Still don't feel I know enough about ocd to overcome it

[megz150]

Ok, and assuming it's ocd means that despite me saying that, it's probably not nothing bad like I think it is and doesn't need 'sorting' like ocd wants me to think it does?

[PolarBear]

I don't even know what you're referring to. Regardless, your primary theme is fixating in what you say to see if you've said something bad. Given that, anytime you think you have said something bad, it's OCD and can be dismissed.

[megz150]

I'm referring to the fact that I said to mum that something has happened and I didn't wanna say what it was (when talking to her about my ocd). I feel like that just simply is bad. But you're saying it's still gonna be ocd in some way or another even tho it was said? 

[PolarBear]

That what was said? Are you talking about the fact that you told your mom something happened? That's what you're worrying about?

[megz150]

Yeah, I said that to her and I have no idea why. We were talking about my ocd and fears and she said 'don't get upset. Nothing's happened' and I said 'yes it has' and when she asked what I said 'I don't wanna talk about it'. I don't know why I said it or what I was trying to say 

[megz150]

I don't wanna convince myself that something is real event ocd and that its minor if actually it would be bad if true it's just that it's not, it's false memory ocd and not real event ocd. 
Is it important to understand whether a thought is real event ocd or false memory? Or is it enough to just know that ocd makes us think things are bad when they're not? 

[megz150]

If it is important to know the difference, can you explain to me which mine is? 

[megz150]

I'm scared that I'll tell myself something is exaggerated and I'm making it into a catastrophe when it's not. When actually it's that it's not true. But if it were true, it would be bad. 

Maybe this is just typical rumination and unnecessary and all I need to be saying to myself is 'in some way ocd is at play here, let go' 

[megz150]

Ok, thank you. Cos I guess trying to work out whether it's false memory or real event ocd means looking into the thought and thinking 'is this all fabricated? Or real but minor?' Cos that leads you down the wrong path of ruminating and analysing right? Do you think it's not necessary to understand real event ocd? 

[megz150]

I don't want tell myself I'm catastrophising something when that's not the case. If it were real, it would be bad and would be catastrophic. So it's not that it wouldn't be that bad if it happened. Unless I mean I'm catastrophising thinking it's likely to happen when it's not. Maybe deep down I know it hasn't happened. But I guess i dont want to get into whether it had or hasn't happened and whether ive got it right or not or understood correctly, ie how this is ocd, and whether I'm understanding catastrophe correctly 

I should Say 'maybe things are bad and I've got it all wrong. Let go' 

[megz150]

Ok. Thank you. So much. And just one very quick last thing- I don't need to know what constitutes ocd because this will get me stuck. I can assume things are ocd because of the extreme desire to 'sort things out', theme and nature of the thoughts? Trying to really know what constitutes ocd is reassurance seeking and rumination ?

[PolarBear]

Megz, your last half dozen posts are all ruminating, a compulsion. You have to stop trying to figure things out. That's what's keeping you stuck. You have OCD. That's enough to know. 

[megz150]

Ok. Also, polar bear, do u still think It's ocd despite what I said to my mum? You think I can let that go? 

[PolarBear]

Enough questions Megz. It's always just one more question. You are showing your unwillingness to let this go. These questions come from your OCD and I'm not going to play it's game anymore. You shouldn't either. 

[megz150]

Ok. I wish there weren't all these types of ocd like false memory, real event ocd. It can make ppl panic when there's doesn't fit. Someone who thinks they forgot to lock the front door. That's false memory. But it isn't catastrophic because there is nothing to say that anything bad would necessarily happen if they did accidentally leave unlocked. But false memory definition speaks as tho it's catastrophic it it were to occur but it's false 

[PolarBear]

The themes don't matter. It's just OCD.

