Does CBT mean lying to myself?

[ineedahug]

I have hit rock bottom.

After a long day with OCD I am convinced the only way out of hell is by never doing compulsions, but it's so hard when this disease has hijacked me so thoroughly.

I have contamination obsessions.  I often check to make sure there is no ***** on my ass or underwear.  I would do fine if history showed this was a completely irrational fear, but it's been true before.  I've checked--wiping my butt really hard, and there was feces.  Not a lot, like I **** myself, but that I hadn't wiped hard enough. 

Plus I have stomach issues so that would make this sort of thing more likely.

Must my CBT involve lying to myself?

Today I checked myself. Because of OCD my memory is hazy, but I think when I checked at first there wasn't anything.  Then I wiped harder, making sure to be thorough like a responsible adult, and there was **** there.

I've tried CBT, read our own Polarbear's wonderful book, and started my SSRI back up again.  I still feel like I can't get past this. Specifically, I feel like I should change my underwear, but I know it wouldn't stop there.

Edited July 29, 2016 by ineedahug

[PolarBear]

Hey hug. A terrible disorder, isn't it?

No, you don't have to lie to yourself. You don't have to say, I'm totally clean down there, because there's a possibility you may not be. What you do say is, I'm clean enough and I'm done checking. This will cause your anxiety to rise. Your brain will scream at you to check, but you just have to go on with your day. You'll get involved with other things and your anxiety will go down.

It's just like in the book when I talked about me trying to lock the car once and only once. Just about drove me bonkers. I wanted to press that lock button again so badly but I forced myself not to. It took a while but it slowly stopped bothering me.

One other thing. You say you wipe and nothing. Then you wipe harder and the paper is dirty. You can't be doing that. When you do it a second time you're checking again, a compulsion.

Now take a breath and get back at it. You can beat this thing.

Edited July 29, 2016 by PolarBear

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

I feel the same way. 

CBT sounds nice and i guess it is the only way to go, but there are other perspectives which talks about confronting and work and even analyze memories and feelings. 

 

Who knows.. in 50 years maybe everyone believes in Freud again.

 

and nobody gives a **** about CBT

Edited July 29, 2016 by OCDhavenobrain