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A new member here - Hi


Guest David71

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Guest David71

Hi everybody

Just found this website (OCD uk)... I am 44 years old and have suffered with OCD since I was 11 years old.

Been on various medications since I was 19, seen various psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors e.t.c . (The psychiatrist signed me off a couple of years ago now as he 

didn't see the benefit in continuing to see me anymore. He was there mainly to supervise my medication every 6 months) However, the strange thing is this.....I am still reluctant to talk

about my OCD.  Even though I have suffered with it most of my life, I'm not even sure if my Dad and my brother know that I suffer with OCD. 

They know I have 'anxiety/depression' and have seen the tears and distress over the years,  but I find it difficult to open up to them or anyone else, so I tend to keep it hidden.

The few times that I have opened up and/or gone into detail, family and other people have been friendly and caring,

but I still get the impression that they don't really understand it at all.  I have often left the conversation feeling as if I was from Mars or something.

My wife is good  and tries to understand but I find opening up to her is not easy and I don't want to burden her either.

I have been doing my best but I am at a stage now where I am just exhausted by it all. The compulsions, mainly mental, just seem to be out of control.

I am going to see the doctor on Tuesday (I hope) and my wife will be with me. I feel as if I've been allowed to rot on medication  but I guess a lot of that that is my own fault for not pushing 

for further help.

I think it's come to a head after getting a bit defensive with a friend this morning, who was and has been urging me to take my wife on a cruise as she thinks I would really enjoy it.

The thought of a holiday fills me with excitement but also dread and frustration.. ...Why?......On the last few holidays I have had, the compulsions have just gone berserk.

It happens whenever I look forward to something, whether that's a holiday, Christmas, a big football game/sporting event, e.t.c

I feel as if I have to get the thoughts in my head under control and 'just right'. It then becomes equivalent to trying to put a lid on Pandora's Box....impossible and exhausting.

I try to enjoy the holiday but spend so much time just repeating and repeating 'nonsensical' compulsions in my head.

Trying to find a quiet place, needing to go to the toilet is a 'favourite' excuse, so I can repeat the compulsions to my satisfaction and thus continue the rest of the holiday

in peace and enjoyment has been the pattern..........Of course, it doesn't work and only gets worse. Incredibly frustrating to spend a lot of money

on something that you should enjoy and cherish forever, but in reality actually feels like an ordeal due to these 'damned' thoughts and rituals.

Anyway, I have now reached the stage where I have had enough of this. It has overshadowed my life and done so much damage and destroyed so much potential.

I now realize that the time to seek help is here once more.....I feel very nervous about opening up to the doctor though (but I will)

Thanks for reading

           

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1 hour ago, David71 said:

I am going to see the doctor on Tuesday (I hope) and my wife will be with me. I feel as if I've been allowed to rot on medication  but I guess a lot of that that is my own fault for not pushing 

for further help.

 

Hi David,

Welcome to the forums :)

Look, I think we have all been there (with the not pushing for help) and a few of my friends are there right now. I can encourage and suggest they seek help, but I remember with me I had to accept it was time to seek help from within me. If you are there now and want to get help then that is fantastic, and we can try and give you some treatment options and hopefully if treatment happens in time, it will mean you get to enjoy that cruise without the unwanted baggage of OCD.

Even though you may have tried lots of therapy over the years, the key is finding a 'good' therapist that understands OCD.   Where in Wales are you? If south wales there is a specialist NHS treatment clinic in the Bristol region which is one option if local services can't help.

Ashley.

 

 

 

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Guest David71

Hi Ashley,

                    Yes I'm in South Wales and not far from Bristol. Would you be able to tell me a bit more about the Bristol Clinic because that is an option I could bring up when I see the GP on Tuesday. Thanks

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Welcome David. My OCD is predominantly mental and I could so relate to the " going to the toilet " to do my thinking. I also say or should I say " lie" to my wife that my stomach aches and I need to lie down.  

I have gotten a lot better because like you I was bored and sick about the life I was missing out on

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Guest David71
1 hour ago, Rourke said:

Welcome David. My OCD is predominantly mental and I could so relate to the " going to the toilet " to do my thinking. I also say or should I say " lie" to my wife that my stomach aches and I need to lie down.  

I have gotten a lot better because like you I was bored and sick about the life I was missing out on

Thank you Rourke. It does help to know that others go through the same things

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