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How am I supposed to ever date anyone being like this?


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I just don't know how I'll ever be able to date anyone due to depression/OCD issues. I tried online dating but I deleted all the apps I had on my phone since I just don't feel like I'm well enough to date as well as it being a bit depressing trying online dating. Anyone have any tips they can give me on how they date dealing with these issues?

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Dating is dangerous for people in OCD recovery as it causes mood changes, as you noticed. Its still possible however, we dont have to be alone. As a matter of fact there are online OCD dating sites. Its easier for me to find someone the old fashioned way, go for a walk with a cute puppy. There was a guy on tv whose OCD was cured whenever his pet was with him. It was on Americas Got Talent. 

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I feel as though Handy is a troll. Don't listen to him. 

I agree with PolarBear. I think it's best if you deal with your OCD first before doing anything else. Right now you just feel that way because OCD is interfering with your life. Once know how to deal with it you can get the symptoms under control and you will also be able to enjoy life more. 

Edited by onepunch
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I think telling the OP he shouldn't date until he's recovered from OCD isn't helpful at all. It's perfectly normal and natural to want to look for a partner, and encouraging someone to not do this is surely avoidance behaviour which as sufferers we shouldn't engage in, rather we should do our best to live our lives as normally as possible. It will also further stigmatise the sufferer into thinking they're defective or something if they can't date because they have this illness. Some people have this condition in varying degrees for life, and to expect them to not date in that time is unrealistic and ridiculous.

NJ321, I understand how you feel. I never thought I'd be able to meet anybody because of my issues, but I met my current partner 7 years ago and I told him all about my problems (which were mainly anxiety and depression then) at the beginning of the relationship and he was understanding and supportive and we've been together ever since.

I would advise you to try your best to not get hung up on the idea that having a mental illness means you can't date people, as this is plainly untrue. Yes it makes it harder but like anything if you want it you've got to at least try. I think the idea of an "OCD-free twin" is useful for things like this. Basically, imagine that you didn't have OCD or other MH problems, how would you act then? Well, you would probably chat to people online and maybe meet up with/date some of them and get to know them. That would be a good starting point.

Remember, we all come as a package. Yes my OCD problems are a difficulty that comes with me, but I have a lot to offer a partner in spite of that, such as I'm kind, caring, and loyal, and I'm sure you have a lot to offer someone too. :)

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On ‎13‎/‎07‎/‎2016 at 22:12, Handy said:

Dating is dangerous for people in OCD recovery as it causes mood changes, as you noticed. Its still possible however, we dont have to be alone. As a matter of fact there are online OCD dating sites. Its easier for me to find someone the old fashioned way, go for a walk with a cute puppy. There was a guy on tv whose OCD was cured whenever his pet was with him. It was on Americas Got Talent. 

One of my team have made your last post invisible where you claimed to not be breaching rules, but lets be clear about this your posts are constantly spouting unhelpful rubbish and I have no choice but to act.

People with OCD dating is perfectly fine, love makes the world go round and all that.   Most of the dating sites for people with OCD I have seen do not exist, they are franchised dating sites with an OCD homepage, the database is a generic dating site. 

Now you are suggesting going for a walk with a cute puppy will solve dating and OCD issues.

So consider this notice, in my book constant spouting of utter tripe is breaching forum rules, and at some point I will say enough is enough, and that may actually be today!

 

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NJ321, try first to just simply meet people to break out of being isolated and to get you focusing outwardly. Join meetup.com to meet people who want to socialise (some of the meet ups listed could be going to the cinema or a cafe or mountain walking). You might meet someone through that just by chance that you may decide to date. Meetup isn't about dating, just socialising. I met my partner through Meetup, we've been going out 3yrs and he knows all about my OCD. Just don't be thinking about finding a partner as the be all and end all. You will meet someone by chance in the end. You need to build your confidence up and that is by changing your behaviour from focusing inwardly to focusing outwardly onto fun and engaging activities. Disregard Handy's 'advice'.

