So I've Got Therapy Today

[Gemzi3]

20 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You can ignore it. You simply choose to do so. You're hanging onto it out of guilt but your guilt is misguided. What is the point of continuing to punish yourself over something that likely did not happen?

But might have happened.

And this is the problem I still contend with. 

 

[PolarBear]

Stop contending with it. You're beating yourself up for a wistful maybe. Why?

[Gemzi3]

Because its a chance. 

I need to know if its possible to hit yourself in the stomach and cause that to kill a baby and if so would I have known? E.g would I have bled or would something have happened?

Then I could get some clarify and forgive my mistakes and move on but I cant forgive that

[Gemzi3]

It was hard to bring this up in therapy, but I did, even though my therapist is currently pregnant! 

I'm struggling to understand how CBT etc will help, the only thing Im currently practising is exposure type, and seeing how I feel a few hours later - this one doesnt seem to fall in that category 

[PolarBear]

Gemzi, because OCD has latched onto this, you will never get the certainty you seek. That's the nature of OCD. Sitting there thinking about it more and more will not bring you clarity. You'll never reach the end. You either drop the subject or it will sit there and bother you for a long time.

[Gemzi3]

I have thearpy again on Thursday - I just dont know how to explain it to her, or move on from it with the techniques I'm being taught  

This feeling in my stomach just drops, all the time, it doesnt go down!

[PolarBear]

It doesn't go down because you keep it alive by ruminating over it.

[Gemzi3]

Even when I dont though when the thought comes back it feels as strong

 

[PolarBear]

How long have you let this thing fester? It's not going to be over in a day or two. You have to work at it. Every time the thought comes up, you need to dismiss it as irrelevant and work hard to not perform compulsions. And its going to take time to get better. Stay the course. Reap the benefits down the road.

[Gemzi3]

I had therapy again today, my therapist says to just with the thought, but even if I don't feel anxious or engage too much, I still feel like I'll never be fully happy because of it  ?

[paradoxer]

Gemzi3, don't engage with the question, don't try to answer it (even if it were answerable). The way forward is actually counter-intuitive. Re being 'fully happy', if you want to get close to it - set your target-expectations lower (trying too hard can feed in to the OCD, since it makes not having the disorder too important - and empowers it) - aim for being 'ok'. Nothing wrong with that.  

[Gemzi3]

I'm trying this approach, but I still feel guilt.