Crashed feeling really low

[Guest Gryphon]

Hello

So I haven't been on the forum for well a long time now as I've been doing so so welll. I came off my meds this year after 18 years of taking paroxetine hydrochloride (seroxat) And having CBT

And was doing really well but ths week I have crashed ahd although I'm not in the grips of relentless rumination l am having a real dark time and I guess wrongly or rightly Im looking for some help with what's going on for me.

It all started 3 months ago, my eldest daughter was 5 months pregnant and well went for a routine scam to find out the sex of her baby. My wife. my daughter and her partner and my 4 year old granddaughter all went along to the scan. We were all so excited to find out what sex our new grandchild would be.

Our whole world exploded that day. I was at work when I got the phone call that no parent grandparent should ever get.

our little grandson had died, they couldn't find a heartbeat

I'm devastated I'm so lost I don't know what to do.

We had his funeral 2 weeks ago and I felt as ok as I could do and feel very selfish that I have slipped into this horrible place

 

 

Edited September 26, 2016 by Gryphon

[snowbear]

Hi Gryphon,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your grandson. It's not surprising you're feeling so lost at the moment - you must still be grieving after the unexpected and devastating news. 

Grief manifests in different ways so if your head isn't quite in its usual place it's ok to go with the flow for now and take things one day at a time. 

2 hours ago, Gryphon said:

I'm not in the grips of relentless rumination

That's good news! So this terrible event hasn't set you back to square one, just rocked the boat a little. 

 

2 hours ago, Gryphon said:

Our whole world exploded that day. I was at work when I got the phone call that no parent grandparent should ever get.

Of course your world exploded, or at least the feeling of certainty and safety which normally surrounds your everyday life exploded. And it will take a little time to come back together and feel whole again. That's normal.

I understand and sympathise with you saying 'the phone call no parent or grandparent should ever get'. It comes from a place of the deepest loss imaginable and is an easy way of expressing this depth of feeling. It's a useful phrase and one we hear a lot in modern society. 

However I'm going to gently caution you against continuing to think about this event in those words. They carry a common misconception - that we shouldn't be expected to face grief. While nobody wants to feel pain, it is a normal part of life. Rejecting the validity of grief (even if it's only a subconscious effect of the words we use) can make the loss harder to accept and delay moving through the necessary stages of grieving. 

But talking about your feelings is good. Talk to your family. Bottling up sadness doesn't ease it. Connecting with others does.

Allow yourself a little time to enjoy thoughts of what might have been as well as consoling yourself over what's missing.

It's not selfish to be in a dark place just now, it's normal. In time the upset of the explosion should balance itself with the joys of the life that goes on and your thoughts will naturally become more hopeful than dark. Go with the flow and let that happen when it comes, without forcing it and without feeling you ought to grieve longer, deeper or differently.

Sending you a hug.  

[jampot]

Sorry to hear the sad news,its no wonder you are feeling a bit down at the moment.

Some good advice from snowbear above.

Hope you feel better soon.

[taurean]

It's a bad business but it happens 

A couple I know in my road suffered too miscarriages, nevertheless kept trying and now have two lovely boys. 

She then developed breast cancer, but is doing well.

Powerful emotions upset our mental balance and grief is much better released but in a sensible practical way. 

 

[Guest Gryphon]

Thankyou so much SnowBear and jampot for your replys your post SnowBear I'm not afraid to say made me cry  for some reason I think it was a release and as I write this Im welling up 

I feel so sad for my beautiful daughter as I can't do a thing to ease her pain.

I feel extremely guilty that I am feeling down as this is totally not about me.

We have a beautifulgranddaughter who completely melts my heart but I can sense she is upset by sell what's been going on and often tells me how the baby is in heaven 

I so wish I was stronger and able to remove this sadness from us all 

I keep coming back to the what if scenario 

I guess life does go on and we should be thankful for all we have but  it's a l really tough call this is. I have a photo of my little grandson in which I placed his little finger on my hand. 

I want this darkness to go away 

Sorry for this rant 

 

 

[snowbear]

It's not a rant, Gryphon. You're just getting things off your chest for now and that's good. 

Remember it's not your job (or anyone's job) to remove the sadness. Allow the love of family one for another to do that for all of you in time. Lean on each other as necessary. Some days one person will be the strong one, other days it will be someone else's turn to hold the rudder and steer the family ship.

The desire to keep coming back to 'what ifs' is ruminating. It doesn't help, so try to nip that in the bud. There's a world of difference between smiling briefly over thoughts of an imagined future that will now not happen and wishing for the impossible in angst-ridden despair. Use the precious photo you have to stimulate happy thoughts, not sad ones.  

[Guest Gryphon]

Thankyou 

 

[Guest Gryphon]

Hi All 

Just thought would update you on how I'm doing and although I'm  not Brilliant I am feeling a bit more positive and although a few instances of ruminating thoughts I've managed to quell them before they really got Started. 

Thank you again for taking the time to respond. 

[taurean]

That's great, and that is why OCD-UK supplies these forums. 

[snowbear]

That's good news, Gryphon. Keep going and take care of yourself.  

[Guest johnny b]

On ‎26‎/‎09‎/‎2016 at 06:33, Gryphon said:

Hello

So I haven't been on the forum for well a long time now as I've been doing so so welll. I came off my meds this year after 18 years of taking paroxetine hydrochloride (seroxat) And having CBT

And was doing really well but ths week I have crashed ahd although I'm not in the grips of relentless rumination l am having a real dark time and I guess wrongly or rightly Im looking for some help with what's going on for me.

It all started 3 months ago, my eldest daughter was 5 months pregnant and well went for a routine scam to find out the sex of her baby. My wife. my daughter and her partner and my 4 year old granddaughter all went along to the scan. We were all so excited to find out what sex our new grandchild would be.

Our whole world exploded that day. I was at work when I got the phone call that no parent grandparent should ever get.

our little grandson had died, they couldn't find a heartbeat

I'm devastated I'm so lost I don't know what to do.

We had his funeral 2 weeks ago and I felt as ok as I could do and feel very selfish that I have slipped into this horrible place

 

 

Hi Gryphon. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.

 

Just out of interest, why did you come off paroxetine?