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UnAfraid


Guest ashipinharbor

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Guest ashipinharbor

I've come to a point where I am unfraid of that which my thoughts imply, because I know them to be untrue.

Things that used to scare me have no efficiency, anymore.

I still kinda struggle with contamination fears, but I've never really done any exposure (well, except for relying on public transportation. that probably helped some).

That said, I have come a long way from where I used to be with reguards to those worries.

Maybe I should work on that next?

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Guest ashipinharbor

Also,I used to feel bad for having OCD, but why should I feel bad? I have thoughts I don't like, same as anyone. Only difference is the compulsions I do. And I've never hurt anyone, so I'm good.

Any distress has stemmed from OCD spinning its lies, playing its games, and me feeling it's faux-fear/guilt from molehills turned to mountains.

But now, I can see. Now OCD has less, and less of a foothold.

Now, I'm more in control than ever.

Edited by ashipinharbor
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Guest ashipinharbor

I also think I may have gained some insight on to how OCD operates.

It scans everything for the thing you fear, and then takes minor situations, non events, or non connected things, and then twists them into the thing you're afraid of.

So, that you think there's reason ro worry, when there's actually not. So, we perform compulsions that don't make sense, but to us, because of what OCD is saying.

Exhausting, really.

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Guest ashipinharbor

Am I still a sufferer if my thoughts don't really scare me?

My reaction isn't so much "am I bad?!" but "what was that?".

Edited by ashipinharbor
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Guest ashipinharbor

I feel.... different, anymore. I don't if I'm just having a good day, or what, but I'm not anxious.

I've realized that you can't have certainty, but you can know yourself, and your values/morals/core.

And that can be enough.

Nobody is certain of anything, but they know who they are, and that's enough for them.

I know now how I can beat this.

It's hard to explain, but it's like me feeling like I enjoy something is untrue, because I'm not that kind of person. Doesn't matter how convincing it is, it's false and irrelevant. And I don't need certainty, because... I just don't.

So, my anxiety is... pretty much gone.

Is this recovery?

 

Edited by ashipinharbor
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Guest ashipinharbor

I think my OCD all relates to my issues with control and fear of being bad.

And so, whenever one of those lines were crossed, I freaked out, and tried to fix it, make sure I was still safe.

So, by giving up control, I'm accepting that certainty is impossible.

So, yeah. Big step, but finally one I'm ready to take.

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Guest ashipinharbor

Breakthrough! I've finally accepted that certainty is never, ever achieveable, and that anything is possible.

Things just happen, people just are, you know?

Like, who knows what means anything, anymore.

I don't know if I'm making much sense, but nobody knows really why anything happens.

Anything could be something, or nothing. Weird things happen, but they're not always what we think.

You just have to do your best, and trust that everything will be okay.

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