How to deal with real OCD ?

[Ironborn]

Hey guys.

Ive got a question.

One of my most painfull and depressing ocd theme is the one where i feel incredible guilt, shame, angers, and sadness for things ive done in my past. ( bullying people and even former pets we had, cheating, telling lies, hurt people etc etc).

even tough i can honestly say that as the person i am right now i am very pleased, my morals are good, and i really am very loving and compassionate right now.

I just cannot seem to overcome this past 'me'. almost daily i get memories popping up from stuff ive done in the past which i really really regret. i Immediatly feel so much guilt i feel like breaking down in tears everytime.

i also have lots of other OCD themes but these can sometime fade away because deep down i know they are false.

But the things ive done in the past are true and so i cannot seem to let them go.


My mind just tells me that i somehow need to fix all my wrongdoings, confess it all into detail to my wife and family before i could find peace for my past.


some advice would be more then welcome, i really am very sad. and also angry at myself for being such an ******* back in the days.

[Wonderer]

Hiya, I'm sorry ur feeling so rough at the minute, I know exactly how u feel as I get exactly like that to at times and its excruciating. The thing is, we live and we learn, we all do things that we regret and make mistakes, the key to moving on from this is realising the guilt and shame u feel really does show that u have learnt from those mistakes, and u have no intention of ever repeating them, our guilt is usually very disproportionate to what we have actually done! I have confessed things in the past that were eating me alive and nobody ever bats an eyelid, I've heard so many times that everyone has done and said things they bitterly regret, it's part of being a human. What I would say is to try some mindfulness, ground yourself in the present day and the person you are now, we can't change the past but we can work towards a better future! Xx

[PolarBear]

Let's look at how this theme manifests.

You get intrusive thoughts about things you've done in your past. Your brain pushes the panic button (which it shouldn't) making you believe this is a huge deal and something you should pay attention to. In response you do compulsions that only serve to make the situation worse.

Confessing would be a compulsion and will not bring you the peace of mind you crave. 

What you need to do is identify the compulsions you are doing and work hard to stop them. Chief among them is ruminating. Also, from a Cognitive side of things, you need to put these past events in perspective. None of them are worth the anxiety you're going through right now. Everyone makes mistakes. We learn from them, we let ourselves off the hook and we move on without those mistakes hanging over us.

[paradoxer]

Ironborn - it's OCD treat it at such. And yes confessing would be a compulsion - incidentally a selfish one - since it would make YOU feel better (for all of about 2 seconds). On the cognitive side, I'd say, don't set yourself up to be a good person, no one is. It'll just get you into deeper trouble. 

Edited July 22, 2016 by paradoxer