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Panicattack when doing good? Signs of something deeper??


Guest OCDhavenobrain

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Why am i feeling this now? Yesterday did i got a minor panic attack when i was out shopping. Got confused and got afraid i would throw up. Nothing major but still there.

Have been cutting off my sounds and much of mental counting lately. 

I am currently sitting here (should go out) but just got strucked by this INSIGHT. My brain is saying to me that the event i am currently most concerned about was this way and so on
It also tells me to do something about it. Go to the police right now which is strange really why now? Is this an insight or what?


I was thinking about taking some benzo yesterday, first step would be to take it with me, which i didn't. Got more and more scared the longer away from home i was. 

Why this anxietypeak right now if it isn't something`?? I don't even have any stress in my life right now. Omg omg

EDIT: If this thing i have now is OCD why isn't it leaving me alone when i am telling it to leave me alone.. I guess i always come to this point, i feel kinda empty without the compulsions. Like my sounds, i am telling myself they are cherring me up, i feel like it is so quiet when i am not doing sounds. I even feel more alone when i am not doing sounds!!

 

You are supposed to accept uncertainty to finally take the power from the thoughts. Does that mean that i am supposed to accept the things my thoughts is telling me? Destroyed/bullied/raped, will that not just confirm that i have been traumatized?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain
47 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

een cutting off my sounds and much of mental counting lately. 

I am currently sitting here (should go out) but just got strucked by this INSIGHT. My brain is saying to me that the event i am currently most concerned about was this way and so on
It also tells me to do something about it. Go to the police right now which is strange really why now? Is this an insight or what?

 

Nobody? no insights, no reassurance? 

That leave me with the feeling of me on a open field against enemies from all sides. This uncertainty things is really scary

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The thing about panic attacks is they can show up seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason. Sitting there trying to figure out why you had it is not going to do you any good. That's ruminating and that's a compulsion.

 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

The thing about panic attacks is they can show up seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason. Sitting there trying to figure out why you had it is not going to do you any good. That's ruminating and that's a compulsion.

 

Yes yes. Many of my attacks have come from nowhere, it is pretty saddening when they come when you really are decreasing your compulsions.


Today was a ****** day, got panicked and apathy. Need to keep resisting the sounds and counting, or else will i not doing any progressive in me turning the acitivity down.

 

Lets ssee lets see

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
20 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:


Why this anxietypeak right now if it isn't something`?? I don't even have any stress in my life right now. Omg omg

Feelt strange the rest of the day yesterday. Like things were far away from me, strange vision.

It is there in the background today but will try to deny to give it any attention. Step back darkness

 

edit: and even if i fail at giving those rapethoughts attention will i not doing any sounds and avoid mental counting. the easiest things first

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Am currently in a state of fear. Put on this podcast which normally is free from triggers....

 

but today did they talk about rape and definitions and what is this and what is that.. OMG omg this is a minefield. 
Got this buzzing in my whole body and was ready to run and take a benzo if they said rape. They didn't however so i guess or i know or however what they say do i need to keep on living. 

Give it to me


EDIT: all those situations and fears leave me with irritation and even hate against everybody who "put this upon me", even if i know (ocd experts) say you should be angry at the ocd and not the triggers

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Yesterday was a ****** day. Felt minidepressed and actual ill. I guess it is all the stressbuild up in my body. Aiming at keep the sounds and counting down today. Feel unmotivated overall but need to do this. 

The rape things are hovering around in the background. like a shark

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

The mornings are always the worst. The urges to do sounds are greatly diminished. 

 

Need to keep the water clear from baits or else will the sharks quickly gather up and attack. Keep going for it

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1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Need to keep the water clear from baits or else will the sharks quickly gather up and attack.

What do you mean?     How is getting access to treatment going?

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
3 hours ago, Ashley said:

What do you mean?     How is getting access to treatment going?

I pretty much know what i need to do. The best therapist/group i have been in said exactly what the best coaches online already have put out there.

Every therapaist up to that group just did more bad than good. 

what i mean is that i need to keep resisting doing compulsions.

The biggest question i have really is how i will not fall back and get lazy when the urges have declined. As you become lazy and sometimes can stop to exercise do i tend to stop being active and proactive with the urges. And even the smallest urges can grow to something big if you don't cut it off before it is so big it has taken you over. When it comes to exercise can you just go go out and cycle/run but OCD is like a drug. When you once give in do you get dependent and you will suffer withdraw if you stop 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Cross that bridge when you come to it. You must be vigilant for the return of obsessions. You need to recognize when they need to strike. You need to know what your usual compulsions are and you need to refrain from doing them.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

So i was out cycling and there came a motorcycle. Decibels have always been a big thing for me.


