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One of my obsessions actually happened (I hit my dog!)


Guest sybdemp

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Guest sybdemp

One of my obsessions actually happened :( I have always had intrusive thoughts about hurting one of my dogs.  So today I came home from a walk with my one dog and was about to take out the two smaller ones.  I was reaching over to pet them, and then I hit one of them really hard on the head :( I was so horrified I ran upstairs without even taking off my other dog's leash yet.  I feel horrible and my dog is afraid of me.  He cowers down when I reach down to pet him.  He displays many submissive behaviors such as licking his nose and averting eye contact.  I'm so scared right now that I've not only ruined my bond with him forever, but that other obsessions will happen as well... Most common ones include: cutting myself, cutting off a finger, putting my hands in a blender, putting my hands in boiling water, harming a family member, yelling at a family member or calling them hurtful things, sleepwalking into the street and getting hit by a car, getting contaminated with a deadly disease, and many other things.  I feel so guilty I can't stand it.  And I'm also very scared, I don't know what I'd do if my other obsessions start happening.  Please someone help me :( I'm going to contact suicide hotline after I post this, I can't even live with myself anymore after hurting my dog and the fear of other intrusive thoughts coming true.

Edited by sybdemp
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41 minutes ago, sybdemp said:

One of my obsessions actually happened :( I have always had intrusive thoughts about hurting one of my dogs.  So today I came home from a walk with my one dog and was about to take out the two smaller ones.  I was reaching over to pet them, and then I hit one of them really hard on the head :( I was so horrified I ran upstairs without even taking off my other dog's leash yet.  I feel horrible and my dog is afraid of me.  He cowers down when I reach down to pet him.  He displays many submissive behaviors such as licking his nose and averting eye contact.  I'm so scared right now that I've not only ruined my bond with him forever, but that other obsessions will happen as well... Most common ones include: cutting myself, cutting off a finger, putting my hands in a blender, putting my hands in boiling water, harming a family member, yelling at a family member or calling them hurtful things, sleepwalking into the street and getting hit by a car, getting contaminated with a deadly disease, and many other things.  I feel so guilty I can't stand it.  And I'm also very scared, I don't know what I'd do if my other obsessions start happening.  Please someone help me :( I'm going to contact suicide hotline after I post this, I can't even live with myself anymore after hurting my dog and the fear of other intrusive thoughts coming true.

Was it on accident or did you do it on purpose? If you did it on purpose, i'm just curious what made you do it? 

Edited by onepunch
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51 minutes ago, sybdemp said:

One of my obsessions actually happened :( I have always had intrusive thoughts about hurting one of my dogs.  So today I came home from a walk with my one dog and was about to take out the two smaller ones.  I was reaching over to pet them, and then I hit one of them really hard on the head :( I was so horrified I ran upstairs without even taking off my other dog's leash yet.  I feel horrible and my dog is afraid of me.  He cowers down when I reach down to pet him.  He displays many submissive behaviors such as licking his nose and averting eye contact.  

Hi,

Probably a stupid comment on my part, but try not to worry.  Ok, first question are you receiving therapy for your OCD at the moment?  

Look, accidents happen, and I accidently did something similar one of the dogs here the other day when she moved forward as I moved in with my hand and doggy biscuit and she got bit of a whack on the snozzel.  Sure, maybe your dog will be wary for a day or two, but unless you make this a regular occurrence I don't think the dog (like any human) would perceive you to be a threat based off one accident.

Out of interest what compulsions have you engaged in with your various obsessive fears?   

 

57 minutes ago, sybdemp said:

I'm so scared right now that I've not only ruined my bond with him forever, but that other obsessions will happen as well

This is the irony with OCD that no matter what efforts we go to with our compulsions to prevent bad things happening, the fact is we can not totally prevent those things and on occasions those fears will happen.  The person afraid of HIV will walk past and step on a needle.  The person with a fear of sexually hurting children will brush past a child.  The person afraid of toilets... i.e. me at one time will have the 'feeling' they need to go when miles from home.   

At the time those scenarios are horrible and scary, much like you are feeling now but with the right support and time those feelings pass and in time we can learn to use those as opportunities to confront our OCD to see that nothing bad happens.

Try and see this for what it was, an accident that will pass and something that OCD is making out to be more than that.

 

 

12 minutes ago, onepunch said:

Was it on accident or did you do it on purpose?

I am not sure how helpful this question is based off the original post and the fact we are talking about OCD!  The original poster will be already convincing themselves this was deliberate (when reality is very different).

