Was doing well..... Bumped in to ex.

[Running Lover]

Ashley I've pm'd you exactly. Thank you 

[Running Lover]

Has anyone heard of hypersensitivity? My therapist used this word when I described how sometimes if I try not to do something it feels like I do it. For eg if I felt I didn't want to pick up cutlery with a lot of pressure as the more I use the more likely I am to contaminate the fork or such like, so the more I would try not to do so it feels like I'm putting excess pressure on. It's like the more I try not to do something it becomes impossible. What I'm referencing is my current worry about the ex smile/laugh. I wonder if that's the same. I have a thought " must not let him think I care etc etc " I try my hardest not to smile, which results in pretty much impossible task thus my fear actually happens. It's as if i think about it too much it becomes uncontrollable. 

[PolarBear]

Whether that's true or not is irrelevant. What happened was minor to others. It's only a big deal to you because you keep doing compulsions around it.

[PolarBear]

Liberty, if your best friend smiled at her ex, would you question her to nth degree like you're doing to yourself or would you dismiss it as minor and not worth thinking about?

[Running Lover]

Okay so here's were I am. I realise a portion of this has ocd attached for the following reasons. I've played it over thousands of times since it happened. I've stared in the mirror to gage my smile/laugh reply etc. Don't shout! I realise this is wrong. I've tried ignoring (letting it be there) not very successfully. I'm not asking for anything other than advice on how to try and get through this?? The worse prob is I have already been having worrying thoughts over past year or so what if I wanted to get back together etc etc would I if in the situation..... It really upsets me as I love my partner immensely he's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I worry constantly about loosing him. 

[PolarBear]

You have to identify the compulsions you are doing and work hard to stop them. Looking in the mirror was a compulsion. Ruminating is a compulsion. That's going over what happened a thousand times in your head. It didn't do you any good, did it?

[Running Lover]

No definitely not

[Running Lover]

Feeling pretty awful. I'm out of the country with work for a few days and I'm finding it extremely holding it all together. I've worried in the past what if I still have feelings for ex, what if he pleaded me to take him back etc etc would I do it? It's worth noting I have always had a fear of cheating in previous relationships too. So it all gets a bit cloudy. I love my partner so much and just want to be happy. But I feel after bumping in to him in our village and trying not to make eye contact/smile it's all going wrong. I feel like I've cheated. I've told my partner what happened and he didn't care but I'm worried because of these fears I have over cheating and getting back together what it all means. 

[PolarBear]

What are you going to do about it, Liberty?

You keep coming back here, writing diwn ruminations. You're offered advice but you just come back and repeat the same story.

This isn't working for you. You must do something different.

[Running Lover]

I'm currently Sunning myself in the med whilst reading some of my old posts and I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous some of them are. I have worried about the most stupid things which have made my life a misery and looking through non OCD goggles I can see clearly. I'm writing this because I hope it will help fellow users through current situation For example this one scared me because it picked something so precious to me and tried to destroy it and worked on fear not fact to do so it's laughable. my OCD took control of me and made me think crazy things with no substance what so ever. If only I had seen at the time it was OCD playing nasty horrible tricks on me. The worse the Anxiety got the more I couldn't work out reality and who I was. This is just one example of how it distorts reality by playing on irrational fear. It's easy to see from a distance. It takes the enjoyment from your life and makes you feel worthless. 

[Hellofriend]

4 hours ago, Running Lover said:

I'm currently Sunning myself in the med whilst reading some of my old posts and I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous some of them are. I have worried about the most stupid things which have made my life a misery and looking through non OCD goggles I can see clearly. I'm writing this because I hope it will help fellow users through current situation For example this one scared me because it picked something so precious to me and tried to destroy it and worked on fear not fact to do so it's laughable. my OCD took control of me and made me think crazy things with no substance what so ever. If only I had seen at the time it was OCD playing nasty horrible tricks on me. The worse the Anxiety got the more I couldn't work out reality and who I was. This is just one example of how it distorts reality by playing on irrational fear. It's easy to see from a distance. It takes the enjoyment from your life and makes you feel worthless. 

Did you go through treatment?