Fear and anxiety over broken possessions

[Guest Werwulf]

I get very anxious when the things I own show signs of breaking, developing faults or when I damage them myself. My car came back from the garage today and I'm told it most likely has a very serious engine issue. My car is very important to me. When I was told I was almost sick, my hands were trembling and I just couldn't function for the rest of the day. I've been in a daze of intense depression ever since. I feel like I'm in such a dark hole with no way to get out. Like this is all my fault and I am to blame. My family don't really understand, it's 'just a car' etc. etc. I recently scratched it badly and had a similar, but not quite as severe reaction. I really don't know what to do. It has made me so unbearably low. Previous obsessions have been the fairly typical, fear of having illnesses etc.

[PolarBear]

Hey werwulf. Welcome to the forum. We have had several people here with the same sort of theme. One focused on a person's action figures. He couldn't stand it if they got a mark on them.

What you are facing I believe would benefit from ERP, exposing yoursrlf to that which you fear and then practicing not doing compulsions. You also need to do some Cognitive work. Your family is right. It's just a car. They can be fixed or replaced.

[Guest Werwulf]

20 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Hey werwulf. Welcome to the forum. We have had several people here with the same sort of theme. One focused on a person's action figures. He couldn't stand it if they got a mark on them.

What you are facing I believe would benefit from ERP, exposing yoursrlf to that which you fear and then practicing not doing compulsions. You also need to do some Cognitive work. Your family is right. It's just a car. They can be fixed or replaced.

Hi there. Thanks for your reply.

I'm trying to resist the compulsions. It's quite difficult when I can't induce the exposure myself. Well, I guess I could if I started smashing my things up deliberately! Compulsions generally consist of checking and re-assurance seeking. I was doing a pretty good job of avoiding the checking prior to this latest car 'thing'.

 

If something does get damaged then from then on it is tainted and I don't want it anymore, which is obviously super upsetting - you've saved up for a new car, and now it's just junk to you and you can't get any enjoyment out at all. I guess *not* discarding/selling these tainted items is probably good exposure, seeing these 'tainted' things are actually ok in the long run is probably good for me. When I scratched the car, I was mortified and the idea of new paint being applied to it was horrid. It would be sullied. When it was painted, I could see it was as good as it ever was and scratches etc. will probably be much less upsetting the next time it happens (and it will happen again no doubt!). I don't currently feel this way about the car's engine. If it has a major fault, it's junk and I don't want it any more.

 

There is a fairly strong aspect of blame associated with all this also. I feel very conscious that I am going to receive the blame for having something that goes faulty and people will look at me like it was my fault, I chose the wrong car etc. or didn't look after it (my car has been utterly babied!).

[PolarBear]

You're exhibiting signs of cognitive distortions, thinking everything must be perfect or it must go. A therapist can help you with that. It's CBT 101 stuff.

[Guest Werwulf]

So the car has been at the garage (expensive specialist) now for over 2 weeks and they cannot determine what is wrong with it. It could be something relatively minor or it could be catastrophic and hideously expensive. I honestly couldn't think of a scenario that would agitate my OCD sensibilities more. It's the perfect concoction and I'm in hell. I've not known depression like this for a long time.

I tried to use it as an ERP session and resist my compulsions. Get something positive out of it. But it's gone on so long now, and with no light at the end of the tunnel, I am absolutely burnt out with no way to escape. I can't get to a therapy session without a car either.