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The Next Logical Obsesssion: STDs and Pregnancy


Guest SurfRider

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Guest SurfRider

Hi everyone.  Some of you may recall me talking about fears about sex that I've had.  I've been doing some therapy and other work, and I think I may actually be ready to do the deed for the first time quite soon.  But of course, as with any good person who has contamination OCD, STDs and pregnancy jump to the forefront as obsessions and worries.  

I've done the research and I know the basic answers, but that doesn't stop the fears much.  Condoms protect against HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and are 85-99% effective at stopping pregnancy, but they don't protect against genital herpes, syphilis, and HPV.  

So yeah, now I'm getting worried about it to the point where I'm going to have trouble enjoying a sexual experience when it actually happens.  

I can already predict what the compulsions are going to be because I know my contamination compulsions fairly well.   In terms of choice of partner, I might shy away from a more experienced woman for worry that she's more likely to have an STD, and try to find a less experienced woman.  In a situation of a real sexual opportunity, I'd find a subtle way to check her genitals for sores or other STD signs.  I'd worry that the outside of the condom was contaminated with sperm, so I'd have some kind of ritual for putting it on, and I might have to take it off and put on a new one, then take that off an put on a new one just to "make sure."  And of course, there's still the worry that I'll have so much OCD and inhibition that I won't be able to become sufficiently aroused to actually sex, or maybe that I will be aroused enough, but I'll chicken out an run away and won't be able to go through with it.  

After sex, even if we used a condom, I'd be tempted to take a shower and wash myself off, then put alcohol in any tiny cuts I had.  I'd spend the next couple months frequently checking my body for signs of STDs.  I'd also worry that she somehow got pregnant, and I'd be tempted to message her and subtly ask her if she was pregnant, or look at her facebook pictures to make sure she wasn't getting a bigger belly.  I'd also probably have some feelings of, "Did I do the right thing?  Should I have waited for marriage and tried to find a fellow virgin?  Now I've done something I can't undo and I'm dirty and I'll never get back to where I was before."  I'd worry that I did get her pregnant, and the she would have the baby and never tell me about it and give it up for adoption, and that somewhere out there I'd have a son or daughter that I never knew about.    

I understand that about 20% of Americans have genital herpes, and that most people who are sexually active have a few strains of HPV, though most HPV strains are innocuous.  Genital herpes is particularly scary for me because it's incurable, and even though most people who have it have no symptoms or have only minimal symptoms, if I did get it I feel like I'd be morally obligated to tell any future sexual partners that I had it, and I would feel guilty about giving it to someone else.  

As you can see, OCD is set up to completely ruin what should be a magical experience for me.  Or at least a fun and educational experience.  

What should I do?  Can anyone offer me advice?

Edited by SurfRider
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Guest SurfRider
1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

I should also point out that all the research you did was one big compulsion. It just made things worse for you.

Maybe...I don't know.  I feel like I want to be educated about STDs, but I also realize that most people would just put on a condom and get their groove on without taking the the time to do the research about STDs and pregnancy.  They probably figure that as long as they use a condom, they'll be fine.  That's not actually true, but hey, they're getting a lot more sex than I am.  I guess in a way, doing the research does make it worse for me, because before I started doing the research I figured that I'd be fine if I just wore a condom, but now I am indeed more worried.  

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Hence it did you no good. There's a line between educating yourself and needlessly worrying. Now that you have all the facts though, it is going Tobe tougher for you to not perform compulsions in the future. 

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Guest SurfRider
4 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Hence it did you no good. There's a line between educating yourself and needlessly worrying. Now that you have all the facts though, it is going Tobe tougher for you to not perform compulsions in the future. 

I guess OCD does present odd situations where it's actually better to be ignorant about things, especially when dealing with contamination fears.  For example, I'm sure that taking a microbiology class would only make my contamination fears worse.  And I suppose that reading more about STDs will only make my inhibitions worse. I'll be much better off spending time ramping up my mojo than reading about STDs.  

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