Fear of the future

[Cub]

Hi all

You might be wondering what a civilised lassie (HAH!) like myself is doing up and about at this hour. Have no fear; I am in bed, just having trouble settling and don't feel entirely safe.

Long story short, I'm worried about thinking of particular, bad things and am a little scared about that. I know, thoughts are thoughts but right now I'm having difficulty dozing off safely to sleep for fear of the wrong thoughts.

There is something else that's been on my mind for a few days though. I am really worried about my future prospects - I have to find a new job before too long but more than that, I fear getting dementia in my later years. I know it seems silly to worry about it now but dementia isn't unfamiliar to my family tree, as my Grandma has it and I don't think a big dollop of loneliness and depression helped either (despite how much my dad did for her). I have days where I feel the distance and I'm not great at getting close to people. I often feel I have no-one to turn to first-hand and my life does feel stale and repetitive, as well as somewhat isolated at times. My OCD cycles can be an ongoing thing and I wonder about the long-term impact on my health. I have friends but I feel I'm trying too hard to prove everything's okay and truth be told, because of my work schedule I don't always have enough to do.

I can look after myself and keep myself entertained but I feel I'm in a bit of a slump and am genuinely wondering if I should up and leave and start fresh. But my OCD would still be there and it would be the same issue. I can feel very lonely in this city, sometimes. Things have been better recently but I'm not keen on continuing to live what feels a slightly pointless existence - I want to improve but happiness seems just out of my reach and undeserved. 

Thanks for reading,

C x

 

[seb79]

Who knows what the future brings.All we can do is trust it will all be ok.

Dementia is a horrible disease, I look after a lot of people with it.

Do your best in each moment and you will be ok.Like you said ocd will follow you wherever you go.

[bruces]

I'm with you on this one the future absolutely terrifies me,the inevitable stuff especially like losing parents 

[Cub]

Thankyou everyone for the kind comments.  Sorry to hear about your son, Jessie; thankyou for your empathy and wisdom.

[halle123]

This is the root of my OCD fearing the future and terrified of leaving my daughter without a Mother. In the meantime I'm spoiling the time we have together. Lots of luck ???

[taurean]

Hi cub,

OK dealing with the future is all about making sensible plans then stopping worrying. 

For example, my sister made me, with my consent, the guardian of her children should her husband and she lose their lives before the children became of age. This is a simple legal process. 

Re dementia, why worry about that? It's a focus of your OCD but resist it, it's pointless to worry at something beyond your control. 

My parents died of cancer as too my grandmother.  I have known that for years, but there would be no point in worrying about it. My sister contracted it about 8 years ago but is in remission. 

Re the periods of OCD cub, I too get this. The most practical thing to do is get professional help to work out how best to manage the ups and downs, and seek to level them more. 

Re jobs, we all have to face issues with them, non sufferers have no exemptions on that. 

Happiness is deserved, this all comes back to feelings of being bad. We aren't responsible for intrusions, the disorder is. We deserve a better experience, we deserve to be happy. 

Find things you can do, go places where there are others such as a gym class, social club. 

Our local leisure centre is good for this. 

You can be as social as you want, when you want. Bad intrusions that come attribute to OCD. 

 

[Cub]

Thankyou, everyone.

I know it's silly to worry about the future but I've found myself really struggling to stay in the present and stay focused and so it makes me dread what's ahead. I find it hard to do all the things you need to do in order to continue and thrive and I know that sounds lazy, but it often feels that there's that glass wall there. I feel like it's stuff I somehow can't focus on or complete. It's hard not to get lost in my thoughts when I'm alone and that doesn't help; I worry all the time these days. I know all I can do is take the relevant steps, though and try my best.

Thanks again, all.

 

 

[taurean]

Find some distraction cub. 

I know how you feel and full easily into ruminating if I am not distracting. I will see if I can find me piece on living in daytime compartments and add it here. 

[taurean]

http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?/topic/72039-feeling-bad-guys/&do=findComment&comment=607295

Here is the link.