Edited November 25, 2016 by PolarBear

[megz150]

I'm still getting a lot of obsessive thoughts about ocd itself like 'can sufferers really believe their ocd thoughts and fears, does this make me dangerous, I need to know the answer to avoid danger' and I'm getting worked up because I read ages ago 'most ocd sufferers know that their fears are irrational' and yet because my anxiety levels are so high and I'm so tired, I can't seem to work out what that means. All day my mind has been pounding away like 'the words are there. Irrational. And yet u can't work out what it means and whether it means sufferers do or don't believe their fears. You're mental. The words are there and u can't fathom them'. 

I'm avoiding rumination (other than this message) and keeping busy but my anxiety and fear won't subside because I'm unsure what to do with the thought and how to respond in a way that I'm supposed to. 

Every time I want to say 'let go. Maybe it's bad. Maybe it's not', I think 'I need to know because it's about understanding ocd itself AND its been said that sufferers know fears are irrational so I must know what this means, I do know what this means, think about it for a second', and yet I can honestly say I feel confused about what it's saying and what it means because I'm so caught up and exhausted. 

Is this 'normal' in ocd to feel so confused even when you're seeing things right in front of you?' 

Please tell me how to respond in a correct way? 

 

[PolarBear]

Don't respond at all. You aren't required to respond to your own questions. Your problem right now is you want certainty. You can't have it. And sitting there thinking and thinking about it is not going to bring you certainty. It's only going to get you more stuck.

[megz150]

But the words saying sufferers can see things are irrational were right in front of me and yet I feel clueless as to what it meant, what it was saying. Was it saying sufferers do believe or don't...

am I being absolutely stupid or is this how ocd is supposed to get you? 

[megz150]

Is it a case of having a 'maybe u understand. Maybe you don't. Maybe it's all screwed up, maybe it's not' type of response? 

But then I feel like I have no clue of when to let go and when not to. As in I know I can't be sitting and thinking 'what's ocd and what isn't?' But surely I need a very basic understanding of what ocd is. Can it be as simple as 'u can judge whether it's ocd based on the theme, amount of anxiety and upset and complete fear of letting go' OR 'maybe u really have no clue about ocd at all. Maybe you'll let go when you shouldn't' ? :s 

[PolarBear]

All you need to know is the basics. You have intrusive thoughts that cause you distress and lead to compulsions. That's basically it.

All you need to know about your current problem is that it is fruitless to sit there, going over what you read on the Internet, and trying to figure out the meaning behind the words. That's a compulsion. How long have you been doing that for? Be honest with yourself. Can you not see that it's pointless doing that, over and over again, and not getting anywhere with the work?

[megz150]

As soon as a thought/fear enters my head about whether iv understood the understanding of ocd correctly, is it literally as simple as saying 'maybe I get it. Maybe I dont. Maybe it's ok, maybe it's not', because ones the ocd level of anxiety and worry is there, no amount of looking into it will make me feel like I understand? But you're sure it's not important for me to understand? 

I know you've said I only need to know that I have intrusive thoughts that lead to compulsions and that's all but why is it ok for me to only know this? When other ppl are reading article and books and really brushing up on their knowledge 

[megz150]

I know ocd is supposed to make me feel out of control but the not knowing and feeling clueless does make me feel out of control 

[megz150]

I don't want to get into rumination shut I've read that false ocd is where u worry about something that would be really bad if did happen. But sometimes I feel like I worry about stuff that hasn't happened but that maybe wouldn't be as bad as I think even if it didn't happen. So where does this fit in with ocd? Does it mean it's not ocd? Unless this doesn't class as an initial intrusive thought, but is more the compulsion stage of me checking things and looking for evidence to support that I'm bad and out of control and will always be false or exaggerated. 

[PolarBear]

Megz, you have a problem comprehending what you hear and see. I'm sure you read fine but then you immediately start to question what you've read and you're off ruminating about it. That leads you to have a twisted view over what you've read. I mean, you're still stuck on this same topic for weeks now. Don't you see how this all happens?

I mean, go ahead and read a book on OCD, if you want. But if it leads to a hundred questions and you ruminating for months on end, what good was the effort?