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5 minutes ago, Ashley said:

 

Hi,

Probably a stupid comment on my part, but try not to worry.  Ok, first question are you receiving therapy for your OCD at the moment?  

Look, accidents happen, and I accidently did something similar one of the dogs here the other day when she moved forward as I moved in with my hand and doggy biscuit and she got bit of a whack on the snozzel.  Sure, maybe your dog will be wary for a day or two, but unless you make this a regular occurrence I don't think the dog (like any human) would perceive you to be a threat based off one accident.

Out of interest what compulsions have you engaged in with your various obsessive fears?   

 

This is the irony with OCD that no matter what efforts we go to with our compulsions to prevent bad things happening, the fact is we can not totally prevent those things and on occasions those fears will happen.  The person afraid of HIV will walk past and step on a needle.  The person with a fear of sexually hurting children will brush past a child.  The person afraid of toilets... i.e. me at one time will have the 'feeling' they need to go when miles from home.   

At the time those scenarios are horrible and scary, much like you are feeling now but with the right support and time those feelings pass and in time we can learn to use those as opportunities to confront our OCD to see that nothing bad happens.

Try and see this for what it was, an accident that will pass and something that OCD is making out to be more than that.

 

 

I am not sure how helpful this question is based off the original post and the fact we are talking about OCD!  The original poster will be already convincing themselves this was deliberate (when reality is very different).

I ask because the OP didn't make it clear whether it was on purpose or by accident. I was just looking for clarification so I would know how to word my feedback based on whether it was on accident or on purpose.  I was just a little confused but now that I reread it, I agree, it wasn't really that helpful to ask that now that I suspect it was by accident. My fault for not reading it carefully. 

 

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I think the fact that you had this as an obsession and that it actually happened is just a co-incidence, as Ashley says sometimes we can't prevent what we fear from happening to us, but I think what is happening now is that you made a mistake and your OCD has reacted to that, which is what you CAN control.

Look, you said yourself that you thought your dog was going to attack one of your other dogs, so in the heat of the moment you hit him to stop him from doing that. I'd say a lot of people have probably reacted like that when faced with a similar situation. I know someone who thought their dog was going to attack their baby so they hit it, but it turned out that he wasn't going to do that at all and the person just overreacted. She felt terrible about it for weeks too. We're only human and we all make mistakes, especially when confronted with heat of the moment situations. As long as you don't make this a regular thing your dog honestly will forget all about it, so please don't beat yourself up about this, and do what you can to address your compulsions such as avoidance behaviours etc.

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2 minutes ago, Lynz said:

I think the fact that you had this as an obsession and that it actually happened is just a co-incidence, as Ashley says sometimes we can't prevent what we fear from happening to us, but I think what is happening now is that you made a mistake and your OCD has reacted to that, which is what you CAN control.

Look, you said yourself that you thought your dog was going to attack one of your other dogs, so in the heat of the moment you hit him to stop him from doing that. I'd say a lot of people have probably reacted like that when faced with a similar situation. I know someone who thought their dog was going to attack their baby so they hit it, but it turned out that he wasn't going to do that at all and the person just overreacted. She felt terrible about it for weeks too. We're only human and we all make mistakes, especially when confronted with heat of the moment situations. As long as you don't make this a regular thing your dog honestly will forget all about it, so please don't beat yourself up about this, and do what you can to address your compulsions such as avoidance behaviours etc.

Hey Lynz, 

OP never stated that she hit her dog because it was going to attack one of her other dogs. I'm more confused now...am i missing something? 

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Oh ok I misread the post. I thought you said you thought the dog was going to "take out" meaning to attack one of your other dogs, but now I see that wasn't what you meant at all. Oops!

But on re-reading your post what it does sound like to me is that it was accidental as you reached out to pet him and hit him on the head by accident. You really need to stop beating yourself up about this as accidents do happen. I'm so clumsy and I've accidentally hit or bumped into my dog a few times. It happens, but instead of me getting hung up about it I accept I didn't mean it and move on, the dog completely forgets about it soon after. So what you need to do now is work at your compulsions surrounding this.

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3 minutes ago, onepunch said:

Hey Lynz, 

OP never stated that she hit her dog because it was going to attack one of her other dogs. I'm more confused now...am i missing something? 

Ignore my first response. I'd misread the post.  :poster_oops: 

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27 minutes ago, Lynz said:

Ignore my first response. I'd misread the post.  :poster_oops: 

Ah I see. My OCD just made me doubt what I read for a second there. 

