Worried I damaged by checking

[Bodge]

Hi all, could really do with some advice. Basically I'm afraid of something bad happening and it being my fault, 3 months ago I had a worry that I'd accidentally scraped a friends car when parking, so I had a look and there was nothing there, but then, as I looked (only looked) by the bumper I was suddenly filled with fear of 'what if I damage the car by touching it when I checked and make a fault in the car which will cause them to have a crash'....as I thought that I stepped back before I'd even touched the car and although I was filled with panic, I told myself it was OK as I hadn't even touched it. Everything in me wanted to tell my friend to check their car but I didn't, as that would be reassurance and I'd look a bit wierd!! But 3 months later I'm still worried, what if they have a crash, I'll think it's my fault even though I didn't touch the car, the 'what if I did will kick in', how do I live with this, it's so scary, but if I ask them to check their car I will look so odd. How do I get over this...I'm so scared

[PolarBear]

This is just everyday OCD. You need to recognize what's going on. You are getting intrusive thoughts that you could be responsible for something bad happening. In response you perform compulsions. Asking them to check their car would be a compulsion. I'll bet you ruminate over this constantly. That's another compulsion. They are what is driving your intrusive thoughts. Stop the compulsions, the thoughts start to dissipate.

[Bodge]

Thank you for your reply, it's just so hard living in fear that if coincidentally something like a car crash happens, I will struggle to cope even though it would be nothing to do with me. I'm not going to ask them to check their car, as I know it's an unnecessary compulsion, but I'm just struggling not to worry.

[PolarBear]

When you get that urge to ruminate, stop yourself. Say to yourself, "I'm not going to deal with this right now." Then shift your focus onto something else.

[Bodge]

Thank you polar bear, I'll keep trying to shift my focus. The odd thing is when I get a new 'worry' I will see this one for the nonsense that it is as new ones always seem bigger at the time......OCD sure doesn't make sense sometimes! Wish I could see a worrying thought as nonsense straight away, instead of waiting for another one to replace it!!!

[paradoxer]

57 minutes ago, Bodge said:

Thank you polar bear, I'll keep trying to shift my focus. The odd thing is when I get a new 'worry' I will see this one for the nonsense that it is as new ones always seem bigger at the time......OCD sure doesn't make sense sometimes! Wish I could see a worrying thought as nonsense straight away, instead of waiting for another one to replace it!!!

Knowing how OCD works - having a heads up can give you an edge on the disorder. It reminds me of the film 'Memento' where the main character can't retain memory for more than a few minutes, He has to write down events in order to remember them. It's the same with OCD - it's like scrawling a note on your arm. 'This is a fraud'. 

[Bodge]

Thank you for your reply paradoxer, so are you saying I need to say to myself that the OCD is a fraud? 

[Bodge]

Still struggling, I know it's just a thought but I'm just so scared of something happening and me blaming myself, it's like living with a time bomb over me and it's getting me down, how do I cope without checking? Any advice gratefully received .

[PolarBear]

The less you check and more importantly the less you think about it, the less it will bother you. Checking and rumination are compulsions and they never do any good. Work on stopping those compulsions.

[Bodge]

Thank you, I'll keep trying not to think about it, it's so hard, but I know you are right  . Do you think eventually I will see the thought for the rubbish that it is instead of bring petrified by it?

[PolarBear]

You can reach a point where you don't care. It won't matter to you. Just like with anyone touching a car, they don't think about such things.

Edited August 23, 2016 by PolarBear

[Bodge]

Thank you for the replies  It's always helpful to hear advice and opinions from others who understand what it's like to suffer with OCD, my family are supportive but don't really understand, so this forum is a great help, thank you.

Edited August 23, 2016 by Bodge

[paradoxer]

On 8/22/2016 at 09:12, Bodge said:

Thank you for your reply paradoxer, so are you saying I need to say to myself that the OCD is a fraud? 

Yes, from a cognitive point of view - in terms of seeing OCD for what it is - It helps to remember - but don't use it as a form of reassurance. 

