Son 13 yr old seems obsessed with washing his hands....

[paulfoel]

We've noticed that son takes a LONG time washing his hands. It got so much on a recent holiday that we were waiting 20 mins for him to go to the bathroom. It became clear when he came out once in a state of distress saying I cant get the soap off and almost crying.

We've spoken to him and he feels hes got to wash his hands properly and get the soap off. But like I said, it takes 20 mins. He says he doesnt like washing his hands he just has to do it properly. We've tried to say nicely well look at others in the bathroom and see how long they take - his answer I dont care about others I have to do it properly.

Since we're back we've tried to say look we're on a water meter try not to spend as long washing your hands but hes still the same.

Does this sound right?

We've probably not handled it that well because before we realised it may be a problem we thought it was just teenager slowness and "can't be bothered" and did tell him off... Apart from this, he does have behavour problems which now we're wondering may be linked. He doesnt listen, hes rude, very shy etc.

We've decided to maybe take him to see a doctor. Trouble is breaking the news to him is going to be tough - if he has a real problem dont want to have think either:-

A) Its a punushment for being bad.

B) Worry him that theres something seriously wrong with him.

Wwifes idea is just tell him we've made an appt for him to talk to someone - just come out with it. Tell him he needs to speak to someone to get it sorted. She thinks he wont care either way about it.

No idea how to do it to be honest. Help?

[paulfoel]

55 minutes ago, worrywart03 said:

I used to have the same thing when I was a kid.

Speaking from my experience, and I don't know how much I can help (but I want to) I'd say that you made an appt with a specialist who can help him get rid of the "have-to".

His handwashing would be a compulsion. A compulsion is something we don't want to do, but feel like we must. They bring us no pleasure, and if we could quit them, we would. So, I'd focus on that point.

I know that when I had that obsession, I could focus on little else if I felt unclean. So, I can only imagine that any help would be welcomed by anybody in the same boat.

I hope this helps.

Thanks ww. We are planning to get help.

At the moment, first hurdle is getting him there. How do we explain A and B to him?

[PolarBear]

Hi Paul and welcome to the forum.

I'm going to suggest that you tread lightly here. It would be far better if he agreed to see someone rather than you forcing it upon him. You do not want him to resent your choices.

If this is OCD, and at first blush it seems it could be leaning that way, your son could feel very isolated because of his thoughts and compulsions. He could feel like he is alone with his problem and having to deal with things on his own. He could end up feeling like a failure if you drop the bombshell of a doctor's visit on him before he is ready. On the other hand, you do not want to wait too long because OCD tends to become worse, he could start doing other compulsions and that can make him feel even more isolated.

I suggest you have a sit down conversation with him. Tell him that you are concerned about his hand washing, that it could be a sign of OCD. Be honest. But then tell him that if it is OCD, lots of people have it and they can learn to deal with it properly so it doesn't affect their lives too much. Tell him that you've seen him get distressed when he has to wash his hands so much and that you are concerned for him. Ask him how much it is bothering him. Get him to participate in the conversation.

Let him know that you support him. Try to keep things positive. Ask him if he thinks it would be okay if he saw a doctor to talk about his hand washing as a first step toward getting a diagnosis and then some help, if needed.

Make sure he understands that this is not a huge deal. This is a little problem that you want to make sure doesn't turn into a big problem. Let him know that lots of people go to doctors to talk about this kind of situation.

If he says he doesn't want any help, gently let him know that you think it would be a good idea for him to see a doctor because you are a little concerned that this could get worse and he ends up doing more and more behaviors that take up more and more time and cause him even more distress.

Good luck.