I need help - OCD is back with a vengeance.

[Chels]

How did I let my OCD back into my life to take over my life again Iv been doing so well and all of a sudden the last few months I have just got worse and it's to the point I don't even want to wake up on a morning and can't wait to go to bed... It's having huge problems on my relationship that's what the whole thing is about I keep going over the past in my head with my only other boyfriend when I was so young I was only with him not even a year I think it was pure lust don't even think I was in love at any point just blinded by lies. I got hurt and it did mess me up. But why 5 years on is it having a impact on my current 4 year relationship  I love my boyfriend more than anything in this whole world I know I don't need to prove that because he already knows that he's dealt with it so well but I'm scared he's getting sick. It's sick thoughts like when I'm so happy and he does something amazing my OCD will pop a thought of my ex into my head or when we are having sex or something and it's driving me crazy I want to enjoy my relationship and Iv tried to hard not to ruminate and to 'let it be' but it's so hard I just want to be normal not get these vile thoughts/feelings then I think we'll why are you not getting them about any other exes you must love him and that thought makes me feel physically sick  

[PolarBear]

So what do you think you should do about this latest hiccup?

[Chels]

I don't know I'm looking for some advice or help not reassurance just some guidance in what to do I need to get back on track but feel I can't do it alone 

[PolarBear]

Well, you need to stop freaking out every time you get an intrusive thought involving your old boyfriend and you need to identify and stop your compulsions.

Every time you get upset about the thoughts and then perform a compulsion you are training your brain to pay attention to the thoughts next time. Start to understand that they are just thoughts, you don't make them show up and they don't mean anything. You can even laugh at them.

We want you to not react at all to the thoughts. Leave them alone. The less attention you give them the less they'll bother you. 

Every time you get an intrusive thought you probably sit there and try to figure out why you got the thought, what does it mean, are you still in love with you old boyfriend and on and on. That's ruminating and it has to stop. Doing it is paying attention to the thoughts and that's what you don't want to do.

[Chels]

Thank you so much I really appreciate your advice and know it helped me a lot before when I was in a bad place. Iv been doing so well and Iv been very proud of myself but this last month or so I'm on a slippery slope. All I want is to be better and I know I have what it takes I just feel like I'm trying but every day I wake up and it's there and everytime I have sex i can't enjoy it even tho I really want to I love it but the thoughts make me feel dirty. I know that I'm feeding the OCD by fo using so much attention on the thoughts but I just think I need some help training myself to pay no attention to them. It's very hard I just don't want to go back to before when I was feeling suicidal

[Zico]

On 30 August 2016 at 21:00, PolarBear said:

Well, you need to stop freaking out every time you get an intrusive thought involving your old boyfriend and you need to identify and stop your compulsions.

Every time you get upset about the thoughts and then perform a compulsion you are training your brain to pay attention to the thoughts next time. Start to understand that they are just thoughts, you don't make them show up and they don't mean anything. You can even laugh at them.

We want you to not react at all to the thoughts. Leave them alone. The less attention you give them the less they'll bother you. 

Every time you get an intrusive thought you probably sit there and try to figure out why you got the thought, what does it mean, are you still in love with you old boyfriend and on and on. That's ruminating and it has to stop. Doing it is paying attention to the thoughts and that's what you don't want to do.

Great advice! If you pay the thoughts too much attention they almost become "real".

[Chels]

It is great advice and I am ever so grateful I just like to come on here to feel some sort of normality to know there are other people out there just like me and I am not a weirdo! I get myself so down as I feel so alone as I don't have any friends with OCD. It's getting the the point I dread having sex because I know what going to come then I get weird feelings down below and I feel disgusted in myself. It can be when thinking of other people but the person it seems to be more on is an ex which I don't actually know why