Sybdemp,

Like everyone else said on this thread, accidents do happen. You're not a bad person at all for hitting your dog on the head. Your intentions were to never hurt your dog to begin with yet you still feel bad about it- to me that sounds like you're a good person. I'm pretty sure if you continued to show your dog the same love that you been showing it before this accident happened, your dog would forget this incident ever happened. I own 2 dogs myself and what I learned, and this is an actual fact: Dogs live in the moment. They don't hold grudges. Sometimes when my dog acts out and I yell at him, he shows signs of being scared and sad. After I yell at him and I leave him be for a bit, when I come back he would look a little sad still. That's because I didn't show him that I wasn't upset with him anymore. But when I start showing him warmth and attention again, that is when he gets happy again like I never even yelled at him. My point? Dogs forgive and forget.  You need to recognize that the guilt and anxiety you're currently feeling is coming from your OCD. No matter how real they feel, just remember that it's just a feeling and it will pass as long as you let this go and move on with your daily life. 

Edited by onepunch
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Guest sybdemp

Thank you all so much for replying.  

I think it was on purpose because it had always been an intrusive thought.  I'm thinking it was mind over body.  My last therapist said that if I think bad thoughts, they'll happen at one time or another because of the "law of attraction" (she believes in that).  I'm starting to believe in it now myself... I think I really need to help to stop these thoughts before more obsessions would actually happen.

As for my compulsions -- I have to pat each one of them on the head each time I see them, for some reason it makes me feel as if I won't go through with any intrusive thoughts.  I actually do the same with each of my horses -- I scratch each one on the head.  

I feel like a total mess right now.  I'm terrified to go near my animals again but I know I have to to take care of them.  Going to take the dog that got hit for a walk and give him some treats.  He really likes apples and peanut butter so I'll go give him a slice.  Thank you guys for all the replies, it actually may have been black and white thinking.  Maybe I just patted him too hard by accident? My excitement was up to see them at the time.  

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5 minutes ago, sybdemp said:

I think it was on purpose because it had always been an intrusive thought.  I'm thinking it was mind over body.  My last therapist said that if I think bad thoughts, they'll happen at one time or another because of the "law of attraction" (she believes in that).  I'm starting to believe in it now myself... I think I really need to help to stop these thoughts before more obsessions would actually happen.

As for my compulsions -- I have to pat each one of them on the head each time I see them, for some reason it makes me feel as if I won't go through with any intrusive thoughts.  I actually do the same with each of my horses -- I scratch each one on the head.  

I feel like a total mess right now.  I'm terrified to go near my animals again but I know I have to to take care of them.  Going to take the dog that got hit for a walk and give him some treats.  He really likes apples and peanut butter so I'll go give him a slice.  Thank you guys for all the replies, it actually may have been black and white thinking.  Maybe I just patted him too hard by accident? My excitement was up to see them at the time.  

I'm glad you said that therapist is your last therapist (meaning in the past) because what she said was disgusting pseudoscientific nonsense and she deserves to be struck off or something for promoting that bs to her clients. Please take no notice of any of that. It is complete rubbish.

You say you think it might have been on purpose. Well I can guarantee that is just your OCD trying to convince you that it was. You're ruminating on the event in your mind, and performing compulsions to try and alleviate the anxiety that you feel over this incident as well as when you get other intrusive thoughts.

Also, you say that you need to stop thinking these thoughts, well the nature of our brain is such that we can't ever stop thinking about anything because that is beyond our control, but what our goal is with intrusive thoughts is to not react to them when we have them and just let them be in our mind and get on with our day. If we practice this then eventually they will lose their power over us and we won't fear them anymore. So everytime you get an intrusive thought, the goal is to quite literally do nothing - don't react to it at all, don't do any compulsions and just carry on with your day.

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Guest sybdemp

Thanks! She was a terrible therapist.  She even called me a baby (when I called her on the phone) and told me to grow up, when I was too afraid to leave the house (used to be very agoraphobic).  It really damaged me for months, and sometimes I still find myself believing the things she says.

My dog didn't cower down at me today, he actually ran up to me and began jumping up and licking me.  I'm so glad I'm forgiven, but I still feel awful.  I'm finding it hard to forgive myself.  And if that law of attraction thing is real (or mind over body as my ex-therapist calls it) I am so anxious about my other compulsions happening.  I had a thought last night that I might sleepwalk and drive and crash into someone.  I don't know what I'd do if that happened.  

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You need to forget about this law of attraction nonsense. That's what I was talking about when I said your therapist didn't understand OCD. Intrusive thoughts are just thoughts, they're not intentions.

