Relationship ocd is this it forever, feeling doom and gloom?

[oetegenn1976]

I'm feeling really fed up with ocd and especially the theme that I dont love my husband.

I've been with my husband since I was 16, in which my ocd started to arise at this age, and had my ocd started with many themes! After dating my husband for a couple of years,  I started to get thoughts that I didn't love him etc and was really scared of the urge to tell him I didn't love him, I used to do silly compulsions to prove to myself that I did love him.  

Anyways, after years and years together and fighting this ocd theme, we had a child, got married, been married 7 years now and had another child! All with this horrible ocd theme in the back ground, making me feel guilty,  horrible and that I'm not in the right relationship,  making me feel like is this it, is this my life? Do I want to grow old with him, do I love him, am I falling out of love? Do I still find him attractive?  And when I dont,  this plays even worse! Sometimes I do sometimes I dont! But my ocd is making me worry, fear everything regarding my relationship with my hubby.  I'm not wanting to leave, I'm wanting to have a normal marriage without this ocd lingering all the time! Is the ocd or is it time to call it quits! Its so doing my head in and I'm sure my husband could do with someone nicer than me...... Is this my life now, I feel so trapped by it all ?

[PolarBear]

Have you had CBT? If you have, have you considered taking it again?

You need to learn new ways to handle your intrusive thoughts. It's all about the way you respond to them.

[oetegenn1976]

I've had cbt in the past, but due to other things couldn't do the homework!  And funnily enough I'm doing a course in cbt! 

I'm not sure if I'm looking for reassurance,  but does this sound like ocd or am I just wanting out? I know if I heard the latter, I'd be upset and probably dwell on it!

[PolarBear]

It sounds entirely like OCD. Assume it is and get to work.

[oetegenn1976]

So basically I'm just gonna have to accept that I'm always going to have doubts about my marriage and just not feel happy with anything regarding this ocd disorder!  How can I live a happy fulfilled marriage with such crazy **** my mind throws at me? 

[mummyoftwogirls]

Even if You entered another relationship with time the same cycle will repeat.  Yes accept this is how it is going to be . When you except that, paradoxically you will probably find the doubts will get less and less ?

[PolarBear]

7 hours ago, oetegenn1976 said:

So basically I'm just gonna have to accept that I'm always going to have doubts about my marriage and just not feel happy with anything regarding this ocd disorder!  How can I live a happy fulfilled marriage with such crazy **** my mind throws at me? 

Who said you're going to feel this way forever? OCD is not a life sentence.

You need to change the way you react to the thoughts and cut out your compulsions. Done properly and over enough time the intrusive thoughts start to taper off.

[oetegenn1976]

I just feel like this is it, not going to be happy no matter what I do! 

My hubby is the first man I've ever met, and my ocd plays on this, saying I want to experience other men, and to have affairs etc..... My ocd is horrible,  I hate it! Why cant I just be happy with what I have, and stop thinking about the grass being greener!

[PolarBear]

The thing is, YOU are not coming up with this. YOU aren't looking at the grass being greener over there. It's your OCD. You need to be able to separate the two out. 

The thoughts you get are intrusive. They are being forced upon you. You don't want them but you get them anyway because you have OCD. They are just thoughts. They're not intentions.

Start talking about this from a different perspective. It's not that you think about your relationship as ll the time... Your OCD makes you think about your relationship.

This is not 'it'. You can get better from this. You first have to acknowledge what's truly going on, you need to get educated about what you should and shouldn't do and then you have to work relentlessly toward recovery.