OCD and creativity affected

[Cub]

Hello everyone

I can't believe I'm even bringing to the forum but I've been in considerable distress today at work and while it was manageable, I felt very upset and frustrated. I'm not sure where to start:

I love to write and am working on one or two story ideas. However, I have a kind of panic over them. I'm on antidepressants right now and I feel that they've made me numb and unable to focus. And for a long time, I've been panicking and obsessing over one story in particular; how I can join the pieces together, how this bit counters out this bit and just hacking away at it. I feel so frustrated and keep getting a tight chest and keep beating myself up over it and the details over it. I'm also worrying a lot about my writing in general and that I'm not any good. I feel my words are locked inside me and when I try to lose myself to a creative idea, I get incredibly upset and down and feel I can't do certain things writing-wise anymore; I can't write two characters this way, I can't let them do that and I often end up losing faith and withdrawing. I can't stop thinking about this story idea that's worrying me; I can't let it go and it's genuinely making me worry for my health because I just have such a tight chest during these moments, considering what i can and can't write. I want to have some happy distraction, but it all feels like such a mess. 

I've spoken to a friend and she told me it's okay to write rubbish. I get that, but I just have an idea of how I want this story to go and I just feel really unhappy and unengaged. I can't leave it to the side without thinking about it, but the more I work on it, the more frustrated I get. I also keep starting new story ideas, in a desperate attempt to help myself feel better, but it feels as though the ideas are scraping along the inside of my head and don't feel genuine. Yet, I feel guilty and upset if I don't write every day. 

Any advice for this one? I feel upset that something that means so much to me is no longer being enjoyed and is more of a desperate obsession, just to prove a point to myself. 

C x

[PolarBear]

Ah sounds like you have everyday frustration for writers. I go through it too, when everything just seems like junk and I just can't get the words out.

The best,and I do mean the best, book written to help creative along their journey is The Artists Way. Brilliantly insightful. It will change the way you create.

[Cub]

Haha, Polar Bear, perhaps I do! I wanted to write that down, wondered if it was an OCD thing or just a creativity thing. It's awful, isn't it? Thankyou for taking the time to reply even though it's not strictly OCD-related. I'm doing some writing related projects with friends, so that's keeping me occupied, which I think we can agree is definitely a good thing.

I will check out that book; thanks very much for that recommendation.

C x