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I feel constantly on edge and looking for thoughts... Not sure how to deal with this?

It feels like I need to find out what is bothering me and then I attribute it to 'it must be to do with my OCD' .. I am resisting compulsions but I am feeling guilty and I'm not sure why.

Even when good things are going on i seem intent on sabotaging it. Why, when all I am trying to be is happy ?

As an example, myself and my partner had a 4D baby scan yesterday which should have been completely joyous and positive but instead I get the usual thoughts ... "What if u have cheated on ur partner and the baby is not his", resulting in feeling guilty, sad and taking the edge of the happiness followed by being sad for my partner. It is doing my head in. Partner knows my OCD thoughts and is very good. He doesn't offer reassurance but is very supportive but I feel like I am a fake who is messing mine and everyone else's life up.

Why these thoughts??? Why do I have a deep urge to search my memory for evidence to support my thought and a compulsion to confess my thoughts all the time followed by a fear of being judged... What do I struggle to accept it is OCD and instead try to prove myself right.

Almost 29 weeks pregnant and panicking.

Thanks in advance. Pls someone reply as anxiety high and it's not good for bubba... I am trying to relax and distract myself at the moment x

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You ask why, why, why when the answer is very simple. Because you have OCD. You don't need more answers than that.

Everything you talk about is perfectly normal in an OCD world.

Take care of yourself. Try to relax but keep busy too. Watch for compulsions and resist them.

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"Why do I have a deep urge to search my memory for evidence to support my thought and a compulsion to confess my thoughts all the time followed by a fear of being judged?"

Rumination is a choice. Knowing that helped me with similar OCD in the past. Your searching for evidence is a rumination which is a mental compulsion just like the confessing. The more you do it, the more you wire your brain to do it. Any evidence you find that supports you didn't do it will only bring temporary relief, but the urge to look for more evidence next time will be stronger. So, try your best not to ruminate. If you catch yourself doing it, call it a rumination.

All the best.

 

 

 

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Thank you PolarBear and Stuckallthetime for your replies, makes perfect sense.

I guess OCD isn't called the doubting disease for nothing. I even doubt I have it sometimes!

I shall try harder.

Would be nice if our brains had an off switch for a while wouldn't it.

 

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