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I need advice on how to deal with this, I'm recovered  but I had a bit of a flair up. I have sexual orientation obsessions where I am a gay woman afraid of being heterosexual or bisexual, like the opposite of traditional "HOCD."

Anyway like I said it's been one year I'm mostly recovered, I barely have any compulsions and don't spend even a minute on anything OCD related anymore. Just I had a bit of a flair up from yesterday, it's a bit NSFW so please bare with me.

My girlfriend and I are sexually active together and she is my first. Before her my ocd used to focus heavily on this fear of having sex the first time and not liking it and then switching over to heterosexual sex. Anyway, my gf and I have had physical relations three times now and my ocd is always a bit present during. As in I get intrusive thoughts during or some that stick around after to bother me. 

My ocd keeps telling me that I don't like certain parts of sex or that it's not as I had always imagined and therefore don't enjoy/like it/ or feel the way I want to about it, basically afraid I don't enjoy or like lesbian sex enough.  It's weird because deep down I know I really enjoy being physically intimate with my gf, not just because I like that closeness with her but I enjoy what we're doing. So my brain is just stuck on this idea that I'm afraid the sex isn't how I always imagined it as a virgin and I'm disappointed and will switch over. Or I'm just afraid I don't like lesbian sex? Which like I stated is weird cause I do like it a lot..but I get all the intrusive thoughts just going off on how I don't "feel" the right way during sex. 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I have this idea that when you still get those thoughts aren't you really recovered. Like a computer who still get pop ups, the virus is still there.

Maybe you should more see it as a life time thing which you need to have under control. Like diabetes

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Sorry you are struggling Nicolette but how great you are doing so well for the most part :)

5 hours ago, NicoletteCB said:

like the opposite of traditional "HOCD."

Ha, partly why I hate the acronym terms, because they don't really make sense and in your case as you say, the opposite.

 

5 hours ago, NicoletteCB said:

it's a bit NSFW

Ok, I may be showing my age here, but what's NSFW? :a1_cheesygrin:

 

5 hours ago, NicoletteCB said:

Or I'm just afraid I don't like lesbian sex? Which like I stated is weird cause I do like it a lot

Polarbear is right that in context that these OCD thoughts are like other aspects of your OCD, the OCD is making you doubt, remember OCD is the doubting disease.  I don't have any immediate suggestions other than apply the same approach you used to tackle other aspects of your OCD.  What I do know is that whatever type of sex you were having, I am sure the OCD would still make you doubt and worry, so the focus of the problem is not the type of sex, it is the thoughts making you doubt.

Ashley :)

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7 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I have this idea that when you still get those thoughts aren't you really recovered. Like a computer who still get pop ups, the virus is still there.

Maybe you should more see it as a life time thing which you need to have under control. Like diabetes

I disagree. Everyone gets intrusive thoughts. Even people without OCD. They're normal. Everyone else just brushes them off as irrelevant while OCD sufferers react to them with compulsions.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

I disagree. Everyone gets intrusive thoughts. Even people without OCD. They're normal. Everyone else just brushes them off as irrelevant while OCD sufferers react to them with compulsions.

Fair enough.

What about this wiewpoint then.. ok i forgot it while i wrote this.

Fair enough then, i guess you answered my question to you in another thread with that answer. I asked you if you still get urges.

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