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I'm a horrible mother


Guest lily014

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Guest lily014

I'm a single mum to my son who is now 11 weeks old, and I have a history of severe OCD (harm OCD and intrusive thoughts mainly). When my son was about a month old he was very colicky and screamed most nights, on two occasions I got frustrated with him and slightly raised my voice and begged him to sleep and stop crying. I know it's normal to get frustrated like this from time to time, but what bothers me is the way I picked him up. I picked him up impatiently and not as gently and lovingly as I should have, and now I feel like I've abused him and am an awful mother. I feel like the only mother in the world who has picked their baby up impatiently. I don't know if I'm blowing it out of proportion or not? 

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Hi, u are not a horrible mother! Any mother that says she's never been frustrated before is lying! Ur guilt is disproportionate to what u did! I'm a mum to two boys who I love with all my heart but I've gone through times when I was ready to pull my hair out! All my mummy friends say the same. Treat it like u would ur OCD, it's the condition not ur actions that at the problem. Xx

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Hi Lily,

Being a mum is tough! I have 2 kids myself, my son who is 6 years and my daughter who is 7 months.

I agree with wonderer you are blowing it out of proportion.

Why are you posting this on an OCD forum and not a mum and baby forum? Most likely because you know OCD is at play here. Treat it like OCD and move on :) 

X

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Hi Lily. What you have described is a type of OCD I call Real Event OCD. With this theme, a situation occurs and the sufferer blows the importance of that situation all out of proportion. They get intrusive thoughts that they are a bad person. In response, the person does compulsions like with any other theme, very often asking for reassurance that they are not a bad person.

I bet you've asked other people or wanted to, to see what other people think. Perfectly normal with this type of OCD.

Let it go. It's in the past so leave it there. Do your best not to ruminate over it (that means going over it in your mind again and again.) When you get intrusive thoughts telling you that you're a bad person for what happened, ignore them and get busy doing something else.

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