 

On a side note- Handy, I wonder how many people you have trolled into worsening symptoms by now. 

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2 hours ago, Orwell1984 said:

NJ321, try first to just simply meet people to break out of being isolated and to get you focusing outwardly. Join meetup.com to meet people who want to socialise (some of the meet ups listed could be going to the cinema or a cafe or mountain walking). You might meet someone through that just by chance that you may decide to date. Meetup isn't about dating, just socialising. I met my partner through Meetup, we've been going out 3yrs and he knows all about my OCD. Just don't be thinking about finding a partner as the be all and end all. You will meet someone by chance in the end. You need to build your confidence up and that is by changing your behaviour from focusing inwardly to focusing outwardly onto fun and engaging activities.

Great advice Orwell :)

Often it's when you're not looking for love is when you actually find it. I met my current partner of 8 years on a hiking trip with my university's hiking club, which I'd joined just to get out and about and make new friends. We ended up getting stuck together on this walk just by chance, and we started going out soon after that, and he moved in with me after a month or so of dating haha. That does seem very quick but we knew we were right for each other from day one really!

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5 hours ago, Orwell1984 said:

NJ321, try first to just simply meet people to break out of being isolated and to get you focusing outwardly. Join meetup.com to meet people who want to socialise (some of the meet ups listed could be going to the cinema or a cafe or mountain walking). You might meet someone through that just by chance that you may decide to date. Meetup isn't about dating, just socialising. I met my partner through Meetup, we've been going out 3yrs and he knows all about my OCD. Just don't be thinking about finding a partner as the be all and end all. You will meet someone by chance in the end. You need to build your confidence up and that is by changing your behaviour from focusing inwardly to focusing outwardly onto fun and engaging activities. Disregard Handy's 'advice'.

 

On a side note- Handy, I wonder how many people you have trolled into worsening symptoms by now. 

Thanks. I think I messed up a few chances while at work where I think a few customers were interested in me when I was helping them. With the one woman for instance I could tell from the corner of my eye she was just staring at my face for probably over 5 seconds straight. Also after I made a comment about something she started giggling. As the interaction was about over she seemed to have a really serious look on her face like she was upset or disappointed I didn't ask her out. I could be completely wrong on this but I'll never know at this point if she was interested or not. I just always assume since I'm at work that women wouldn't want me to ask them out even I think they're showing signs they find me attractive at the least. 

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On July 15, 2016 at 11:44, Ashley said:

One of my team have made your last post invisible where you claimed to not be breaching rules, but lets be clear about this your posts are constantly spouting unhelpful rubbish and I have no choice but to act.

People with OCD dating is perfectly fine, love makes the world go round and all that.   Most of the dating sites for people with OCD I have seen do not exist, they are franchised dating sites with an OCD homepage, the database is a generic dating site. 

Now you are suggesting going for a walk with a cute puppy will solve dating and OCD issues.

So consider this notice, in my book constant spouting of utter tripe is breaching forum rules, and at some point I will say enough is enough, and that may actually be today!

 

I believed  you were biased against me, so I have just been reposting the rules from the TOS and copying previous posts from other users, which you are now calling 'rubbish," with the exception of my posts about massage and Psychiatric Service Animals for OCD, which are useful in OCD treatment, above. I don't know what happened to you but in the early days of the forum, when your OCD was stronger, your posts were fun to read and lots of emoticons made them more interesting.

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1 hour ago, Handy said:

I don't know what happened to you but in the early days of the forum, when your OCD was stronger, your posts were fun to read and lots of emoticons made them more interesting.

Case in point, you are now trying to suggest I was more fun and interesting when my OCD was stronger.   Do you not see why people think you are a troll?   I don't believe you are, I think you are just misguided and badly informed about OCD, which is perhaps worse in some respects.   So prove them and me wrong, become a really good, helpful and interesting contributor to our community.  The ball's in your court.

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16 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Not when taken into context with months and months of NJs posts.

Not sure I agree. 

