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I don't think it's OCD


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I have read quite a few books and online things and I am beginning to feel like it's not OCD. I don't feel like I give into compulsions and some of the common mindsets of what would be OCD don't seem to fit me. I can't live with myself if this isn't OCD, if these thoughts are really me. 

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"If these thoughts are really me". The doubt of OCD right there. If the thoughts really were you, you wouldn't mind having the thoughts in the first place, and not be trying so hard to be rid of them and be certain of yourself. Everyone gets strange/weird/disturbing/disgusting thoughts from time to time, yet non-OCD sufferers barely make an effort to prevent them, as they know they have have nothing to do with their character. Don't be so hard on yourself, also don't read stuff online to do with your obsession, that is a compulsion. 

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If you have intrusive thoughts/images/urges/impulses/fears that cause distress and you do compulsions to alleviate that distress, you have OCD. If you can identify your intrusive thoughts and your compulsions, then you can confidently say you have OCD. If you need help with that, we're here to help.

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I get thoughts that do disturb me a lot, and make me question who I am, mainly sexual intrusive thoughts, but I can't decide I If I want to do these things or if they are hidden in me and stuff like I'm so uncertain and in constant doubt and it's like this constant reminder in my head and it makes me want to die. It goes against my moral compass and my heart but these thoughts are horrible and they feel like me. When I started getting really panicky I confessed a lot and called loads of helplines and people and asked for reassurance and kept asking the same questions a lot. There were also a couple of times where I would pet the dog 10 time and say that would stop me being this thing and that would make me feel better because it was like it out of my thinking, I couldn't really rationalise with it. I would cry and be in constant anxiety. But those compulsions like petting the dog weren't too regular. But I did have compulsive stuff for other things like 'I won't be attacked tonight if I lock the door and turn the handle 21 times' and I did that every night but those weren't to do with the sexual intrusive thoughts. I just don't know now because I've limited the compulsive behavipur whether I really did compulsions or not and I just feel like I'm a horrible person. And I feel like if I went to therapy they would get the wrong idea. But I have constant doubt cycles. I'm just not sure.

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Chrids, its normal for people with OCD to doubt they have OCD, to believe at least in part that the thoughts are who they are, that they are capable of following through with the thoughts. There's millions of people out there going through the same thing you are. They all have OCD. It might sound corny but you have to take a leap of faith. After you've been told it's all OCD a few times, you just have to take a leap of faith that it is all OCD and then you have to start working on making things right. You treat it as OCD.

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Ok, I've been really trying and I have been doing quite well it's just that belief that it's OCD that I find really difficult. I haven't been diagnosed and I don't know lots of other people have said I do but I'm struggling to process it. But you're right.

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