My long term goal is to cut them all off and stay this way, this year. Damn i need to write on my wall or something. "When you are doing good pay attention!". Don't get lazy. A big thing which i have never fully accepted is to realize that even if the thoughts are telling me that some of them are just not so serious (bad for my mental health), and that i even enjoy them, do i need to call them out for what they really are- compulsions which are detrimental to engage in

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
Removed swearing
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Wake up and my mobilephone is done. Or more precise the one i got in exchange from the store when i left my own there which died after 1 month. 
Money is a big thing i have done compulsion around lately. Things seems to die on me a lot lately, i don't know if i am careless or what is going on really.. I know that i am not so mindful when i am doing compulsions, you only have so much attention and we all know that compulsions takes up a great part of the attention

The sounds have decreased a lot and i notice i am more calm when i am trying to sit down and read. Normally when i am in a period when i am doing compulsions a lot do i notice a huge disconfort and tension in the body when i am in public and don't do tics, i find it very difficult to sit down and read when i get this physical discomfort in my body.

Going out today again, need to keep the tics away. Something i noticed yesterday was that the counting in my head is so automatic i really need to be aware of it all the time and cut it off when i notice it.

 

I am a person who likes to compete i guess. Or not so much compete more like challenge myself and compare me to others. I am not competing in cycling but i have a good amount of knowledge where i place against others. 

When it comes to OCD do i find it motivating to get compulsion free once and for all. BUT this also leaves me with a very great anxiety when i find myself in a position of failing with this task. Let's say i am in a place of great stress and i can't handle it and i have fallen back to do the compulsions. Then do i feel like a failure and i feel like all the time recovering was a waste of time and so on. OCD or normal?

 

edit: i have all those pictures of things being perfect. I currently have 5 areas in life where i have goals and i have a plan to achieve it by a certain date. So when things are going against those plans do i get anxiety. Then do i count those areas and see where i am and how far i have got towards my goals. And i guess you can guess where it all ends up.. 
It is the certainty i want to get, but i should accept that life is uncertain and stop counting them. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Feelt calm for the first come in a long time yesterday. Was able to sit and read with no thoughts constantly yelling you have been destoryed/raped, you must do this and this NOW NOW NOW. 

My tics are greatly diminished. 

Still doing some counting. Still feeling vulnerable to stories about like everything who can get the ball rolling. I guess you need to be constantly ready to accept those things. 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

The sounds have diminished to the point it feels strange/wrong to the the sounds. Like wasting energy. Atleast in peaceful times. The greatest test for us is to see how we do under stress..

The mental compulsions (the counting) is there when i am trying to read and it is also so automatic, i have done it atleast 10 years so i must be a real expert on how to do this and still function. They say you become an expert on anything you do after 10.000 hours.. Damn that is a scary thought..so much time wasted.

 

HOWEVER keep going at it today. Still having some kind of virus i think, no training. 

Lets all go at it. peace

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Guest Bluheela

Hi OHB,

You are doing an incredible effort at defeating this Beast.

Describe Counting to me.  How does it work?

 

I have a little experience with Counting.  It concerned a phobia with leaving taps running on, in and around the house.  The rituals for the outside tap were unique.  After using the hose to water my garden I would turn the tap off but leave my hand firmly on it and count to 5 (It used to be 7 & at one stage went down to 3).  Unfortunately I found this counting became an invasion of my life - e.g. counting when I tightened a screw to 5 before pulling the screwdriver away - in fact everything became counting before taking an exaggerated step away - for me it became a real disability.

In the end I realised I had welcomed OCD through the door.  But I also realised that I had the option of not counting.  So slowly I stopped and straight away realised that the reassurance was no longer there (OCD craves certainty and perfection with every task).  But it's better - I try and use my hearing, eyesight and touch (feel) to know that something is completed.  In my case it was becoming unacceptable.  I have had other weird rituals like clenching my thumbs to indicate something is completed - only trouble was - My wife picked up on that one from a mile away (LOL).

Hope this Helps.

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Guest Bluheela

And I can understand how frustrating the mental compulsions of counting whilst reading would be and back to my previous post - you have had this for 10 years my friend so it is quite entrenched and will require every effort to embrace the principles of CBT & ERP.  Also a dogged no give up attitude will be required as you continue your journey and embrace recovery on a daily basis.

Whilst I have not had counting for 10 years I am convinced I've had OCD from childhood (the age of 7 - a good 45 years) and these things can still be confronted and resolved.  I am a firm believer that for every problem there is a solution.  Keep on Keeping on.

Edited by Bluheela
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