carlleo123 Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 Hi all, just after a bit of advice and support please. People may remember that I've posted previously about my harming thoughts that come with urges, mostly around my son but also others, for instance tonight I was in a take away and got an urge to punch someone, it was horrible. What's worse though I'm scared to be around my son again in case I do something horrible. I had to move out just after he was born when a crises support worker called social services about my intrusive thoughts and I don't want to go back to those dark days, I would point out now I've never hurt anyone in my life, I don't even recall ever thinking about hurting anyone until my son was born 4 years ago. I'm really fed up of feeling this way, my stupid compulsions have gone through the roof(I do testing rituals to reassure myself I couldn't do the things I'm thinking about), I just want to feel relaxed, happy and non anxious. I honestly think I've forgotten what it's like to think normally, I'm not sure I even know what normal is anymore Link to comment
Nats Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 You know, I kind of feel like that, I don't have children but one of my biggest fears is to actually have children, I don't want them picking up on my habits. I don't know if I can give any advice, but it's just nice to know someone's thinks the same way as you ?? I'm sure ur child looks up to you and you know you would never truely hurt them Link to comment
carlleo123 Posted December 10, 2016 Author Share Posted December 10, 2016 Thanks for the reply nats, yeah deep down I know I wouldn't, but ocd keeps telling me I would. Problem is I'm constantly anxious at the moment, it just won't give me a break Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 Your compulsions and your attitude toward the thoughts are at the heart of your problem. When the thoughts happen you are treating them as if they are real, as if they are worth dealing with. Then you give the thoughts more attention by doing compulsions. The more compulsions you do, the worse your situation will be. Link to comment
carlleo123 Posted December 10, 2016 Author Share Posted December 10, 2016 Yeah I know polar bear, they feel so real though, and the trouble is I find the anxiety if I don't do compulsions so hard to bear although I know it's completely wrong the way I'm approaching it. It feels as though everything I learned in cbt goes out of the window when my anxiety is so high Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 How many times will you get an intrusive thought and not follow through with it before you realize they're all fake? Link to comment
carlleo123 Posted December 10, 2016 Author Share Posted December 10, 2016 I know, it's hard though isn't it when you get so anxious, it's the urges that really kill me as well. You're right though polarbear, thank you Link to comment
Gerard Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 Hi CarlLeo, I feel your pain. I totally relate to what you're going through (intrusive thoughts of harming others was how my OCD first manifested itself - it is appallingly painful and shockingly frightening) and, yes, it is hard not to practise the compulsions to make the fears go away. However, as I am finding at the moment, not following through on compulsions is something which we OCD-sufferers must do in order to head out of the dark and in to the light. Just remember, you have OCD. The harming thoughts are obsessions and in no way a true reflection of who you are. The safety behaviours (compulsions) feel good in the short term but make things much much worse in the long term. Have you tried the 4 Steps? They are tough but do work, I promise: (A) Recognise the intrusive thoughts as obsessions and label them as such, (B) Then recognise that the safety-behaviour (or compulsion) is something you need not actually practise. You only feel you need to practise it because you have OCD. (C) Refocus on an activity and keep reminding yourself to focus on it even while the obsessions are still causing you pain and fear. Doing this will genuinely change your brain's biochemistry and take the "charge" off the thoughts. The obsessions will pass. (D) Then re-evaluate the original obsessions. They passed! They are not grounded in reality and therefore need not be reacted-to with safety-behaviours Like I said all this is very difficult (I find it difficult anyway!) and requires real resolve and a willingness to go through a bit of bit for long term gain. But it's worth it to stop the suffering. Love, light and support, Gerard Link to comment
carlleo123 Posted December 11, 2016 Author Share Posted December 11, 2016 Thank you Gerard. I think a major problem for me is with things like the 4 steps and cbt, I want to feel better right away, I need to realise its a marathon not a sprint. I guess because it has been going on so long I'm just fed up of it all, it really seems to suck any pleasure out of life when everyday is such a struggle Link to comment
carlleo123 Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 On 10/12/2016 at 22:57, PolarBear said: Your compulsions and your attitude toward the thoughts are at the heart of your problem. When the thoughts happen you are treating them as if they are real, as if they are worth dealing with. Then you give the thoughts more attention by doing compulsions. The more compulsions you do, the worse your situation will be. I suppose its a leap of faith isn't it really polarbear, I know its all intrusive thoughts and I am really well educated on OCD, I just think due to the level of anxiety I feel I find it really difficult to put things into place that would help me, crazy isn't it really Link to comment
Gerard Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I really understand, Carlleo123. But why don't we do it together and support each other? I was, I promise you, in hell around 4 days ago but now, through working the 4 Steps, I feel so much better! We can keep each other updated on our progress. What do you think? Love and light, Gerard Link to comment
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