[Ashley]

11 hours ago, paradoxer said:

Yes, from a cognitive point of view - in terms of seeing OCD for what it is - It helps to remember - but don't use it as a form of reassurance. 

This is good advice, relabelling something for OCD is helpful, but can quickly become a reassuring compulsion.   Sometimes Bodge it can be helpful to relabel but then do an exposure exercise immediately after.   So perhaps saying 'OCD is a fraud' but then immediately calling OCD bluff by saying your worst possible OCD fear/scenario, i.e. in my case it would be 'I am contaminated, I am going to pass on germs to other people who will die and it will be my fault'.   Hard thing to do, but a great way to call the OCD bluff

[Bodge]

That's made me think, I always feel ok when I say to myself the thoughts aren't real, but to call ocd's bluff and say what you suggested is really hard, I'm not sure I can, it's everything I'm scared of (something being my fault) .

[PolarBear]

What Ashley is talking about is challenging your OCD. It's getting into the disorders face. It's about exposing yourself to that which you fear and realizing, over time, that it's just not that scary.

[taurean]

I totally agree with PolarBear.

Trying to stop them or get rid of them is not the answer. 

Our goal is to be indifferent -  not pay attention to intrusions - when we reach that position in our recovery they don't tend to stick around when no attention is paid to them. 

When we start to get good at this, we also begin to break the chains that bind us, and our fear diminishes. 

This is also the process our forum friends on the sleeping issues thread need to follow to beat that problem. 

 

[Bodge]

Sorry guys but I'm still really struggling, this is like hell. Since the initial thought ive seen other cars (but not touched) and noticed there are various pipes and things that could be broken. Then, a few days ago it suddenly popped into my head 'what if I remember the pipes because I touched them on m friends car'...,I know that's silly, I remember at the time thinking it's ok because I didn't even touch the car, so there is no real threat....but I'm so scared, it's making a big black cloud over me and it's just not going, at the time 3 months ago when I had the thought I wasn't this bad, it seems to be growing with time....but if I ask them if I check their car I will look so stupid....I could go back to cbt but I've had so much I don't  think I can be told anything new, and would just be going for reassurance. Please help, how can I feel better, without having to wait until my friend changes their car

[PolarBear]

The problem is that you keep doing compulsions around this. You've got to recognize that. Touching the car is irrelevant. That's not the problem. The problem is that OCD has latched onto an insignificant event, blown it all out of proportion and now you are making it so much worse by doing compulsions.

You've got to figure out what compulsions you are doing and work hard to stop them. Ruminating is probably your biggest compulsion. I bet you're avoiding touching cars right now. That's a compulsion and should be reversed. You should be touching every car you see and saying to yourself "They're going to get into an accident."

You've got to meet this head on. First by limiting and stopping your compulsions and secondly by challenging your OCD by doing the exact opposite of what it wants you to do.

Edited August 26, 2016 by PolarBear

[Bodge]

Thank you Polar Bear, I just keep thinking too much, that's my problem. I'll keep trying to let it go...part of my prob is I work term time only, which is lovely, but all this time off work for the summer hols is not good for my head, I'm better with distractions!

Edited August 26, 2016 by Bodge

[taurean]

Bodge I had that problem when I first retired. 

How did I get the distractions running,  and keep Mrs Roy happy? 

I bought a pad of coloured diary sheets, one week to a page - and after agreeing the split of family and household and gardening functions between us - with me also working as personal assistant to my wife's power of attorney over her Mum's affairs ( PA to the POA ) and allowing for our own personal and couple activities, it was relatively easy to schedule tasks for the week. 

We kept things flexible by completing in pencil, and anything not completed would be carried over to next week. 

We allowed for distraction leisure time such as fishing gym or pool meals out too. 

This kept me beneficially active, as too my wife, and also in marital accord! 

You can buy these pads of diary sheets from stationers such as Rymans, Paperchase and for us they have worked really well. 

[Bodge]

That sounds like a good idea Roy, I'll look for some next time I'm in town, thank you.