You need some real CBT work with a professional therapist who understands OCD.

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1 hour ago, sybdemp said:

 My last therapist said that if I think bad thoughts, they'll happen at one time or another because of the "law of attraction" (she believes in that)

Ok so let's test that theory out with a nice intrusive thoughts.   Lets both you and me think that we 'will win big on the lottery tomorrow'.  Yes there is a 0.01% chance that may happen, but there is a 99.99% chance it wont.   So your therapist really is wrong with that piece of advice.

The problem with OCD is that it often takes the small risk and make it a big risk in our minds, when it really isn't.

1 hour ago, sybdemp said:

I think it was on purpose because it had always been an intrusive thought.

Just because you had an intrusive thought and you 'accidently' hit the dog does not mean it is was on purpose at all. Try and move on from this, and if it makes you feel better really pamper the dog this weekend.

Ashley :)

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Guest sybdemp

Thanks! She was a CBT therapist and I'm afraid to get a new one.  I don't want him/her to be mean like my last one.  

And thanks so much! I just got done pampering him a ton. He seems to have forgotten about it.

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5 hours ago, sybdemp said:

Thanks! She was a terrible therapist.  She even called me a baby (when I called her on the phone) and told me to grow up, when I was too afraid to leave the house (used to be very agoraphobic).  It really damaged me for months, and sometimes I still find myself believing the things she says.

My dog didn't cower down at me today, he actually ran up to me and began jumping up and licking me.  I'm so glad I'm forgiven, but I still feel awful.  I'm finding it hard to forgive myself.  And if that law of attraction thing is real (or mind over body as my ex-therapist calls it) I am so anxious about my other compulsions happening.  I had a thought last night that I might sleepwalk and drive and crash into someone.  I don't know what I'd do if that happened.  

Law of attraction is nonsense. If it was real, how come people don't use it to win the lottery? Your therapist is full of it. OCD doesn't work that way. You don't actually manifest your fears. It's like saying a woman with OCD is taking a bath for her baby and she has an intrusive thought of drowning her baby and she interprets that thought as "I am a bad person for thinking this. I shouldn't be allowed to be near my baby". That thought would give her a lot of anxiety because of her interpretation of it and she would start doing compulsions just to get rid of that anxiety, but she would never actually drown her baby. It just doesn't work that way. If you're up for it, you can test it out and see for yourself. Think bad thoughts of you hitting your dog as much as you want and then go near your dog. See what happens and report back :) 

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4 hours ago, sybdemp said:

He seems to have forgotten about it

He's probably forgotten it because there wasn't anything significant to forget :)

I used to have real problems OCD-wise with my dogs.....I don't today.  Others have similar issues with their children, others with their significant others.....whatever is important to us is a potential target.

I'm not sure that your therapist was advocaing the "Law of attraction" theory......more perhaps, that sometimes the things we fear crop up naturally......just not explained very well.  Either way, you need a therapist that is on the same wave length, one you understand and one that understands OCD.

Get back on track tomorrow.....walk your dogs, pet them, correct them (as necessary) and be aware that OCD-wise, they are fodder because they're important to you.

My dogs are one of the most important aspects of my life.  I went through a (brief) period in my life where I struggled to be in the same room with them.  It remained brief (albeit terrifying) because I acknowledged and accepted that my fear was OCD driven.  It was a scary time but I defied the false fears, stuck with it and refused to comply with the avoidance my anxiety suggested.  Those fears can burn out pretty quickly if you face them head on, quicker than you might imagine.  Be brave and stay strong, because you can do it, you are actually stronger than "it".  

When I was in that stage I struggled to be alone with my dogs, I struggled to be alone in a room by myself, I struggled to stay up alone if my Husband went to bed.  Frankly, I was a mess.

What changed?  I accepted OCD was the cause.  I accepted anxiety was awful but it wouldn't kill me.  I did the opposite to what my mind screamed at me to do......run away, avoid.....I sat with it.  It went, I won.

Facing our OCD fears are scary....it's something we all want to avoid for immediate relief....but.immediate relief is short-lived, it's not worth it in the long-term.  Defy the fears, get through that period of anxiety and discomfort  and you will usually find that in fact, there's nothing to fear but fear and unpleasant feelings.

Avoidance of feared situations is the enemy......whether OCD, phobia or anxiety is at play.  Defy it and stick with it

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest sybdemp

Thank you all for replying! So sorry for the late reply, I feel bad for replying so late :(

I don't think I can report her.  She has her own practice, and her own building and everything.  There's no one to report her to, sadly.

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