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ROCD? This is new to me


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So of course the day before Valentine's Day, these fears and thoughts are going crazy again. 

Im terrified that I don't really love him and that I have to end things. I keep feeling like I have to know 100% that I love him, otherwise I don't love him at all. I guess that's all or nothing thinking which is part of OCD. I also know that you can't have 100% certainty with these things... idk. I'm trying to calm Down but it's hard. 

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4 hours ago, kittypurry said:

What is pocd and rocd

I'm a little confused because I see that you've posted quite a bit in the forum so I think you're probably familiar with the terms pocd and rocd. 

Pocd stands for pedophile OCD (fear that you're a pedophile) and rocd stands for relationship OCD (ocd about your relationship). 

The acronyms aren't helpful as it is all just OCD and I did use them in my original post. I didn't want to make a whole new post so I just commented on my old one... I hope this is okay? 

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1 hour ago, constantworrier1989 said:

I'm a little confused because I see that you've posted quite a bit in the forum so I think you're probably familiar with the terms pocd and rocd. 

Pocd stands for pedophile OCD (fear that you're a pedophile) and rocd stands for relationship OCD (ocd about your relationship). 

The acronyms aren't helpful as it is all just OCD and I did use them in my original post. I didn't want to make a whole new post so I just commented on my old one... I hope this is okay? 

I have seemed them used but never knew what they meant. 

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well, i THINK it is OCD.

I am in no position to give advice. I don't know, i don't feel like OCD sufferers giving advice to OCD sufferers is a good idea.

What i find best is for well, sufferers to seek advice from people who overcame the OCD, depression, anxiety, or from people that don't deal with these kinds of problems, like a therapist, a good friend.

But, i have struggled with ROCD a little, so here is my piece of advice: let it go.

Really, I found myself looking over a present my boyfriend gave me and trying to "feel" something special about it. That's when i stopped. I just looked at it and thought "ill just stop trying to feel anything about it in particular" and guess what, I was feeling pretty good about what he gave me.

Just stop feeling so afraid about your feelings.

I don't know much about your compulsions.

But whatever you do to assure yourself of your love for him, just stop doing it.

It's useless, pointless.

If you love him, then there's no need to do them. If you don't love him, doing those things won't change a thing.

I don't know for me, some compulsions were: trying to think about him when going to bed, trying to feel a certain way when looking at things he gave me, trying not to look at/admire other boys. things like that. they're little, but they add up and fuel the obsession.

try to find what you do to try to reassure you of your love for him. and stop doing those things :)

i don't know how this works, but it does 

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Thank you Chaosed. What you said makes a lot of sense. Before I was obsessing over this and monitoring every feeling I have, trying to "feel" in love etc, the feelings just came naturally. I think one thing is that I'm trying to feel in love constantly, but I don't think anyone constantly feels that in love feeling. 

Im going to try to just not worry about it. Focus on other things. 

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You're asking if not being extremely upset about thoughts means you're not dealing with OCD but I bet the fact you aren't extremely upset is, in itself, upsetting. I see this quite often.

Look, there is no standard way to categorize the distress you feel from obsessions. It can be mild, it can be extreme. Overall I would say if you used to react badly and you're now not that is an indication you may be getting used to the thoughts and they simply don't distress you as much. If you're still doing compulsions, you still have a problem.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I had a pretty bad day yesterday, and I realize while I'm typing this that I'm asking for reassurance... but does this sound like OCD or denial?

 

Is it just OCD even though I've "felt" the realization that I don't love him anymore (and then immediately panicking, but maybe not panicking enough)? Whenever I'm around him I monitor my feelings, try to feel "love", and try so hard to just relax and sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. I do spend at least an hour a day researching "ROCD" and while I can relate to a lot of it, I don't always relate to all of it. Is it really normal for someone with this theme to now know 100% if they love their partner? I see a lot of people posting saying that they doubt their feelings but then they turn around and say they KNOW they love their partner. All of this doubt is making me question it when not even a month ago I was a million percent sure...

It feels like my feelings for him have been stripped away from me and it's just not fair. :(

Edited by constantworrier1989
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11 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You shouldn't be monitoring your feelings at all or trying to feel love. Those are compulsions amd will only keep you stuck. Right now you are giving meaning to the thoughts and that's the wrong thing to do. 

I'm having trouble even figuring out if this is OCD or if I'm just actually not in love with him. I know that you can't tell me if I love him or not, but does this honestly just sound like typical OCD?

Edit: Also, thank you for always responding to me PolarBear. I know I can be pretty annoying/ pathetic on here.

Edited by constantworrier1989
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You've been told it's likely OCD already. Now you're asking for reassurance again. That's actually a sign that it's all OCD. 

People who have fallen out of love do not ruminate over it, do not spend hours and hours analyzing their feelings and do not purposefully try to feel love for someone. 

You need to accept it as OCD and start doing the right things, like stop attaching meaning to the thoughts and working on resisting and stopping your compulsions.

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So now I'm worrying that I didn't spend enough time alone between break ups before I started dating my current boyfriend. That maybe I should have stayed single for longer. 

I had been in a relationship for nearly 8 years. I broke up with him and was with someone else for a few months... talked to a few different guys after that and maybe spent 2 months not actually talking to anyone before i started dating my current boyfriend. 

I cant tell if this is an intrusive thought or a legitimate concern. It is upsetting me because I don't want it to be true and I don't want to have made a mistake... but I really wasn't alone that long? UGH MY BRAIN. I'm so frustrated!! 

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