if you carry out the therapy correctly. 

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The point is not to just sit there with the anxiety, but do something productive to take your mind off it. Take a walk in nature, for example. 

 

Trust in the process.

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Well when I say I sit with it that just means im not stopping to do compulsions (ruminate, seek reassurance, analyze, etc) For instance, today when I felt the depression coming on I hopped on a game to play. Sometimes I draw etc. But it comes on very hard when my family gets home, and thats when the thought feels the most true. I suppose I find it abit hard to believe that since all the logic in the world hasnt made the thought seem untrue, that the process will achieve that result.

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I sure hope it gets worse before it gets better as my pure o has been increasing in severity and changing tact over the past several months. It has become so unbearable. It now feels (since yesterday) like I'm being drawn to think my intrusive thoughts and that if I actually just stop fighting and let myself think them I'd enjoy them. It's really getting to me. It makes me constantly second guess everything I do, think and say. I've been doing CBT for the last two months but it is just making my intrusive thoughts worse. I wish there was a magic pill I could just take to make these thoughts go away but I know there isn't.

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Taking the "gets worse before it gets better" phrase,  this is how it should map out if a sufferer follows the correct path. 

For me, problems with exposure and response prevention usually seem to revolve around being in a high state of anxiety before ERP - it appears to work best when we go into it calm, experience and sit with the anxiety for at least a few minutes, then refocus away - repeating periodically till the threat response of the thought diminishes. 

A graded hierarchy of exposures is the standard approach, working gradually up through triggers from the least to the highest anxiety provoking. 

Alongside this, not deliberately avoiding things, plus making sure that we fully understand the cognitive part - how the disorder operates, and why responding to triggers by avoidance , emotional reaction and compulsing empower it.

Then we can if in therapy obtain support from the therapist, if not, get it from here.

Edited by taurean
Corrections
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Is there anything that should be done to change the thought feeling true? As in, going from 'scared sad omg this is probably really true!!' to eh, I cant know, but it seems like an awful long shot that it is' thinking.Or, does that just happen over a long period of time?

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It's very subjective to each individual. 

But knowing and understanding the cognitive side - how the disorder peddles lies misinformation and fear - is necessary first. 

Do you really understand the cognitive side sufficiently?  The fact that you are still getting fooled into doubting suggests to me you are not quite ready to "walk the talk",  take the leap of faith and believe this with all your heart. 

For me, this is a pre-requisite to recovery. 

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Thats abit tricky. Its like part of me knows that yes, this is all symptoms of ocd exactly.

The other part, the scared part I guess you could say, is playing into the fear about nothing being real. I feel if I try to describe the type of what ifs that shoot through my head at this ill sound completely crazy,

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Sorry slight technical problem above.

You need to buy into the fact the fear, the what ifs queueing up to taunt you, are the disorder.

You don't seem to be accepting this and until you do I don't see how you can  make the progress you are looking for. 

Do you see what I mean? 

It matters not, re therapy, what the thoughts and underpinning fear are - they are - purely and simply - just the way the disorder expresses itself in your case. 

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19 hours ago, Hosscat said:

Well when I say I sit with it that just means im not stopping to do compulsions (ruminate, seek reassurance, analyze, etc) For instance, today when I felt the depression coming on I hopped on a game to play. Sometimes I draw etc. But it comes on very hard when my family gets home, and thats when the thought feels the most true. I suppose I find it abit hard to believe that since all the logic in the world hasnt made the thought seem untrue, that the process will achieve that result.

What you need to do is stop all efforts to prove it true or not. It doesn't matter. Leave it alone. Trying to prove the thoughts are true or untrue will only further your travels down the OCD rabbit hole. It will do no good. You'll end up ruminating like crazy over true or untrue and that will get you nowhere. Tell yourself it doesn't matter if it's true or not and get on with your day.

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Yes. I know what you mean. Is it ok to have the queued up doubts/general feeling of what if this is true, as long as I treat it like it needs to be treated? What I mean is I cant simply say, its ocd brain. And have it stop throwing the doubts up. But if the rational part of me has faith, is that enough?

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You're still acting like you're trying to find an answer. Having the rational part of you knowing what's true or not will offer little relief, since OCD itself is very irrational. It doesn't listen to rational arguments. Stop trying to find the truth. Give up the search. When the negative thoughts pop up, say to yourself, "Oh well. Whatever." Then turn your attention onto something else.

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Absolutely. My therapist told me to think "Oh that's just my stupid obsession"  and leave it be.

That was good because it laid the origin of the skewed thinking right back exactly where it belongs AND defused its power. 

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The thing is PolarBear it feels true, I feel like im living as if the thoughts were true, that I believe them. I know you told me once to not fear permanent damage, but I dont see how just leaving it alone will fix things over time. I mean, I'll do my best to do it, as everthing thus far (fighting them etc) hasnt worked, but im scared still this is it.

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I understand it feels true. That's part of OCD. If it felt fake you wouldn't have a mental disorder. You'd be able to shrug off the thoughts and get on with your day. Doesn't that sound right?

Intrusive thoughts do feel true and real. That doesn't make them true and real. It just feels that way. Because of that you have to do what has been proven to work for others. That is, leave the thoughts alone. Stop trying to prove or disprove them. Just leave them alone and let them be. The less attention you give the thoughts the less power they'll have over you.

It will take time. Lots of time. Months. But you have nowhere else to go because, as you said, trying to deal with the thoughts hasn't worked for you. And it won't work. Not ever.

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Exactly PB. 

You know now what has been holding you back Hosscat, and what you have to be able to do in order to start to improve. 

I often use this analogy to illustrate that belief we have to have to progress in an upward curve. 

When asked for proof that the Christian faith was true, Saint Augustine said "if you truly believe, only then shall you find what you seek". 

Go then Hosscat - the "father" of mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn, said "you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"  :surfing:

Let's go surfing Hosscat! 

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Whew, this is very hard. I feel like leaving it alone while it feels so true is going to make me an actual solipsist :/

I have very dead end thinking, in that if I believe it that means it's it, I'll never not feel like I don't believe it again. Very hard to be with family like this, interaction feels so forced.

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You just need to calm down. 

You must ACCEPT that the intrusion of the thought and the fear it might be true are the falsehoods that typify OCD and are really simply mental rubbish, chaff - a consequence of the disorder. 

Accept this, believe this, and you can build up resilience and the power of the disorder will begin to fade. 

But only then - the change in cognition and behaviour can only come from you. 

 

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Yes, I know this would make me better, it would mean the thought wasn't true. When I try to think this way I get thoughts like 'what if you made this up to make you feel better?'

 

....I know how it sounds. How selfish it is to be thinking someone made the world with their mind. And I worry this type of odd fear is different from what many people on here experience and recover from.

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Thinking our form of intrusions is specifically worse /different etc is more OCD - planted thinking. 

As too all the doubts. 

Now come on my friend ; expect to get these mental links and uncertainties thrown at you; see them for what they are - the disorder at play - and let them be. They can only damage you if you pay them attention. 

You can do this. 

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So, it's alright I still have these doubts thrown at me? As long as I treat them the way I need to(letting them be and refocusing)? Just because the doubt is still there doesn't mean I can't get better?

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Doubt is a big part of OCD. We all live with it/had to live with it. It's the essence of what makes OCD the nasty disorder it is. Sure you're going to have doubt. It will continue for some time. But you can move past it and live your life to its fullest, despite having doubt. Over time I think it fades as you ignore it more and more.

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