Help

[stepforward]

My wife was diagnosed with OCD nearly 4 years ago. She has been seeing a CBT therapist for 2 years and is considering trying EMDR. We have been through some really, really rough time. She has invasive thoughts most of the time and for nearly 2 years believed I was contaminated with death meaning she wouldn't touch me and I wasn't allowed to take our daughter anywhere. She was suicidal for a time and it has pushed our marriage to near breaking point. She suffers from panic attacks, irrational fears, compulsive behaviours, intrusive thoughts as well as exhibiting the common things like repeated hand washing and so on.

I had thought things were getting better but in the last few weeks there has been repeated panics over a variety of things and I am finding I don't have enough empathy left in me after trying to be supportive to this brutal condition for so many years. I don't know what to do. 

I would love to know how other friends, family, carers look after themselves. How to support your loved one when the impact is so massive on daily life. I could list the impacts but it would take a far longer e-mail than I would expect anyone to read. Right now I feel like walking out and away from it but I know that is not the solution and I couldn't do that to our 4 year old. 

Bless you for reading...

[JonFD]

Man, something here really struck a chord with me. I don't think you've run out of empathy, otherwise you would say "I don't care any more", because you will have reached the point at which saying that doesn't hurt as much as carrying on dealing with the constant guilt, frustration and general shittiness of loving and living with someone suffering with OCD.

I am brand new to this site, and don't know whether I will use it to find advice, give advice or just vent when it gets too much. I will open up another chat to talk about my situation. In the meantime stepforward, I'm afraid I have very limited advice. I am not the poster boy of OCD supporters, but my two pennies - I like to try and exercise. My OH's condition means that "normal " hours are out of the question, so I get up at 5am 3 days a week, and sometimes cycle to and from work. Socially, I will drink after work one day a week. This isn't perfect, and this answer probably won't help you figure out what to do. But I think it helps to know you are not alone feeling like you do. It helped me when I read this.

[stepforward]

Thank you JonFD and Jessie_Loz for your replies. I appreciate you taking the time. I know there are no quick-fix answers - if there were we would have done them by now right?! Pleased to say that the last week things have been a bit easier. My wife is seeing a new therapist and will be starting EMDR soon. I would like to know if anyone else has found this a useful therapy but maybe need another post about that. I am also now seeing a counsellor for the first time. This is a completely new experience for me and I am not sure whether it will be useful or not but it feels like anything is worth trying.

JonFD - I appreciate your advice about exercise. I am not sure I could be up at 5am but recognise that the last few years have taken a toll on all of us and I have stopped taking care of myself as I need to. I will look at how I can get more time outside and in nature. So important.

Thank you both so much

[hazydaze]

On 1/30/2017 at 02:20, stepforward said:

My wife is seeing a new therapist and will be starting EMDR soon. I would like to know if anyone else has found this a useful therapy

Hello, I've never looked at this section of the ocdforums website and this is the first thread I clicked on and I feel compelled to respond to this. 
I'm certainly not an expert, but I have taken some psychology courses and had a very experienced psychologist as my professor in 6 different classes. On top of that, I've had an EMDR session myself. Again, not an expert! But my honest opinion is that it is a waste of time. It's not that it is going to make your wife's therapy work less, so long as she is doing appropriate therapy on top of EMDR, which would be CBT, such as ERP. But you could do ERP with or without wiggling your eyes back and forth, and you're going to have the same result. It's actually really strange that therapists claim this is a "skill" to have. Literally all they do is move their arm up and down telling you to follow their hand with your eyes. I believe the claim is that it sort of mimics our eye movements in REM sleep, which is thought to help process information. I see the appeal by this theory, but I do not believe there is any evidence that shows CBT to work better alongside EMDR, than CBT by itself. Once my (old) therapist busted out that "skill," that was the last time I ever went.
All this being said, that doesn't mean that they can't be a good therapist or be of assistance. But only if they are doing the appropriate therapy (CBT) as well. 
I'm sorry this has been such a challenge for you and your family, I'm a sufferer and I know that I've pushed my boyfriend to his limit a couple of times  it's so hard on everyone, not just the person suffering. I wish you and your family the best of luck in recovering. Again, just make sure that CBT is being implemented. Good work on your part for also seeking some help and support. 

[paradoxer]

Stepforward, sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds very difficult. As an OCD sufferer I'm well aware how exasperating and debilitating living with someone with the disorder can be for loved ones. Your own sanity is important too. No easy answers, I'm afraid. But wishing you the best. 

On a tangent, are there any OCD friends and family groups near where you live, so you can vent, share, discuss? 

Edited February 11, 2017 by paradoxer

[stepforward]

@hazydaze Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience of EMDR. Perhaps naively, or in desperation, I hold out some hope for EMDR. My wife has been having CBT for nearly 2 years and whilst it has helped, it has not prevented repeated crises through various triggers and still a general sense of desperation for both of us. I was interested to read this article - https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-27/edition-7/emdr-more-just-therapy-ptsd - which claims there is some evidence of the benefits of EMDR for treating OCD. My wife's therapist also claims a lot of success using it. But we will see - she has just had her first session. I will report back on how it goes.

@paradoxer There aren't any friends and family groups near us unfortunately. I have started to see a counsellor which hopefully will help somewhat. But it is so hard....