Help - I'm new to this!

[Guest ria46]

Hi,

I am the Mum of a 16 year old daughter with OCD and anxiety.  She has always been shy but looking back over the years some things we took to be her shyness we now believe was social anxiety.  The last few years I noticed that she liked her room cleaned a certain way and freaked out if something was not put back exactly as it was.  She has been washing her had a lot more and more too over the last few years. I only realised how how bad things were when out shopping she had a panic attack, and a few months after that another big panic attack, after which her life became smaller.. By that I mean she withdrew socially even from her family ie anyone other than , me her had and twin sister.

I persuaded her to go to the Drs and talk to him about getting her help, but as soon as he said it would be therapy ie talking to someone she refused as that is one of her major issues 'talking to people', and because of her age we cannot make her.

back a few moths ago I had a shock just how badly she is and feel totally at a loss to help her. After a day trip which we had to cut short (1 1/2 hours to get there and 10 mins there as she had a meltdown!)  I sat her down to talk about what had happened, that was when she told me how the OCD controls her. She honestly believes that by tapping 3 times she can leep us safe when  we get into the car, but because the roads we were travelling on were winding she had to tap every time we went around a bend (of which there were lots) and that's just 1 of the issues. I was shocked and I am stunned that I hadn't even noticed that my daughters life was in such tumoil.

I have tried to persuade her to get help but she flat out refuses.  I have got books on the subjects but just feel out of my depth. I don't know if its best to deal with the OCD first or the anxiety.

I would be so grateful for any input, and I'm so sorry that this is such a long post!

[PolarBear]

Hi ria and welcome to the forum.

One of the hardest things to do is deal with a sufferer who doesn't want to seek help.

You can tell her that the gold standard treatment for OCD is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and that tens of thousands (or more) of people have been helped by it. You can also let her know that opening up about her condition can actually make her feel not so alone. She can be helped but she needs to take the first step.

[Guest ria46]

Hi  and thank you for responding so quickly.

I am reading a book called 'Overcoming Anxiety' and that is based on the treatment of CBT (I have just seen here that Overcoming OCD is a recommended read). I just feel overwhelmed with information and I'm scared that by trying to do this with her myself that I may make the situation worse.  But as I have been trying to persuade her to get help for the last couple of years I really don't think that she will.

I'm going to get the 'Overcoming OCD' book and see if it is possible for me to help her, but it feels like a David and Goliath situation!

I meant to say in the previous post that the examples of OCD that I have given are just the very small tip of a very large iceberg. 

I have read the testimonials on this site and they all have had help from a therapist in the form of CBT, I just don't know if its possible to do this alone

[PolarBear]

Well, will she talk to you? Will she listen to you?

I mean there's a lot of information you need to know but, heck, I learned most of it on my own. If she's willing to talk to you and learn from you, maybe you have an in there to help her.

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, ria46 said:

I just feel overwhelmed with information and I'm scared that by trying to do this with her myself that I may make the situation worse.  But as I have been trying to persuade her to get help for the last couple of years I really don't think that she will.

Hi ria,

I doubt you'll make the situation worse by trying so don't give up. And don't feel you've got to do it alone.  Even if all you manage is to sow the seed in her head that it's possible to think differently to how she's thinking just now that will be useful when she comes to start therapy. 

As Polar Bear says, you can't force someone to seek help, they have to want to change for themselves. Perhaps there's a goal she's talked about in the past which has dropped off her radar of late because it's too difficult to achieve with all the OCD stuff going on? If so it may be worth introducing it to conversation casually; 'what happened to your dream to do xyz? You never talk about it any more'. If you can get her to admit there is something she'd like to be doing that OCD is preventing, it's a way in to getting her to agree to try therapy. Relight her ambitions, if you will. 

Good luck. 

[Guest ria46]

Hi Snowbear,

I must admit that I try not to discuss it a lot with her as I am scared that my frustration will surface.  I don't know how much to say to her so I avoid it as much as possible for fear of making it all worse.

I have ordered the book Overcoming OCD and hopefully get a better idea of how to approach it with her.

Thank you for responding

[Mrs porter]

On 24 October 2016 at 18:31, ria46 said:

Hi,

I am the Mum of a 16 year old daughter with OCD and anxiety.  She has always been shy but looking back over the years some things we took to be her shyness we now believe was social anxiety.  The last few years I noticed that she liked her room cleaned a certain way and freaked out if something was not put back exactly as it was.  She has been washing her had a lot more and more too over the last few years. I only realised how how bad things were when out shopping she had a panic attack, and a few months after that another big panic attack, after which her life became smaller.. By that I mean she withdrew socially even from her family ie anyone other than , me her had and twin sister.

I persuaded her to go to the Drs and talk to him about getting her help, but as soon as he said it would be therapy ie talking to someone she refused as that is one of her major issues 'talking to people', and because of her age we cannot make her.

back a few moths ago I had a shock just how badly she is and feel totally at a loss to help her. After a day trip which we had to cut short (1 1/2 hours to get there and 10 mins there as she had a meltdown!)  I sat her down to talk about what had happened, that was when she told me how the OCD controls her. She honestly believes that by tapping 3 times she can leep us safe when  we get into the car, but because the roads we were travelling on were winding she had to tap every time we went around a bend (of which there were lots) and that's just 1 of the issues. I was shocked and I am stunned that I hadn't even noticed that my daughters life was in such tumoil.

I have tried to persuade her to get help but she flat out refuses.  I have got books on the subjects but just feel out of my depth. I don't know if its best to deal with the OCD first or the anxiety.

I would be so grateful for any input, and I'm so sorry that this is such a long post!

Hi ria my daughter is 12 years old and looking back now to when she was 4 she was always a shy little girl. Got invited to a few parties at nursery and school and would never join in she was that shy. I thought she would of outgrown it as she got older . but to be honest she's got worse. People she has known all her life. She doesn't speak to. She's just too shy to talk. But now she has severe ocd which affects all the family. She washes hands all the time. Won't go anywhere anymore. Cut all her friends off. Doesn't go to school because of fear of germs. She also has intrusive thoughts about things happening to us. She won't even go to her nans and leave me in the house as she thinks something will happen to me.  The list goes on. Ive tried talking to her loads of times but no matter what you say doesn't make no difference. It's in their head .We have an appointment at camhs next week so hopefully they can help her. We have waited long enough. It is frustrating as a parent seeing your child like this. But we have to try and be strong. 

[Guest Sam67]

HI Ria46

This is my first post on anything like this as I've literally just joined this forum after a particularly difficult day with my 12 year old daughter. She has gone out and I just googled OCD help forums and yours was the first post I read. It struck a chord with me and my experiences so I felt I had to reply. My daughter finally admitted to me in April that she heard voices telling her to do certain things in certain orders or something dreadful would happen to her. We decided to monitor it for a few weeks but it didn;t get that far before she broke down begging to go to the doctors. To cut a very very long story short she is half way through CBT which is certainly helping although some weeks we take one step forward and 4 back. It's hard work for her and I'm not sure she will ever be rid of these OCD's but she feels better for going. Like your daughter she struggles talking to people and it was hard finding a therapist she felt comfortable with but we finally did although some days she just sits and grunts at her! I strongly advise speaking to your doctor although in my area the children's mental health department is in dire straits and waiting lists are months long but the doctor was very very reassuring that there is help out there. 

[Mrs porter]

Hi sam my daughter has an appointment at camhs on Wednesday. I just hope I don't have to wait weeks for treatment for my daughter. She can't wait any longer as she still isn't going to school