Guilt ocd

[Ironborn]

In te last couple of years a lot of different Ocd themes have come by. But all of them have been related to guilty subjects. And now a new one has raised which I cannot seem to shake off. Almost 3 years ago my stepmother past away due to cancer. She had been fighting the disease for about 2 years before passing away.

Now somehow I started getting thoughts that maybe I sort of took advantage of that situation by taking days of work because of her sickness. I would tell my boss I wanted to be with my family to support them while in reality I have only been there to support them for a small amount of time that I got free from work. I mostly just was playing games at home. And now I feel so incredibly guilty for doing that while my stepmother was ill.

I feel like as if I abused her sickness for my own good.

Also during her illness I sort of felt good talking about her sickness at work and towards friends. I guess I liked the attention??

That's something that also is bothering me a lot.

I really don't know what to do. And I feel as if like I should confess towards my wife, my father, my brother, my stepbrothers and others.

Am I worth living while using others passing away for my own good?

Edited July 18, 2016 by Ironborn

[PolarBear]

What you should do is leave it alone and not dwell on it. Your disorder is making a mountain out of a molehill and you're playing along by doing compulsions. No doubt ruminating tops the list.

Leave it alone. It's minor and it's in the past. Confessing would be a compulsion so don't go down that road.

[Ashley]

9 hours ago, Ironborn said:

Am I worth living while using others passing away for my own good?

Ok, let me ask you this.  If someone suggested a friend or a loved one was not worthy of living, how would you respond?

What advantage do you think confessing would bring to you or them?    It's important you take time to understand what OCD is and how it works and how confessing (a form of reassurance) is part of the OCD cycle.  So the problem is not that you did abuse the situation (theory A) is it not that you 'feel' you 'might' have abused the situation?   If you understand that, it brings me back to the previous question what benefit is there from confessing?

Ashley.

 

[paradoxer]

OCD is invariably about guilt or loss or fear or harm. I won't offer reassurance, but I will say, setting yourself up to be a good person (as opposed to yes, a bad person) will only get you into trouble.