Obviously getting obsessive over dating is not helpful, but if someone with OCD was to meet and fall for someone then good for them, and there is no reason you can't date and fight OCD concurrently.   Now admittedly I have not achieved it, but that's more to do with that fact that I am unlovable :a1_cheesygrin:  

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On ‎13‎/‎07‎/‎2016 at 01:31, NJ321 said:

I just don't know how I'll ever be able to date anyone due to depression/OCD issues. I tried online dating but I deleted all the apps I had on my phone since I just don't feel like I'm well enough to date as well as it being a bit depressing trying online dating. Anyone have any tips they can give me on how they date dealing with these issues?

If you think like that then I don't think anyone else will want to date you.   So my advice is try and let you, your personality sell you. Everybody's got issues of some kind, try and let your perspective partner meet you and get to know you, not your mental health problems.

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6 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Not sure I agree. 

Obviously getting obsessive over dating is not helpful, but if someone with OCD was to meet and fall for someone then good for them, and there is no reason you can't date and fight OCD concurrently.   Now admittedly I have not achieved it, but that's more to do with that fact that I am unlovable :a1_cheesygrin:  

I agree completely Ashley. Dating is a normal part of the human experience. We wouldn't tell someone not to shower or shave, or go out, or go to work until their OCD was better. We would advise them on how to keep doing those things while they work on their OCD at the same time. Dating and meeting people fits into that same category IMO.

And don't be silly I'm sure you're not unlovable at all! :tongue:

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1 hour ago, Ashley said:

Not sure I agree. 

Obviously getting obsessive over dating is not helpful, but if someone with OCD was to meet and fall for someone then good for them, and there is no reason you can't date and fight OCD concurrently.   Now admittedly I have not achieved it, but that's more to do with that fact that I am unlovable 

Edited by PolarBear
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My point is that NJs original post talked about how hard he finds dating when he has OCD. Now NJ has been on the forum for a long time, raising issues he has with his OCD, but he doesn't talk about mapping out a plan for recovery. He's stuck. Hence why I suggested that the solution, or at least part of it, to his dating problem is in fact to start tackling his OCD.

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If it helps anyone, I got married 4 months ago. My OCD is hard for my wife, but we've been together 7 years and during that whole time I had OCD but I didn't know about it until last year. And we're still together. So there is hope.

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On 13/07/2016 at 01:31, NJ321 said:

I tried online dating but I deleted all the apps I had on my phone since I just don't feel like I'm well enough to date as well as it being a bit depressing trying online dating.

I don't think anyone's suggesting not dating or that we shouldn't date if we have OCD or until we're better....but as NJ himself has mentioned, it is difficult to be yourself when you're feeling very depressed and anxious and in turn, that may come across to the other person who doesn't perhaps see us at our sparkling best either.  I think that's one of the downsides of Internet dating.....yes, it gives you instant access to a group of people you might not otherwise meet but it does put pressure on one to "impress" on first meeting and if you're not feeling brilliant, this may well come across.  With "ordinary" dating where you meet someone at work, at the gym, at the local pub, you generally start to like the person before you ask them out.  You've observed them, you've talked to them, you find them attractive, they make you laugh, they're very caring (etc etc).....they've probably had similar rapport with you so you're several steps along before you even decide to date.

I think that all PB was meaning was that as NJ himself had described.....if you're feeling so wretched, maybe it would help to work hard on the OCD issues so that you would be feeling better, more confident and more likely to enjoy the internet dating process.

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Don't be put off by one experience, I used to think like you. I'd think who would love someone like me and didn't think I'd ever meet anyone.

I wasn't looking for a relationship and that is when I met my partner online, we got to know each other really well before we got into a relationship. I was open with him about my OCD and he even took the time to research it and find out more about it which I thought was nice.

If you're open with whoever you meet and they don't respond well to it or don't want to put the effort in to researching/finding out more about it then you will know that they are not right for you. Don't beat yourself up about anything though you will find someone, you just have to give it time and if you really think you can't do right now maybe just focus on recovering from your OCD first :) x

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