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Health, hearing and scary brain fog


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So I had a bad period about four years ago when I had obsessive breathing thoughts and then harm ones. I managed to overcome those thoughts, but not the anxiety and thoughts have come back. After some problems with my ears, a nurse who made it worse, and the fear that I wouldn't get my hearing back to normal again and would always strain to hear people, I developed this thought of "what if I wouldn't be able to understand people any more." I guess it was triggered by straining to hear people and then continuing to do that when I was better again. I had one day off this when I had the harm thoughts back again (when I wanted the not being able to understand people back again as it seemed less severe).

Now - as in withing the past hour - I have developed what I am hoping is temporary brain fog, but which I am terrified is a real problem with my brain. Basically, I'm struggling to get stuff done at work and now my brain feels like it won't work. I guess it is all consumed by anxiety as I spend too much time looking for a way out. My brain now just feels like it is frozen and won't work. Straining to hear people is too much work, which makes the fear of not understanding people worse.

Of course, I'm panicking about this being a medical issue, but the eerie thing is that my body doesn't have any anxiety symptoms, which is further reinforcing this view. My heartbeat is normal, no sweaty palms, or anything else.

I'm just sitting here at work in a daze, writing messages on my phone, checking my emails, and posting on this forum. I don't even want to have conversations with anyone or for anyone to talk to me.

I've felt like this (with the intrusive thoughts) for a week, which I realise people might not think is a lot but it's affecting so many of my waking moments. I've been looking for a new job for ages and now one has come along and I got an offer today but I can't start it when I'm like this. I'm supposed to be going away for a long weekend next weekend but I don't see how I can possibly do that.

I'm scared :( I thought the not understanding people anxiety is bad but this feels worse.

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