constantworrier1989 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 So this post is half to get what I'm feeling out, and half to get some advice. As some of you may know, I've been struggling with POCD for quite some time. Recently I think my OCD obsessions have latched onto my feelings for my boyfriend, but I'm not entirely sure because I've never dealt with these kinds of feelings before? I don't know! Just over a week ago I was SO happy and SO sure about my feelings for him - that I had found my person. I love pretty much everything about him. He's creative, kind, loves animals, understands my OCD, cooks amazingly, treats his mother and grandma with a ton of respect... and we have so much fun together. In fact, in mid December we went on an overnight trip to a nearby city and it was great! In October we went to New York together for a week and it was AMAZING. However, ever since we found an apartment about a week ago (yes, exactly when these doubts and worries started) I feel like maybe I don't feel as strongly about him as I did before? Like my love for him just suddenly went away. It doesn't make any sense! How can I go from being deeply in love one day to not the next? Before this I've had no doubts about my feelings for him. Seriously, NONE. I want to think that the whole moving thing is what triggered all of this, but I just don't know. Another aspect of this to consider is that I have lived with a boyfriend before, and it wasn't great. He wasn't mean to me or anything like that, but our relationship was so stagnant and just blah that I was miserable. I don't know what to do. I'm certainly not going to tell him any of this. I'm worried that this isn't OCD. Link to comment
Ashley Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I think this is a great example of why the POCD/ROCD acronyms are unhelpful, pointless (not being medical terms) and should not be used because it gets people thinking about their OCD in the wrong way. So no you don't have ROCD, but what you do have is a symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don't think it's the theme of the thoughts that is the real problem here (again why the ROCD/POCD terms are stupidly useless), but in fact it's the way the OCD is making you doubt, and become anxious about those doubts. That's pretty much the same with every aspect of OCD, it's the mechanism of the disorder that is the problem not the thought itself. Now your doubts are perhaps normal, but the OCD is magnifying them. There is no quick fix for this, but there is a long term fix through therapy, where this can be explored on more detail. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I know I shouldn't have used the acronyms. For me it's just a quick way of getting the idea out. I'll keep this in mind next time. I guess I just want to know if it sounds like this is OCD at work or not. I think it most likely is, because it doesn't make any sense to me to one day be so certain and then have doubts the next. I should just not engage with the thoughts/ doubts like any other obsession. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 45 minutes ago, Ashley said: Now your doubts are perhaps normal, but the OCD is magnifying them. Are you saying that these are normal relationship doubts that most people have, and my OCD is making it worse? Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) I'm also freaking out because these thoughts, while obviously distressing, are not upsetting me as much as other OCD thoughts I've had before. Could this be because in the back of my mind I realize that it's just OCD? I apologize for the multiple comments. My only excuse is that I've never had this obsession before, and I adore my boyfriend so I don't want to be having these kind of thoughts ... and I don't want to break up with him or hurt him. Edited January 7, 2017 by constantworrier1989 Link to comment
snowbear Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 1 minute ago, constantworrier1989 said: I adore my boyfriend so I don't want to be having these kind of thoughts There's your answer. Dismiss the thoughts and get on with enjoying your relationship. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Thank you snowbear. This is just so sudden and out of left field, it's really confusing and upsetting. I'm trying to just breathe and not keep looking at pictures of him to gauge my feelings. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 I've been doing well for the past few days but now I'm worrying again. There are so many reasons for me to possibly feel this way... we just moved in together, it's almost *that* time of the month, etc. Is what I'm feeling normal, and my OCD is just blowing it out of proportion and making me think that these feelings mean that I don't love him? UGH Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 1 hour ago, constantworrier1989 said: I've been doing well for the past few days but now I'm worrying again. There are so many reasons for me to possibly feel this way... we just moved in together, it's almost *that* time of the month, etc. Is what I'm feeling normal, and my OCD is just blowing it out of proportion and making me think that these feelings mean that I don't love him? UGH I'm sitting here crying at work because of this. I am absolutely freaking out. I love him. I've never loved anyone like I love him... so why am I feeling this way? I just want to be happy in our new place together. I don't want to be questioning things. The thought of breaking up with him breaks my heart so why is it crossing my mind?! I just want to go home and sleep. I think I realize deep down that these are normal thoughts and my OCD is blowing it out of proportion but I just don't know. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 You're feeling this way because you have OCD and because you are falling for its lies and doing compulsions. It's that simple. Be happy in your new place. Stop questioning things. Stop thinking about breaking up with him. When you get intrusive thoughts about your relationship realize they are rubbish and shrug them off. Refuse to get into mind debates over them. Leave them alone and they'll start to leave you alone. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 How do I know if it's OCD or real doubts? It doesn't make any sense to me to suddenly be feeling this way about him when, like I said before, I was 100% certain about my feelings not even two weeks ago... but it feels real. I'm so tired and frustrated. I just want to get back to how I was feeling before! I've been trying not to ruminate or question things, but obviously I haven't been doing a good job as I've been looking through the forum at other ROCD posts for a few hours now. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I'm sure you see yourself in many of those other posts. When it comes to relationships, OCD acts about the same way with everyone suffering from it. Yours is just one more story in a string of stories that all sound the same. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 (edited) 4 minutes ago, PolarBear said: I'm sure you see yourself in many of those other posts. When it comes to relationships, OCD acts about the same way with everyone suffering from it. Yours is just one more story in a string of stories that all sound the same. Even though it feels real? It's like I'll feel okayish for a while, especially if I'm with him... but then I get a rush of doubt. Not really a specific thought like "I don't love him", etc. It's more like a feeling or a worry? If that makes sense? I definitely do compulsions like thinking back at happy times (which still make me happy), looking at him to gauge my attraction, trying to feel for the love etc. Edited January 13, 2017 by constantworrier1989 Link to comment
PolarBear Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Of course it's going to feel real. If it didn't feel real you wouldn't be suffering from a mental disorder. You'd easily dismiss it and get on with your day. But OCD thoughts do seem real. Why wouldn't they? They come from the same place as all your other thoughts... your mind. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Okay so I googled "Being in love with love", and this quote is freaking me out: "You’re not dreaming of a bright future more than you are dreaming of your next date, because being in love with someone means they make you happy right now. If you have to constantly resort to thinking about the great things that could come or dreams you’ve had that they could fulfill, you’re not in the moment with them. You’re just looking to see how they can be a role in your life." I think about our future and fun stuff that we're going to do eventually and that does make me happy... but also just hanging out with him, watching TV or a movie, cooking dinner, or just listening to music with him makes me happy. I think I'm ruminating myself into utter confusion. Here's a link to that article if anyone is interested: http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannaewiest/2013/06/the-difference-between-being-in-love-and-being-in-love-with-love/ Link to comment
PolarBear Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 You're doing compulsions again. You're trying to figure it all out and it's simply not going to work. Right now you crave certainty but certainty is something you can't have. The more you Google and research and run this around in your mind the more confused you're going to get. Here's what you do: Leave it alone. Love him like you've always loved him. Love is a verb also. Do loving things. And shrug off those doubting thoughts as irrelevant. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 You're right. I also probably shouldn't be taking advice on love from online articles, lol. Love is different for everyone. Thank you PolarBear Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 I go between having moments where I feel kind of okay, but then I think about it and I feel like I don't love him anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm so upset and I just want to go back to how I was before ? Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 I'm so confused and I can't think straight he came home from work for a few minutes and I was so happy to see him. He had to go back and now I'm sitting here wondering if what I feel is love and if it's just suddenly gone away and I feel heartbroken Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 I'm sorry for all of the comments. I think that this is very clearly Ocd considering how little sense it makes... at this point do I just take a leap of faith and try not to worry about it? I've been through this before where it felt very real, just never in this context. Again, I'm sorry. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 You need to let it go. Understand that OCD can make you feel exactly how you feel now. OCD lies to you, inserting doubt into your beliefs about your relationship. Your job is to not buy into the lies that OCD is dishing out. Link to comment
constantworrier1989 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Can Ocd make you feel like you have the realization that you don't love someone anymore? I had an appointment with the person who prescribes me meds. He seems pretty familiar with OCD but told me that my worries and doubts were all normal, not OCD. I'm trying very hard to make sense of all this... I think it is normal to question things when you move in with an SO, but is my OCD just taking it to another level? I'm really confused. Also, I don't want to break up with him but when I make myself think about it, it doesn't devastate me. Is this because I don't love him? Is this because I'm not actually planning on it, it's just in my imagination? I want to have a future with him. He makes me happy, I love seeing him and kissing him along with other things. He makes me laugh, we love the same kind of movies and music (mostly), I respect him, I love how creative and kind he is... why am I having all of these doubts? ??? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Maybe because you have OCD? It's pretty standard stuff for OCD. Link to comment
Unsurechap Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 'I want to have a future with him. He makes me happy, I love seeing him and kissing him along with other things. He makes me laugh, we love the same kind of movies and music (mostly), I respect him, I love how creative and kind he is' This is your answer the rest is rumination and obsessional. Link to comment
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