Hi Everyone

[sim123]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted in seven months or so although I do have the occasional look every couple of months to check and see how everyone is doing. The reason I'm posting is because I seem to be having a bit of a blip again. Everything was going really well for a while, I was eating healthily, doing lots of exercise, really feeling better about myself and not thinking much at all about my OCD. However there seems to have been a domino effect in the last month or so and I can feel myself being at a crossroads of either having a bit of an OCD meltdown or getting myself back on track. It seems to stem from when I drink a lot of alcohol, this is what happened about a month ago and I behave in ways that are really out of character and feel immense guilt about the possibility of upsetting my fiance, I also black out for chunks of the evening so as you can imagine false memories kick into overdrive. I haven't been eating well for the last month or exercising, I feel sluggish and like I've lost a big distraction and maybe that's why the OCD has had a chance to sneak in again. I've been feeling really nervous about things I might have done when I have been out drinking with my friends and how they might offend my fiance. It came to a head today when my fiance told me that when we were all out in a bar about six weeks ago my ex boyfriend was there and standing at the bar beside me and my fiance saw me having a conversation with him for roughly 30 seconds. I was probably the most drunk I have ever been and don't remember a single thing. Because I act totally out of character when I'm drunk I have convinced myself that I said something terrible, that I still liked him or something (Which I don't!) since I don't remember a thing and I can behave in such a bizarre way when I've been drinking. I can literally feel myself being torn between having a total breakdown and going back to square one or really pushing to get back to where I was previously. I could really use some advice! 

[PolarBear]

Similar, you've got to set aside the thoughts you're having that you did something wrong. They are intrusive thoughts. That's all. Treat them as such. That means shrugging them off and getting on with your day. Adopt an "Oh well" attitude about the whole thing.

[cutebunny]

as ashipinharbor said, false memories can feel very real!

Also i need not to say this but you should cut up on alcohol, it is very very bad for mental health.

Eat well and sleep regularly, don't forget to exercise. Also make sure you have enough vitamins of like everything, especially B12.

 

Don't blame yourself, the fact that you feel that way tells me that you are a loyal fiancee

[sim123]

Thank you very much for the replies, ashipinharbor you are right the false memories can be very challenging, I'm just refusing to dwell on it. Thank you polar bear, I always rely on your advice, I am definitely doing a lot better than two years ago, something like this happening would have absolutely floored me, now I am simply getting on with my day. I have a baseline feeling of slight anxiety which is there most of the time since my fiance told me that which previously would have left me unable to do most tasks. Then every few hours I am having a very strong intrusive thought which has the potential to really push me over the edge and would have done so a few years ago, when I had these overwhelmingly powerful negative thoughts before I would completely crumble and either have to desperately seek reassurance by phoning my mum crying or I would literally be sick with nerves. I've had maybe two or three of these powerful negative thoughts since yesterday and admittedly it does stop me in tracks briefly, but within about ten seconds I am getting on with my day and moving on. I now doubt whether I will ever be at a point in my life where I don't have these little blips, however what I can hope is that when they do happen I become so good at dealing with them that they barely cause me any anxiety at all. Cutebunny I am going to get back to exercising tonight, I hadn't really considered vitamins before but that may be a good idea. Also I know you are absolutely right about the alcohol. It seems to be that I get a bit complacent when I am feeling well and think I can handle it, then I do something when I'm drunk which causes me severe anxiety. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm on 60mg of fluoxetine which is definitely not supposed to be mixed with alcohol!!